hey...

well im very very sad,depressed,angry whatever bad mood there is,

im feeling it.

i wanted to rant it out somewhr,

but i couldnt do it on twitter

cuz people might misunderstand my 140words.

so i decided to rant it here.

so people may say im lucky and spoilt blah blah blah

but i nvr considered myself as one.

i dont know how everyone sees me,but i dont see it myself.

One, im not lucky. Why? cuz im literally stuck in between..

do you know how much it hurts when u see both your grandparents pass away

and u have only seen them 3 or 4 times?

do you know how much it hurts when u wanted to see them but you cant

cuz standard of living is high and just to go there is costs a ridiculous amount of 5k

for 3 people?

People say im lucky, cuz i can speak 3 languages naturally. im a half so what.

if i was a full chinese and migrated somewhere, then yes i shouldnt say anything

cuz it was my decision to leave everyone blah blah blah

but i didnt. i was born this way. born to be separated either way.

but no,no one understands how i feel and think otherwise.

Sesond. im spoilt. i cry over things i dont get cuz im da only kid.

well suck it up. i never cry over things. i dont cry cuz i dont get what i want.

the only thing i ever wanted and cry for was to go japan.

and i have a very good reason for crying.

i have never asked them to buy me a watch. i have never asked them to buy me a itouch.

heck i bought my own phone and itouch with my savings.

i have never asked them to buy me books, i have never asked them to buy me CDs.

i always tried to get them myself. i never demanded anything in my whole life.

until now.

yesterday my mum was telling me how her ex-colleagues son, who is like me a half,

is going to japan alone to visit japan. so i was like wah i also want,since air ticket to japan

is getting cheaper these days.

she said its possible for one person to go to japan. and since im already old enough,its okay.

she said that if i email my cousin and see how it goes its possible.

i was so super happy...heck i was elated on cloud nine!!

in my mind,in that few hours, i planned how many days im gonna go,when im gonna go,

where am i gonna go, how awesome it would feel.

and i felt that i finally have a goal to work harder at my part time job.

but all this crashed when my mum asked my dad about it just now.

one word from him crashed my wants...the one thing i wanted in my 17 years of life.

"no." as simple as that everything was gone

how can 1 simple word crash my world is amazing.

u may think im exaggerating but im not.

being able to go japan alone,freely was always my dream. i always wanted to do that.

i felt sorry for my mum if i was going to go alone, but then again tickets these days are super ex.

she had always say to go when i was done with my o levels.

scratch that not she...they. my mom and dad. when i started secondary

they said they would bring me to japan after i cleared my O levels, so i was looking forward to it for 5 years.

but many things can happen in 5 years and i lost 2 people dear to me.

standard of living raised in 5 years, everything went soaring high

going overseas as a family became impossible.

so going alone was the next thing in my mind

but just that one word everything i dreamed for was gone.

i realised. hey. im gonna be stuck in this country for the rest of my life.

i can never get out of here. i am stuck here. forever for the next 50 years or so

im gonna be here.

if the world ends tmrw, i dont really care anymore. because in the end,

my ass if forever stuck in the place of my origin. \

as compared to all da people who wants gadgets and materials isnt my demand simple enough?

i just want to go and experience my other half origin.

but what to do. life is unfair. it never goes your way. it turns the other way and stab u in the back.

next year 2nd week im getting my results. i have no mood to even think about it now.

cuz no matter how hard i may have studied, there are people who did tat 10x more then me

so in the end its just a cruel stagnanat society.

like wud that guy at the motivational talk said. if u have a dream and work hard u will be the 1% who succeed. if not you will be that 99% who that 1% steps on.so be it.

everyone changes when they succeed. i rather not.

ok my ranting is done. i feel better as of now, bt i think im just going to sleep

to stop myself from thinking any further.

people might think that im an idiot to think my life is miserable.

but everyone has their tiny thoughts. and i have mine.

so dont judge me when you dont know me. and actually'no one really knows me.

stand by you-TVXQ

yoo

ah ha bloggin after a long week wheee~!

yes ive been working.no i havent got my salary yet.sad right?

im depressed. HOWEVER

i went shopping today keke

ah ha went sommerset to look at forever 21,but they had nothing

so ah minq suggested to go bugis so we went

i seriously almost bought 4 checkered shirts.

but i stopped myself and bought 1 purple one ^^

keke i have more checkered blouses then shirts to wear out seriously haha

after that went to find ker...bt got scolded at cuz i missed her calls ._.

luckily her break was extended so we just talked

and i ate jajangmyeon ^^

we talked and hung arnd and i realised she worked near me 0.0

yea surpring...seriously.

after bidding her farwell, me and minq made our way to bugis junction

i was looking arnd to find a present for my colleague.

found this super cool thing at the face shop and bought it

as i nvr been into a make up shop b4 its super embarrasing can!?!

but then i've always wanted to try BB cream so maybe one day i shall get one :/

i was seriously tempted to buy that package myself man so nice!

but nope i have to give away.

im thinking of buying christmas presents this year...but see how.

let me see if my money actually goes into my bank account =.=

stupid place. not da place i work at but the place. *cough*

better give me my money or i'll seriously say bad things abt it

ANYWAYS! today was a lunar eclipse!! *claps hand*

how awesome was tht? at 10.30 i went down to look at it

it was really beautiful. i mean its super rare to see it

there were alot of stars out there today. it was amazing. sigh.

oh yea my rents bought me a watch today...however i have wear it 24/7

cuz this watch has no battery, but relies on the body contact.

how cool is that? but i'll have to wear it 24/7 or it will stop :/

you know i seriously dont understand my rents

i mean last night they were so pissed at me and stuff, yelling at me

then today suddenly buy me a watch.

gosh sometimes i really cant take their mood swings =.=

then my dad ask me why i keep going out and i dont care about my mum

who fell while doing some grocery shopping today.

fine.ok.maybe i should go with them to shop for groceries, but

why didnt u help to assist my mum and another person had to help her?

why arent you helping her to put on some oil on her leg hurr!?!

SERIOUSLY! im damn pissed. tell me why am i so ignorant

well arent u too!? u were there werent u? seriously i was super pissed this morn.

oh well, after that i came home and started watching vids of dbsk

and felt better but i still harbour some hatred for my dad. i know he's my dad

but still, ever since 3 years ago, i dont know who is he anymore.

i dont know if i seriously can look at him as my dad. yes i love him, but sometimes

he needs to control his mood swings and stop being petty and sensative abt little things.

i miss the dad who made me smile, the dad who joked with me, the dad that smiled

and laughed at the slightest thing. where is that dad in you now?

please.realise that sometimes all i need is to see u smile and be like who u once was.

sigh.

ok shall go off now..gonna go sleep ^^

nites :D

a nice break ^^

well hello~~

ITS A SATURDAY....Wheeeee

hehe that means a break

wow who knew working 4days in a office can really kill

and im gonna stick with this job till the end of the next month

but my colleagues are really funny and kind,so its okay i guess

but the ride there is really unbearable...but i got music to keep me company..

chyeahh

actually honestly speaking i wasnt planning to work at all

and focus on studying and clearing my japanese

but then somethings changed my mind.

1) Everyone around me was getting a job, so yeah i thought i would

be bored if i dont get a job.

2) my japanese classes were really messed up. cuz my conditions were kinda tuff

cuz i can speak and hear but not write, the person couldnt put me in pre-advance

class and also definately not in basic...so i might need to have taken a private class

3) i wanted to go overseas. one time i was out wif ker,minq and lyd, they were

talking about going to hong kong. i suddenly blurted this out to my mom and she ask me

why i dont wanna go japan. so then i was like really? i can go there alone?

so i decided to work,get a job that can allow me to go to japan.

so yeah i did it. so unless i screw my job ( which im very scared i will,cuz its kinda

confusing and my head supervisor is a bit scary) i can actually go.

well HOPEFULLY my mom keeps her word and my dad dosent protest.

i'm already on da look out for tickets and also making myself a itinerary.

but i just wish i can bring a friend along so i dont have to be alone and

my mom would be acceptable abt it if i went with my friend.

so about this job of mine. its not tiring physically, but its tiring mentally

i hope this is my first and last time to do it..like seriously...

but hey its good experience but dang i made a lot of mistakes..

i hope i will do better next week,if not i'll be really killing alot of trees.

and not to mention be on the bad side of my head supervisor...

well i shall update till here today..

oh yah i cant wait till da 29th!!

party at my place...like seriously..4 people are coming over to my house

keke...sounds fun right? i know haha!! super excited

ANYWAYS

i heard people are already starting to arrive to singapore

dang i wish i can really meet them :/

like how i almost met KHJ...which i dont really like...cuz his fans almost

pushed me down an escalator...yes.i still rmbr and hate that fact.

sigh~~ but i bet i cant cuz i wont be going anywhr near town.

and i dont work in a shop so yeah...sigh...unless they decide to have lunch

at the hawker next to my workplace which is TOTALLY impossible

i cant get to see any of them even though they are in SINGAPORE

which is a SMALL island =.=" pathetic.

i know they are humans just like us, but i dont know...seeing them

would be nice..

ok ok i shall end it here

hopefully i'll be able to update and my blog wont die

even though i know no one reads it,

this is fun and i have been doing this for years so yeah...

cant just quit ah ha!!

ok shall watch vampire prosecutor

(isnt the guy handsome? ohh hottie alert..i nvr really liked any korean actors

before..but he totally caught my eye..mayb cuz he lks like yoochunie~~)

(FYI da left is the actor frm VP and the right is yoochunie..a like rite!?)

totally into it now...whoot!!

buh bye :D

Yes im biased.infintie-ly.lolz.

yes yes hi~~

haha here to blabber abt my day

well lets say it was normal but super tiring with the SUPER.

i woke up at 6am,got ready and stuff

by 6.55 i was out the door.

when i reached the bus stop, da bus passed in front of me and i thought

"wah sibei suay sia!"

then i just wait and hoped i wont be late...

thankfully another bus came 10mins later..

got on it,sat for like an hour or more i dont know

got off the bus with wobbly legs lolz!

went down stared at my map like a tourist and walked arnd little india

like no one's business and yes i totally got lost..

well i went down the right street but just didnt walk down enough

after getting directions from a kind soul, managed to reach my workplace lolz.

got to the lift and i realised something groundbreaking.

i thought i start work at 8.15am...but in da end it was 8.30am =.=

i was like early by 15mins lolz!

so reached waited,,got briefed,introduced and started work

it was fine i dont mind at all,i made new friends alls good.

the bad thing was the bus ride HOME =.=

l

da bus stop is SUPER near my workplace but the bus ride is

SUPER DUPER UBER LONG!!!

im not tired cuz of my work..im tired cuz of da bus ride =.=

jam here jam there wah lau eh!

ahh well at least music kept me company lolz!

yeahh OH YA!!

TODAY IS DINO BOY DONGWOO'S BIRTHDAY ^^

KEKE HAPPY BIRTHDAY DONWOO-SHI!!

this guy is my bias wrecker hehe....

HOW CAN U NOT LIKE HIM? LIKE SERIOUSLY!!

such a cutie haha~~~

once he laughs thats it.he moves up to being ur bias..

ahh~~ hehe

ok thn i shall go and sleep

super tired.i blame the bus =.=

NITES!!

Another day.Another....nothing.

ahh~~ hello~~ ^^

well yup bloggin on a almost daily basis now eh haha

SOOooo today nothing much happened,

i went over to my grandmother's house and slacked with her

i kind of feel guilty,cuz once i get a job, i know i wont be able to visit her anymore :/

sigh...i feel super guilty about that...and theres so many things i want to do with my grandma.

well while at my grandma's house,i have been waiting for a phone call

for a job, but i have yet to receive one..sigh. not much luck eh~~

not that im complaining..i dont really want to spend when i get a job..thats if

i ever get one.

i kinda decided to like save and maybe go for a free&easy trip to japan next year.

alone,yeah i wouldnt mind. at the age of 18? yes of course!

it has always been my dream to go japan alone...

it might be lonely but its better then not going and honestly speaking

its better to go alone then with my parents..

sigh im kinda jealous now and wish i can go there now

cuz pabo boy's debut promotions are HUGE!! like huge HUGE!!

(credit: wbljy@twitter shared by: http://infinitesoul.wordpress.com)

see!their promotions are huge!!!

ahh well other then this reason,i really wanna go to don quixote and yokohama!!!

gahhhhh!!!and of course harajuku!!!i just want to walk everywhere...

sigh sometimes i find it kind of sad tat i can only live half my life.

some things are so near yet absurdly far.

On a brighter note, im going to sign up for my japanese course tmrw!!

ah ha~~

yeahh like after how many years i can start to learn to read and write

well i shall go off now~~

i think i have to wait like 1 more week before i get a job...not that im complaining

i actually dont want to work but i need to save money for my trip to japan

and yes im serious about that. for once.

still, the feeling of having to retain is in my heart -,-"

ahh okay so cuz im not really myself tonight..yeah im rather emo

it took like 10 chipmunk songs and 5 videos that made me feel a bit better.

so i shall go off now ^^

buh bye~~

Looking back at my 5years in WSSS

HEY!!! sooo guess what!?

THIS GIRL IS FREE FROM EXAMS!!

ahh haa well da stressful/suicidal moments is over!!

now is just to worry about the results.

overall im not satisfied..it felt like i did less then i did for N

maybe because there was a big gap between papers..

except during the 2nd week...damn that week was my nightmare!!

sigh yesterday marked my last day of skool.

no more seeing of someone.....

BUT

actually im really really gonna miss skool days.

the days whr we would just gossip,days i wait for the bell to ring

the super fatigue from staying up late at night to finish homewrk (humanes especially)

then there were memories from 2G i think that class will forever stay in my heart.

i mean the ruckus and chaos we made, we made our teachers cry

we were so called "the worse class"

but then mr chen, our then form teacher believed in us, saw us in a different light

and then that year a teacher came into our lives somehow changing us.

though we whine and complain and glare at her, u gotta admit she helped us alot.

and truthfully speaking i have never seen a teacher so determined yet sarcastic to change us.

but ah ha the best memory was her throwing half the class out the class cuz we didnt

bring out literature book when actually it was history lesson.

but none of us dare to talk back to her and we just set there at the corridor

hoping da principal wont walk pass.

but then i think it was because of her that we got 98% passes for Ns

im serious. yes it was our hardwork,but at da back of our heads her speeches did

affect us somehow. her sudden yelling and stuff.

so really im grateful to have met a teacher like her,though she is scary and i still

cant look her in the eye and i will forever keep bowing to my phone whn she calls me.

oh not to mention she was my class's form teacher for 4 years...thats long.

then there are other memories this year that includes

studying at mac wif friends and craking up at da end of the session

for me well...i might also miss running arnd chasing people for forms and stuff

if i wasnt appointed to be class chairperson i bet i wont talk to anyone

or even interact wif half the class..so yeah...

and really honestly speaking though its irritating i enjoyed being a chairperson

but i think i did anything being one ah ha!!

though we may have our differences at the end of the day u are gonna miss skool.

5years we've been together almost as long as primary skool

and it was filled with tears frm teachers,fights among students,but i totally enjoyed it.

some memories might make me cringe but i treasure them none the less

i wish all my classmates all da best and my friends to stay in contact.

maybe we can have a renunion 5years down the road haha~~

=====1G/'07 2G/'08 3F/'09 4G/'10 5A/'11======

well now that im done with my post i shall try to sleep again

i slept only at like 4.30am cuz i was battling wif stupid technology =.=

BYEZ!!

Hi.sigh.
Haha that kinda rhymes lolz.
Well I finished my humanities today and I'm totally NOT satisfied.
Though I might've said I give up an stuff,I did study and I did spot.
However,being da fool I was I didn't trust my own feelings.
For SS I manged to spot da SBQ and 2 SEQ
fr history I managed to spot da SBQ and 2 SEQ as well,
just tag for history, I screwed my SEQ
but luckily last minute I decided to study war in Asia pacific
if not i wouldve been dead
both humanities SBQ killed me an let's just say
I was very pissed at myself. I gave myself time to reflect.
I do well in skool so what? In exams those people
hu nvr do well in the end gets da marks.
It's da 'last run' that counts.ha! How terrific
I bet u my marks are gonna go over 30 with this
and all I despise will be there celebrating while I'm da corner mourning
I don't want to take my results anymore
I think I should just retake my exam,but that would mean running
the long race all over again.I don't think i can take it.
Sigh.
Next paper is Chinese.I'm totaly demoralized abt it
everyone on Twitter is like happy and stuff and I'm here sobbing.
I'm so disappointed of myself. I should stop looking at Twitter
all it does is hurt me...I need to stop thinking =.="

well I'm gonna go watch TV.I'm sick of this

a minorly better day...

yo sup

im being bored and hence im here haha!

nothing to do and i think i'll get killed if i keep spamming twitter..

i realised i have nothing to do on da coms now

i dun wanna watch shows cuzi wanna wait till my Os are officially over

and they are officially over....AFTER 3 MORE PAPERS!! YAY!!

i'll soon be like

haha!! totally man.

well the stressful papers are over and by stressful papers i mean killer papers

i seriously am not shitting whn i say 90% of my brain cells died after

my amaths paper...and i mean after EACH amaths paper

seriously wonder why i went for it even though i know i will fail.

i guess it was because i cant run away from things even though they are hard.

this is something i learnt from those boybands. perseverance

yeah i whined and went into a small amount of depression but still

this life aint all rainbows and unicorns. we need stress i guess.

So overall, im not satisfied with my english...seriously i think that im gonna

get a B3 or a B4 or WORSE! C5 :[ im super worried for my english

it is like my only hope in all my subjects....but i made one mistake and i really

think im an idiot to make that mistake.

then there was SS today. i totally screwed it. especially my SBQ.

i saw it and went wtf? know why? thats cuz i nvr practiced SBQ for over a month.

but i spotted at least half da paper lolz. detterance,globalisation and ageing population.

i should have stuck to globalisation though...my guts feelings are not bad eh~~

but this morning i went to self-study and everything was fine until someone came.

yes that...person..although i was all

in my head...i still smiled and talked to her....only 2 more wks left

why harbor hatred anyways.

so im left wif history,chinese and science MCQ~~ sigh cant wait freedom baby!!

ahh well okays i shall go sleep,its already a saturday.... haha!

i might go out today...slack a bit before diving back into history

haha speaking of history, 2days1night was epic....

jiwon-shi....gorbachev was a guy who made the policies of perestroika and glasnost

he aint no novelist..haha~~

ok thn i shall leave here as it is :D

NITES!

Now playing:Duet-TVXQ (a very lovely song)

haha hi

i just needed a place to vent my feelings

and where not better but this dead blog?

no one reads it so hey!im free to rant

i know its during exams time so im supposed to be not using da com like this

and i should be studying my ass off,but im not

im gonna have to pay the price

and that price will be next year...

right now my aim is just C5 for all subs

at least it will get me somewhr.

i am a perfect example of a person who does not care

does not stand for what she wants

never trying

i bet i'll get stuck with a job i wont like

but thats life rite? we dont get what we want unless we try.

but then i hear 'O' lvls and the next word that comes to mind is 'nationwide'

after that comes in the 'top schools' which makes me feel dejected.

if people my class finds the paper easy, dosent tat mean its just a breeze for them?

people like them brings da moederation curve up

but thn again i think, if i worked harder frm the start

i might've be in the top

but no i never once pushed myself harder

i kept doing things i like.

things im not supposed to do.

if i were to get top, i need to be blocked from the social world.

cut off from everything. i tired but i cant

maybe i didnt try hard enough, i'm not sure.

i think im going to disappoint alot of people.

havent i for a very long time

i dont know this year though i have 1 less subject to worry about

i feel worse and stressed.

sigh. i guess its just me. im just worried for next week,

what im gonna face aint gonna be pretty.

well i shall go sleep now. its already 1.30am.

goodnight/morning

-lets hope for a better day-

life is always filled wif ups and downs.

yes yes im back to blog again

cuz i cant keep tweeting. i think i seriously spam people's walls.

sigh

lets jut say im not myself these few days

i dunno if this is what they call 'stress' or mayb im just 'crazy'

who knows...i dont.

i keep listening to songs and i just feel pain.

i dont know why but i keep thinking about my past.

my life of 17 years here. what i seen with my own two eyes since i was 5.

i think i changed especially after my grandparents left.

it is something that i cant get over until now.

just the other day my mum was talking to me abt how she felt that day

i couldnt help bt to tear

bt once again i couldnt show her i was crying.

i dont know why i just dont want to cry in front of people.

it makes me feel weak and vulnerable.

so many times ive tried to hold it back.even now.

i guess maybe because i was alone half my time

i developed the habit of insecurity and loneliness

the silence was my best friend ever since i moved out frm my grandma's place.

i nvr got used to the silence until now

thats why i always sleep in the afternoon until my parents are home.

at night i busy myself so that the silence wont disturb me.

maybe thats why i like music so much.

it keeps me company and talks to me in the lowest points.

its october, which means other thn my Os, its also that month.

i dont know what i am going through

but all i know is im confused and very whats that word to describe this

unmotivated? de-motivated? or just plain not interested, heck on the verge of giving up.

i got my report book. my points were so low, i laughed whn i thought of whr i can go.

whr could i go? no whr. with points like that, no.where.

even if i studied hard i can at most cut off 5 points but hello, we're talking abt Os here.

theres so many 'gifted' students among us hu just love studying

and not like me who procrastinated for most of the time.

its impossible. they say nvr say its impossible cuz everythings possible

yea for some, but for me, i know myself, i know my limits

and i am at my limit now.

i dont know what to do,i am so lost. i am just tired of everything around me.

for once i just want to break down and cry till theres not tmrw

but i cant.

cuz i am not weak.i dont want to be weak.

sigh.well at least i somehow got my feelings out i guess.

i mean no one reads the things here so yea haha~~ personal diary perhaps?

2 more weeks to Os, 6more weeks to the end of Os

life changing-yea. confidence decreasing-yea.do i think i can survive this-no

sigh.

The day one breaks down.

Hey
wow been a long time since I last blogged yeah?
Sigh let's just say things aren't going my way
I feel so...soo left out,feel like a failure,feel so tired
I feel like I can't go on anymore. Everythings so tiring
I mean yeah it's 3weeks more to Os?
Like aft 5 yrs of studying I'm here
but now that I'm here,I don't wanna go through it
maybe I should just leave this place
run to my grandma's house like I did last year
the jump down looks tempting too nt like i'm gonna be missed
it's only 6weeks more a little voice tells me
but what if I don't score well?
What I I can't go anywhr cuz I'm that pathetic?
Repeat Os again? I don think I can go through that
so why am I not studying now.
I'm just tire of everything.
I'm confused.tired.physically and mentally.
Who knew facing this was 10-20 no 100x more thn Ns
I chose the wrong route I chose the wrong doings
I just don't what to do anymore. Everyone arnd me is studying so hard
I'm da only one here doing nothing.
Well they have each other, I have no one
am I not the only one left out everytime? Cme to think of it
I'm no differen from her. Heck! I think now she gt more friend thn me
I don't know what to do,bt sit here, breathe the smoke in
and see hw da future goes.

Sincerely;
a girl wif a messed up/crappe life

Untittled post.

yo yo yo updating post again haha

sigh hows life? tiring

hows skool? i think im gonna fling it.

i have a feeling tat next year the place i am going to is not poly

sigh kinda giving up already

its tiring...somemore,studying is not my passion

so all the more does it feel like a burden then a joyful day.

this week was tiring, not sure why but yea

im always sleepy cuz i keep sleeping at 12 or 1 am.

yes 12 or 1 am is late for me

not to mention on weds morning da bloody rain woke me up -,-

sigh

i seriously think im totally flinging everything

and am just not gonna get anywhr in life.

sometimes i guess im just useless

taking up space only.

sigh

not to mention these days its just so complicating

how many years already...since then?

i still think about it. when something happens

i feel something. i shall call it jealousy.

and it sucks. i thought i have forgotten

but i have not. i guess i have to continue to hate as i always did.

sigh why cant i for once smile for a week in genuine?

i am just really really troubled and sad

i want to get away

i want to stop studying,being a student,

but once i stop what happens? i dont have a life.

sigh

i feel like the time in N lvls. at least last year i had a goal.go to sec 5. 19 points.

now!? nothing!! i dun noe whr to go,i don't know what to do

i really seriously think i am either gonna retain or end up somewhr i dun want to

seriously why does everyone seem to have it easy?

i tell myself i have to do it, i study, but no matter how i study i still fling it!

its irritating! not enough practice,not enough reading they might say

but im sick of it all!

this week, i managed to walk home twice and cleared my mind

the sky was so blue and beautiful

for that few minutes nothing was on my mind.

i smiled like a mad person walking home under the hot sun

but looking at the sky made me a free person.

by walking home along i felt at peace

i didnt have to think about what would happen, what needs to be done

what my actions will bring.

sigh.

i wish for a better day everyday. a day i would stop hurting, a day i can

overcme my thoughts and fears. a day i can be free.

believe.be strong.

so tonight dosent seem like a good night
some of my friends are going through a rough patch
i dont know what but seeing them just makes me feel sad too
i may never understand what they go through
but i want to help them
but i can only give them a words of encouragement
but i am yet not close to them
so my words of encouragement become anonymous sentences

really many of us have been through ups and down

cuz of trying to find the real u,family,peers,relationships

at many times when things just fall and crash we will feel helpless

the only 2 words i can say is. be strong

we all should understand that even if u feel it,

u are never alone.

there will always be someone.

if u cant take it cry it out

guy or girl its not written in black and white

that its wrong to cry

if u fear people seeing u

just cry under da covers

rmbr theres hope tmrw

personally,

i rarely have anyone to go to cuz im always insecure

so in the end everything every pain is always in me

in the end i just write them all out like this.

at times,i find myself crying in the middle of the night

i ask myself why was i born? whats so good about this?

my answer to myself was,u get to see tmrw.

being alive and seeing tmrw is a fortunate thing.

even though i may say things like "gosh i wish i can just die"

but i take them back

life is something u must cherish

thats what i learnt

people who feel life's useless shld watch the news more often

force urself to see what this world is going through

while ur having fun,have food to eat,be picky abt it

theres people suffering having a total opposite life frm urs

i learnt abt death just 2 to 1 year ago

and it was sad. i lost someone so close to me.

but of course someone took it worse

i had to stay strong tats what i told myself.

so throughout tat whole stay i never cried.

if i threatened to cry i told myself i have to be strong

however when i came back, i went to my room

and that night i cried non stop and slept in my tears.

life is really hard.its not always bright and sunny

people say u can never buy happiness

i believe so too

u can only earn happiness.

i believe tat one way that can really get u going is music

when ur down u hear this one song u get better

when ur down write it on paper and pen

get 'em out

well on this cold late night or morning

i shall say gdbye

rmbr tmrw's always a better day..believe tat.

Nothing much..

Hey!
Haha blogging from my itouch cool leh
ahh well I got bored and just wanted to
type,I cld do it on twitter,but I think I'm
flooding it haha like so boring lor
no one to talk too there sigh~~

so yesterday had a fun day out
wif K,B,M ^^
went bukit Timah to eat
we were supposed to ear Korean food
but in da end we ate yummy western
and char kway tiao ><
aft tat we went to west mall
went to comics connection...
I lk here and thr keep see buh-toost
sigh I can't get out of buh-toost's grasp haha
oh well secretly between this post and me,
I used to like them.I mean first time when they debuted
i think was wif mystery someone let me hear
I was like Aiya nt nice la
but then I heard bad girl and totally
loved it then came shock even more epic ^^
but thn dunno y I can't like them
pfft ohh well i'm nt really missing anything
anyways~~

so I'm really bored and depressed today
oh wait I'm hapy for now WHY?
Cuz jet lag by simple plan is on 91.3fm ^^
sigh randomm~~
gonna work tmrw
lolz another random thing
gonna do some paper wrk I guess,
no money though cuz I'm just helping
my mom's office lolz...
Mayb aft I finish wrk I'll stop by
west mall grab a gift and go home haha yeaa..

Ok I think I wrote a lot.. Or mayb TOOO MUCHHH~~
haha
nitez!!!

boring essays lead to boring pictures haha

hellooo~~

constant day bloggin yea? haha

maybe i would during da hols

but only one week left as i said before

haha

well lets see...today? nothing rather happened..why?

cuz i stayed at home ^^

i slept da longest time on da weekday for this holiday~~

i woke up at 12pm awesome rite?

gosh skool reopen cant do tat anymore...

after i woke up, did some house chores started on my work

but got distracted and ended up watchin paul

OMG it is SUCH a hilarious moviee!!! haha

my fave line by far is

"are you gonna probe us?"

"why do people always think tat?what am i doing? am i harvesting farts?

how much can i learn from an ass?!"

haha!!! so damn epic man!!

after that i continued wif my essays and my english...sigh boring rite?

haha and when i get bored and distracted i tend to take loads of pics

haha so yea...

keke mayb i'll post some? haha

well i shall go..

diner is waiting for me WHEEEEE

^^

(my stationaries accompanying me)

(took da time to re-cut my fringe just da way i like it ^^)

(i have a wide forehead T~T)

bloggin at 1am Like a bird

okay i miss blogging here so much haha

so guess what 3rd week of holiday has come and almost going

i have no had fun

i have rather been really unpleased and unhappy all da while

no skool but still no fun pfft..

so nothing much had been going out

i went out a couple of times wif some peeps

i got cuuuteeee stationaries ^^

i spent some days finishing my humanities

which now i realise still have 8 essays waiting for me

to be written tmrw -.-

oh yah today was an epic day

as i went to do some cash transfer today via machine

(which can be done in da deposit machine even without a card! yes i find

that totally amazing)

so i place my money in and 1 of my $10 got rejected

cuz it was umm crumpled...but tat wasnt the end of it!

my note got stuck...(or rather i think in my p.o.v the machine

got pissed at me and hence did not want to let go...) i finally

pulled it out and voliá out came out my note

totally crumpled at da side... HENG for plastic notes

if not i'd totally have bashed da machine =.=

then da coin machine another funny one... $0.02 as deposit..

thnks..great.

aft tat i went to meet my bestie,also my pri skool fren

kinda talked a long time and got introduced to "im a banana, im a bananana"

yeah its addictive...

so now im here bloggin, surfing here and there

edit some stuff as soon okay not soon 1 more week

its a special day for someone. well i guess da person wont be

reading cuz yea my blog's considered dead.but if da person does read then

ah ha hope u like it.

sigh something i realised today in my life.

the more i hate something, i start to like it....

sigh...ahh well cant seem to hate too much things then haha

well i shall go sleep now

i havent slept properly in a while....kept forcing myself to wake up

im not putting my alarm on tmrw ^^

well nites!!! have sweeeet dreams

(im starting to like this guy ^ but if i did it'd be a problem cuz

i dun want to like buh-toost...i think they hav enuf fans...)

(HOWEVER DB5K is different ^^ i will forever be supporting

da 5 of them they introduced me to a different type of music

haha~~)

hi hi~~

hey hey

bloggin here again

shoo i have decided on trying my hands on tumblr..

hey i try my hands on everything so yea haha

i mean i used wordpress before etc.

so i decided why not try tumblr

i was thinking very hard if i shld make one

cuz i know of no one who has a tumblr.

so well i guess its gonna be another world

whr its silent haha

same as here anyways

here is shooo dead..

haha

so the holidays so far was fun

thurs i had tution so didnt enjoy much

friday MQ came over we played wii and went crazy taking pics

after that an sms came and we teleported to BPP for mcflurrys..

on sat hung wif MQ and KR again, we went to bugis first

slack around

and i bought a cute mechanical pencil :D

super cute. i know i know im not the person who goes for cute stuffs but yea

haha

then we squished to the crowd and bought ourselves hotdog to eat

someone managed to use her 2 dollar note.. *YAY*

haha

after that we were thirsty so we went " ok lets go drink starbucks"

haha went there treated MQ as belated b'day prezzy,bought whole bean

coffee for myself to drink at home wif my rents

(it was sooo delicious coffee...ultimate taste)

after that we walked to clarke quay again

i always seem to end up at clarke quay when i go out

hey i love that place haha its nice.

then since my parents were there too

they fetched MQ and KR home as well

haha

epic fun in the back of the van haha

after i dropped off everyone, my mom was like

"it sounded like you were having a party back there,

what was so thrilling about being at the back of the van"

oh i dont know...it was like a roller coaster simulation without handles

we had an epic parody of ju-on and also the epic

scene of trying to open the door haha~~

i hate so much fun wif them

too bad we didnt take pictures..

next time we go out lets go for neo prints okay? haha

well im going out tmrw wif my rents again..

vivo yay~~

shall keep my eyes peeled for things haha

buh-bye

another post from moi mua haha

hey well i am blogging again

whoo hoo~~

currently am in the midst of my mid year examinations

so why am i not studying?

well i think i am gonna fail these two papers coming on tuesday.

i declare myself as a really weird person.

i tell myself i must do something abt it if not i will fail

but no. i just do some problems and go "ahh pfft thats it im failing this"

i am absolutely and very very sad and angry at myself for my humanities paper.

this time, for sure, i am going to fail it. and then my teacher would feel that

we're arrogant again. suits our class name 5A-Arrogant

i wan 'G'back again. at times i sit in class. look to my right and my left.

i suddenly wish i was in 2008, i and in 2G again. i miss all my classmates there.

anyways last night was the end of the really thrilling 2011 elections

my twitter page was flooded wif elections and guess what

we're not even eligible to vote :D

anyways im sad that Mr george yeo did not get voted

i mean i do wish that opposition could get seats in parliment

cuz they are the real voice of the people, however

george yeo from the pap was the voice for us, teenagers

he made an effort to connect to us

the next generation of singaporeans whom will shape the future

sigh

well lets see the next 5 years how will singapore become?

for the better or the worst?

i cant do anything abt it cuz i am not able to vote this time round

well i hope the newly selected cabinet ministers know

that singaporeans are watching your every move.

and ur every move,every word counts in the next election's votes.

okay i feel like 40 years old or something talking so much about politics

SOOOoooo lifes boring yeah. we all get that a lot.

amaths, e-maths, physics and mother tongue paper 3

omg talking mother tongue i am utterly shocked.

i seriously think my marks got mixed up.

ok ay lets rewind to last friday.

the 2nd day of my sickness

and it got worse by the end of the day

i rarely had enough energy to stay up during amaths

then during oral my voice was so hoarse.

people around me told me to tell da teacher that i had a sore throat

but i think it was pretty obvious

furthermore all i had in my mind was toilet,

so i was like "okay pass or fail get this over and done wif. i need the toilet"

so my turn came, read the passage and then the questions

she ask i said back and then it went on like that

i wanted to get it over and done wif cuz i was damn urgent!

so on tues when someone msn me my marks my jaw dropped

i couldnt believe it..

i really do not deserve my marks.

hmmm tmrw is a skool holiday

i think im gonna spend my time slacking..

just now, had a call frm my relatives in japan

got a shock when i saw my phone put thr "out of reach"

i have an epic phobia of receving calls frm them at night

luckily it wasnt anything serious

however, my mum say mayb can never go to japan. :[

i was so sad! how can she say that!

i want to go! i only went there like less then 10 times in my life!

i only go to see my grandparents there less then 10 times as well!

so next time people say in my face

im so lucky, being half etc. think abt it first then say

though at times i think its fun being half, but reality does sink in

and it sucks.

oh and also never say that being the only child is lucky

its painful okay.

ok its getting depressing and friggin hot here!!

shall go sleep now haha nites :D

(i am officially addicted to this show)

(uhm taewoong :D)

(his really handsome when he laughs)

(see his smile so cute~~oh i rmbr this ep

his first time on 1N2D :D)

(last but not least IL-BON NEEE~~~)

a well.lame and boring post.

hi

well havent been updating my blog at all~~

lolz.thats maybe cuz well no one really reads my blog so yea.

but since i'm bored and waiting for 2day1night vid to upload

i decided to blog :D

well MYEs are here..yes and i am so dead cuz im not studying.

im so gonna fling everything like for CT1.

heck worse then CT1..

always like that.

i had 2 whole days to study

but i kept slipping into dreamland

due to the double times of drowsy medicines

yes.i am having the flu again.

however just when i want to sleep

the elections lorry comes around and disturbs me =.=

as i am unable to vote at my current age

and whatever or whoever is voted will affect me

but i have no say~~ im just gonna say this.

like please stop bothering me!!

i managed to sleep at 3am this morning and

i am woken up at 10.14am by

"if are not satisfied with the government, vote for SDP"

OR

"i am gan kim yong,vote for PAP"

aish! then when the 2 lorry kana back to back, they try to outblare each other.

=.= please can u think for the people who are sick and suffering at home?

today was very sad for me :[

i was super lonely and depressed at home.

i couldnt study cuz my sickness made me feel so dull.

cant read a book cuz the medicine made me dizzy.

all i could do was lie on the sofa and lk at the ceiling.

everybody go out have fun i stay at home like this.

plus my voice has not returned to me yet D:

tuesday skool already leh! sigh

i must have looked utterly terrible on friday

cuz when i came home, i felt so dizzy..

luckily though i think there was no tuition today.lolz.

my parents bought me clothes today.,.yay~~

all 'one piece' anime tees though.

i dun mind though, haha its nice.

purple, blue and white shirts.

haha ok, seems like my 2days1night vids have loaded.

i totally am addicted to this show!!!

im so gonna store it in my itouch haha

watch it when i feel depressed

even with the new member

it adds more to the show haha

ok then buh-bye~~

have you ever dreamed of running away to someplace?

well i have. i dreamt of running away

or rather study really hard to get into a school there.

and somehow get a feel of living there.

but now i cant.

even if i have the money i cant go anymore.

this week, our school did a donation drive for japan.

on tuesday the teacher showed videos of the destruction

happened in japan.

all the students watched so intensely.

i wonder what they all thought. for me

i could watch it. i heard sounds of "tsk tsk tsk" frm the sidelines of the hall.

saying pitiful state japan is in.

i couldnt watch a single video that day cuz tears were threatening to fall.

though i never went there half my life, i lived here for almost all my life,

it still hurts. i wonder what my mom thinks at times. but she seems

to not have any thought abt it at all..like no hurt.

but im so sad abt it. im also sad i cant help in any way. its just terrible.

that 11days i stayed in japan once totally opened my eyes.

how my life would've been if i lived there. made me feel so close.

so now, i see whats happening its so sad.

as days pass, things get worse there. radiation levels are soaring,

lack of food, water is getting scarce, some people i know

are saying they are scared of what to come.

i really hope things will settle soon. things will be better for them.

a better tmrw for everyone there.

DAY of nothingness~~

oh look! new post from me.

BE HAPPY! haha im joking

sooooo lets see, school holidays naw naw naw

i've been using the com like everyday haha

so lets see what i did these few days...

on tuesday the 3 people can my house, KMB lolz..

very impromtu. me and MQ were talking of how bored we were

and how long her game was loading

then we talk talk talk and she came over.

before that i wanted to make a drink, so i went to BPP to buy stuffs.

there, met a few classmates. waited for KA to 'wake up' and we went to her house downstairs

to wait for her. as we walked, BN say she can come so we waited for her

at a playground, slack there haha.

finally she arrived, and we walked to my place, there we play games and talk

but like only 3 hours only haha... but it was fun : ]

on wednesday, i took the time out from the super-fast world

and plugged my earphones to my mp3 and read a book for 4 hours.

back to back yes. i read a total of 2 books,

cuz in between i fell asleep for abt 5 minutes.

after that started flipping channels. nothing to watch

came home got scolded for doing nothing.. OH COME ON! ITS THE HOLIDAYS!

got pms also dun attack me mah (._.)

on thurday, today, morning woke up to an awesome weather

dragged myself out the awfully comfortable bed to get my ass

to the seat in the auditorium in skool.

reach, remedial start, kana shoot.

"what are the terms, what punishment, why the allies wanted this"

all the bombs came flying.

i seriously think the whole class thought the same thing "shit."

aish. like the question cher ask also so weird =.=

of maybe because i never like studying chapter 2.1 of history

hence BARELY even read it therefore i was totally blur in class =.="

after that was SS, my file was taken by cher to show the whole class

eh very embarrassing okay!

then she went through syllabus when she suddenly ask me and another student

"hows ur family in japan" i totally stun diao. im like "their okay" and thought,

its not my family but my relatives..

moving on then cher started lecturing again on how we shouldnt be -in short- arrogant

cuz we're doing better in all our subjects but not our mother tongue

and i seriously think i saw her staring at me. like zoom~

lolz... im not good in mother tongue nor physics and totally

not interested in both.

after SS and history went to lot 1 library taught someone humanities.

im not good at teaching as to me i believe that 1 need to write everything out

and understand it one by one through any means of method by yourself

but i tried teaching..duno if she learnt anyting or pretended to listen so yea.

this was my day lolz.nothing much, super boring

except the fact i didnt know that koreans go to library to study!

totally culture shocking haha~~

ok ok

i shall go now..i mean i did update right haha

buh-bye~~

(lolz metallic blue nails :P)

(some people very into the game haha)

("im too tall for this" MQ "heh! i see something *step* KA)

( "save me~~!!!")

(my wednesday was spent with this 2)

( sundown in skool)

(i love this pic :] its on my personal laptop haha)

(i hated doing this..so chim)

( got bored doing chinese..lolz..i just realised my forehead is damn big =.=)

one of my current fav songs.

English Translation:
Dear you,
Who's reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?

For me who's 15 years old
There are seeds of worries I can't tell anyone

If it's a letter addressed to my future self,
Surely I can confide truly to myself

Now, it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
In the midst of this pain, I live the present

Dear you,
Thank you
I have something to tell the 15-year-old you

If you continue asking what and where you should be going
You'll be able to see the answer

The rough seas of youth may be tough
But row your boat of dreams on
Towards the shores of tomorrow

Now, please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice
For me as an adult, there are sleepless nights when I'm hurt
But I'm living the bittersweet present

There's meaning to everything in life
So build your dreams without fear
Keep on believing

Seems like I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?

Please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice

No matter era we're in
There's no running away from sorrow
So show your smile, and go on living the present
Go on living the present

Dear you,
Who's reading this letter
I wish you happiness

Nature has its own fury. prayers to japan.

hey bloggin here.

things are going badly everywhere now, especially somewhere close.

japan got struck with a 8.8 magnitude earthquake. not only that

the north-east of japan got a tsunami of 10m hitting on them.

it is the worst catastrophe japan has ever seen.

i heard this news like really late after about 5 hours yesterday.

i was in school studying, after that stayed back for chinese mock exam paper

(which i must add was horrible and hard that i forgot how to write my own chinese

name which is made up by the easiest characters in chinese)

after that i still had to stay back to help out at the parents-meet session

which was really tiring, or maybe cuz i was in school from 7.20 in the morning.

after the whole parents-meet i strolled towards the hall for principal's dialogue

as i went there, bry suddenly told me about it. i was shocked. though its at the north-east

it is still worrying.

when i came home and switched the tv to news, the scene was devastating.

the waters rushing, submerging the entire place into mere mud.

i was worried for my cousins and my relatives there. but it was already 11pm at night

here which meant 12am there i cant possibly call

so instead i called today. it took a while for the phone call to go through, but it did

my cousin picked up,luckily, im more comfortable talking to her. she said things

rattled a lot, but everyone was alright. however it seems my youngest cousin got

influenza. at least they werent much affected by the earthquakes. as the day passed

worser news came in like how the nuclear plant in fukushima had exploded. it is scary.

then around 5pm suddenly we got a phone call from there. i got a huge shock. when i picked it up

it was totally cracking and i thought what happened. however they called once again and

it seems everything was alright, just the satelite problem i guess.

my uncle had called and said everything was fine and not to worry.

well how to not worry 0.0 its like on every news possible!

but this is a serious problem. being an avid social studies students i HAVE to talk about this.

japan's economy was already at its worse when this disaster happened

the impact this disaster is going to bring on the japanese economy would

be very harsh. i hope that the government would really do its best to fix it.

the people are suffering already and i really pray that as days go well,

things would get better.

this is really a serious issue. and i wish everyone to be safe.

nature is something we cant predict, so we can only pray

that things dont worsen

well i should end here i still have stuffs to do like persuading my mom

to email them our address =.= i seriously wonder at times if she really cares.

since my grandparents passed away it seems like she dosent care much

although she was really devastated about what is happening.

im more of the one worried then her.

oh well, going to go back persuading her..bye..

end of the week,start of a week.

im bloggin again cuz im friggin bored

ok im not bored, but well i have stuffs to do

but i just dont wanna do them...heh lazy pig right?

flu is still with me so i have no idea how im gonna make it

in skool tmrw.

im gonna need to force myself not to speak too much.

sigh.hope i can go though tmrw without much difficulty.

i seriously think my blog entries are stupid.

all i write about is skool,skool and more on skool.

haha nothing much going on in my life

but paper and pencils.amazing right?

people my age gets to hang out and live their life

where else im stuck here with my flu

and struggling to understand why numbers are made out of equations.

jeez.i cant wait for the day i get to actually live.

cuz right now, this life aint called living. its called slogging.

just today i was watching 2days 1night where the crew climbed

Seoraksan and to the 3rd highest peak in south korea. i was watching it

and totally felt amazed.

i also want to try climbing something like that, see a scenery so free.

so free and far. gosh how nice would it feel? how amazing the air of freedom

can be? and also the coldness...i only felt summer heat.

what is it like to feel so cold that your hands go numb?

i wanna take an airplane and fly far away

but how can i ? when this place keeps pulling me back again and again..

this is depressing

before it gets even more depressing i shall end it here..

i need some rest anyways...the medication is settling in :]

well good night people

and have a good week..

last week till march holidays :D

(though i CANT be considered as a holiday as i bet at least 3 out of the 5 days

i'll have to go back for lessons =.=)

byeeee~~

late post.

wow..been a supper long time since i blogged...

lets see..hmm well first things first common test is over

i basically flunked all my subjects..

well i passed most except physics..of course...it HAD to fail me =.=

im still not sure of my humanities mark cuz i didnt go to skool on friday..

the reason? simple. im sick..im sick still want me to go to skool?

wait long long..im debating whether not to even go to skool on monday.

but then again i went to skool today..and came back coughing like crazy again.

well its a very quiet saturday night for me.

i bet half the people i know are out there partying

but guess what im at home, did some homework

and now am using the com. lolz..epic.

later im gonna drink that sleepy medication again

and get knocked out for more then 6 hours..amazing right?

i cant wait...these few days thanks to it

i have a very good sleep..lolz.long time didnt sleep so well.

anyways schools boring as usual. i kinda really got depressed about my marks.

sigh i really dont know..im just really disappointed in myself

i guess i must work harder? but i know i will do very very badly for my Os

knowing myself, im actually wasting a year :] ahh well what to do?

i guess imma have to try right? but i think its gonna be an epic

failure again. =.= this time is no joke..cuz those 3 months for which i didnt study

really made me loose my touch in studying..sigh

ahh well,ok i guess imma go and drink my medicines

get knocked out into dreamland again..haha

i cant wait to get out of skool..seriously.

i dont find anything fun about it. maybe im changing

i feel irritated the second i step in.

i dont find happiness in it anymore

i dont find the reason of going there anymore

i feel that everyone around me is forcing a smile

or am i just too quiet?

i feel left out and depressed.

gosh it sucks man..but hey at the end of the day

we say bye and we leave.

and im all alone again.

i guess in my life, theres only me,myself and i.

gonna go now.later people.

(all i did was flip the pic and i got this..

a total different scenary)

(a scene i came home to 1 day)

(starting to be a frequent tea drinker~~ lolz)

(a caged bird wanting to be free)

(and i thought 3 was alot..this much medication

is absurd!!)

(doggy~~ :D)

(starbucks...lolz...wanna drink it again)

(eyore took my drink...)

living life like theres no tmrw? yea right. in ur dreams

hey~~

havent been updating...as usual~~ lolz.

nothing much has been happening in life,

just that each passing day im getting more tired

im just surprised i havent gotten sick yet...

next week are the common tests, so not prepared la~~

sigh.

people my age now have already graduated and are starting life

in a new place or school.

but im still in the same school,spending a year doing Os...

im so confused, did i really choose the right path?

im so tired that at times i really feel like quitting.

i dont know what is holding me to be there...

get 12 points?! 10 points!? dream on man.

i have never been a optimist and will never be.

if one is always positive, all u feel will be negativity

and u will only be lying to urself that everything is going to be okay.

when in reality everything is going downhill.

sigh.

i really,as i said many times before,really

wanna get out of here, go on a journey far away.

why must i be stuck here at this age!?

im young! i should be exploring, but what am i doing?

im stuck here, with books piled up around me,

homework after homework,minutes,to hours everything passing by.

if i dun do well here, im destined for doom in the future.

why must one's life be so miserable?

working like theres no tmrw just for this filthy thing we call 'living'.

but then i guess, thats reality.

ok im gonna go, im being too depressed here and im tired.

life goes on no matter how much i nag.

i have class again tmrw.sigh. then after tmrw

its monday. life starts all over again.

well im gonna go.

nites.