cuz i cant keep tweeting. i think i seriously spam people's walls.
sigh
lets jut say im not myself these few days
i dunno if this is what they call 'stress' or mayb im just 'crazy'
who knows...i dont.
i keep listening to songs and i just feel pain.
i dont know why but i keep thinking about my past.
my life of 17 years here. what i seen with my own two eyes since i was 5.
i think i changed especially after my grandparents left.
it is something that i cant get over until now.
just the other day my mum was talking to me abt how she felt that day
i couldnt help bt to tear
bt once again i couldnt show her i was crying.
i dont know why i just dont want to cry in front of people.
it makes me feel weak and vulnerable.
so many times ive tried to hold it back.even now.
i guess maybe because i was alone half my time
i developed the habit of insecurity and loneliness
the silence was my best friend ever since i moved out frm my grandma's place.
i nvr got used to the silence until now
thats why i always sleep in the afternoon until my parents are home.
at night i busy myself so that the silence wont disturb me.
maybe thats why i like music so much.
it keeps me company and talks to me in the lowest points.
its october, which means other thn my Os, its also that month.
i dont know what i am going through
but all i know is im confused and very whats that word to describe this
unmotivated? de-motivated? or just plain not interested, heck on the verge of giving up.
i got my report book. my points were so low, i laughed whn i thought of whr i can go.
whr could i go? no whr. with points like that, no.where.
even if i studied hard i can at most cut off 5 points but hello, we're talking abt Os here.
theres so many 'gifted' students among us hu just love studying
and not like me who procrastinated for most of the time.
its impossible. they say nvr say its impossible cuz everythings possible
yea for some, but for me, i know myself, i know my limits
and i am at my limit now.
i dont know what to do,i am so lost. i am just tired of everything around me.
for once i just want to break down and cry till theres not tmrw
but i cant.
cuz i am not weak.i dont want to be weak.
sigh.well at least i somehow got my feelings out i guess.
i mean no one reads the things here so yea haha~~ personal diary perhaps?
2 more weeks to Os, 6more weeks to the end of Os
life changing-yea. confidence decreasing-yea.do i think i can survive this-no
sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment