Sunday, December 30, 2012

Reflect for the year 2012

Wow. Its been a while since i wrote a post eh~~

My reaction 

So...2012. what a year it has been.
It was filled with loads of ups and downs.

Da ups/highlights

I entered a new phase in my life as a student. I somehow managed to get myself into a polytechnic and i found myself studying a course that is somewhat like mass comm (ironically my course name was changed into mass comm frm Dip of communications and information design...yeah that's kind of a long name)

I was very insecure in the beginning and I tried to tell myself not to make any friends and just live through poly invisibly and simply as I can. However things turned out for the better as time passed. I made friends and I had awesome people as my classmates (for both sem 1 and sem 2)

I got used to the school system as time passed as well and I felt this school's system  seemed to be the best for me.
 I learnt many different things over the year it's crazy . Classes may be stressful at times but with my crazy classmates I forget about it. However one thing I should change is the fact that I can't slack when I do presentations and stuff. I should really learn to slack wen I get back frm my holidays. But I have 2 projects waiting for me when I return so...yeah it's a bit sucky. Marketing and media Writing projects are waiting for me.sigh.

Second thing this year...
 I finally got off my ass to learn my 3rd language ,Japanese. You have no idea how excited my mum was...I also sat for my JLPT this year. Though its only N4 at least I tried taking it :) the lessons are a whole new experience for me and I enjoy it more then my Chinese of course. But since I take night classes it's kinda tiring for me as well.
But all's cool. I'll be taking advanced courses next year so...I hope I'll be fine haha...

the 3rd highlight

Oh yes, of course. This year, I had turned 18. Turning 18 brought me more adventures then I ever could ask for. I was legal and I had a little bit more freedom as compared to the past. I hung out more with my friends and my parents didn't scold me much.
I also had my first drink and smoke. When I think back now it's been kind of a wild and hectic year for me. Especially when I'm the type whose always conscious of everything around her and feel guilty for doing things I shouldn't. But I didn't so yeah! It's my turn to rebel sometimes.

the 4th highlight

One of the big highlight of the year for me was the concerts I attended.I attended not 1 but 2 concerts this year :)
One ok rock concert was the best ever. It brought me back to my Rock roots and also opened doors for me into J-rock. It was amazing. At the concert, I realized what I have been missing the past years and kind of got back the spirit of going bak to listen to rock music. I really really love them and can't wait to go for another of their concert. Also, I found my new drummer crush. Tomoya. He is cute, has long hair, loves food and an awesome wild-ass drummer. There's nothing to not like about him ><
The other concert I went to was SM Town. Well it was another miracle concert and another impromptu decision ( same for one ok rock). It was a blast. With this concert I can safely say I saw the 5 members of DBSK :) it was a wild night cuz it rained towards the end of the concert but it was amazing. Singing and just being wet in the rain. However if next time I were to go for an outdoor concert, I'm bringing a poncho haha.

the 5th highlight
Other then that, thanks to a friend of mine I was opened to the Japanese culture in Singapore. I went for the natsumatsuri which was really interesting and I had loads of fun.

Also I picked up my guitar again and am improving each day. I just gotta thank my friends who got me back into playing the guitar. I can play a lot of songs now. Something i would've not imagined one year ago haha.
But then again I did many things I thought I would've never do.


The down things in 2012 

 Firstly my mom who got badly injured at the ending of 2011. I was really sad for her and I had to stop working to look after her. However I took it as a sign from the gods to spend more time with her so I was happy with it.

Another down event for me was when my so called 'grandfather' was badly sick. From my posts urging that period you could really see how down I was but its because I didn't want to accept him. I never did and never will but during that time I was really stressed out an stuff so it was kind of hard on me. I also turned to drinking to get a good night's sleep so that was a bad thing as well.

Well, that's all I kinda remember and are the highlights for the year 2012. No it did not end as they said it will. I had a blast and found a type of new found freedom. I guess now I just gotta see what 2013 has in store for me. :)

Have a HAPPY New Year~~

for more pics of my year follow me on instagram :)


Saturday, December 8, 2012

music and life.

What's up~~
i've been listening to my chemical romance again and been re-living my old memories.
How did i get into music so much and made it the number one influence in my life?
i think it was because it was the only thing that made me know that i the world is actually moving and has noise.
The fact that i could relate to the song lyrics was also another reason why i started listening and writing my own songs.
However over the years if i were to make a timeline of songs i listen to often, there is a real transition. it is like my music grows as i grow.

I started getting into music when i was 10, after i heard where is the love by black eyed peas and soon after welcome to my life by simple plan. As i was very restricted in my movements when i was young, after school i normally went straight home. someone picked me, i didnt go running along playing in the playground but i bathed and sat in front of the television watching MTV's TRL. that was how i lived most of my primary school and first half of secondary school years. Also, i spent most nights listening to radio, 98.7fm especially. If someone were to let me listen to a song, i could tell them who was the artist and what song it was.

However i think the point of my life music saved me the most was when i was 11. When i was finding myself. i felt that everything was against me ( i still do, but then i just didnt understand why some people just wanna ruin my life) thats when i heard helena on MTV and i fell in love with them. wow, how long has it been since i first heard that song? Bascially after i got into my chemical romance, it was soon followed after by The used, Paramore, avenged sevenfold, Taking back sunday. My shelfs was replaced from pop magazines or the then 'Lime' magazine to alternative press and random guitar magazines (it was still a time when i had no guitar).

At 12 when i was at the bottom and the brink of falling because of family problems and the pressure i felt in taking an exam, i somehow just wanted to fall and never come back. However, music held me back and the year after my darkest year, i got to see my chem live. it was the best feeling ever.
It was my first concert and it was awesome. I can still remember the feeling of attending it. though i could not see them clearly and the sound system was crap i was awesome.

Sometimes i miss listening to the old songs i used to love, some thing about the current music is different. i dont know because most of them are dance hits or its because i have high expectations after my chemical romance. My chem is really a unique band, their songs from life on a murder scene was one of the best albums i have ever heard and one that is really different. I wish to find more bands like them in this current year but i am not sure if i can anymore.

I guess as i said before, as we grow up, our music tastes change. Maybe because my anger and revenge feels have died, however at times when im angry and i hear these songs it calms me down so it still works.
Music is something that will always be there for you when you are down, so if you are going through a hard time like how i did when i was young, lock yourself in the room, listen to music. Find your favorite  who knows it might save you as how my chemical romance saved me.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


Hey all-!!
Been very busy da whole week and yeah everything was kinda messed up.
Lets see...
Monday I had marketing lesson AND marketing UT..THEN on Tuesday,it was marketing again.
For 2days I was like "shit my life man. What is this".
Also, marketing Ut was not really what I expected BUT weds paper was worse.

Another incident that occurred on Tuesday was that my night class got cancelled. I reached at like 7pm (my class starts at 7.15pm), after chatting with the Cher and my classmates the lesson started. However we smelt something like a gas leak or like oil. Then suddenly da stuff came into our class and said die to some renovation, the entire floor wif class that day is cancelled.
Only 3 words went through my life.
"Fck my life"
Eventually Sunday I have to for make up lesson =____=

Oh HoOO Wednesday was really a crap day. Not only did we need to edit an article we had our media and society UT.
I swear I didn't know what I was doing in the UT and it'll be a miracle if I passed.

now that's today. By far da best day.
Morning ker and I were like Smsing like how we wanted to go for SM TOWN and regretted not to buy before hand ( but seriously I couldn't afford the ticket) then I told her you know what this is once in a lifetime kinda thing. So lets go an watch frm MBS or esplanade. Then she suggested we go search on twitter like how I did for the 'miracle' JYJ fanmeet in Singapore.
But when I went to class, I forgot because I was too immersed in watching vampire prosecutor 2 (it's super awesome but I feel that their gonna have season 3. It didn't end properly man)
Then suddenly ker called me and went
Then I was like ok wait. Call mum And check first but she didnt answer.
So I was like heck it. Even if my parents say 'No' I'm going. So I told ker I will go.
Then when I got through my mum she was like "it's tohoshinki's one right? See! That time ask u who say dun wan go...GO LA-!! They will never cme Singapore after this one!"

So yeah. Of all kpop groups my mum supports my love for TVXQ. She say that "she can't follow the rest of the group an TvXQ's Japanese are really good. Their songs are nice too"
Yes I made my mum listen to them. She likes junsu's voice but like Jae Joong.

So anyways, So that is my story on ker and I's miracle ticket to sm town. I can't wait. I'm gonna take this chance to make myself happy cuz after this it's gonna e a rough week.

I got a class on Saturday for my JLPT then Sunday is my make up class for Tuesday. Gahhhhh

I think I dun need to think of resting rofl.

Ok then people.
Gonna try my best to do my homework ><

Friday, November 16, 2012

Hey whats up!
Yup another long week has come to an end (or rather a short week since tuesday was a holiday).
yeah im super tired now because i like just came back from my friend's house.
Yup i went to my friend's house to play rockband.

I kinda feel bad today cuz i was split between 2 cliques. My poly friends and my close secondary frens. But like cuz my sec frens like never confirm with me if their going so i was like okay then i go my poly friend's house to play rock band. Then suddenly when i was slacking in school, my friend call me and they were like " im done! lets go watch movie" i was so happy that i didnt realise that i would have a whole lot explaining to do to my poly friends.
But in the end, intead, i went to play rock band since you know, i said yes to them already.

I'm damn happy cuz like now i can play the 'medium' difficulty for the drums omg!!!
i really wish i could play the real drums..that would be so cool lolz.

So this week, what was fun was my media and society lesson.
we learnt about the use of blogs and i was introduced to the OB marker (out-of-bound marker it is apprarently only used in singapore..where bascially one must know what to write and were to stop writing especially if they write on sensitive issue regarding race or religiong especially)
i was kind of surprised how efficient singapore technology was to detect such problems. Its amazing.
so like though i think no one reads my blog, some people might just stumble upon it so it reminded me to be more careful of what to write.

okay then cuz i have a long day ahead tmrw (3hrs of crash class for JLPT N4..gahhhhh)
i shall go sleep. gonna wake up early to do my homework too! rofl.
Also, i really gotta start studying my UT...its like on monday, yet today i went out to play rockband.
How amazing.
Guess i'll chiong study on sunday and tuesday rofl.

well nights then!! ><

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Mehhh Post

Hey!! HIII!!!!


No.. no i am not going to be an emo in this post.
i have decided that i should stop pondering about things and move on.
they have a life and i do too.


Anyways, SO what have i been up to?
Interesting question that would not have an interesting answer haha.
and hence is going to be replaced by this interesting GIF

Well I've been heading to school as usual being a poly student (still cant believe i made it into poly..and its like what 2nd semester now? haha)
Morning head to school,
 given the end target we need to complete, after that its discussion after discussion,then break where i spazz with my friends and gossip about random stuffs. after that its more discussion and some fooling around before we have to present and listen to our faci give us the lecture for the day....or rather 6P.


Yeah sounds boring but thats life.


My modules this sem are actually very related to my course except for 2 perhaps... i have New Media, Cognitive, Media Writing,Media and Society, Marketing.
Currently im dying in media writing. Long story short it is like a journalism class.


Last week we had to interview people, like really go out into the field, our of campus to go and interview people for our resources. Then today we had to type out an article with it.
One thing i was amazed about writing an article is how there are many segments there are and how its like 10x more worse then doing an average report writing in an essay.
But i like my faci actually. The way she carries the lesson is interesting like how she makes us cut the newspaper everytime and learn from it. How papers are written and what is their angle, lead, etc. etc.
yeah. those may seem like foreign words....that was to me 2 weeks ago.

For cognitive, i unfortunately only been for like 2 lesson because last week i was on MC (I COMPLETELY lost my voice. It was terrible) and the week before was a public holiday.

I like media and society for the fact that we change group every week..we get to work with everyone...though it does have its pros AND cons.

Overall i guess thats it for schoool wise?

OH OH OH  YESS. I after a long hiatus have returned to learn to play the guitar.


haha, well ok i know how to play the guitar but now im learning to play songs on it. I felt stupid for not focusing more on it over the holidays but hey, its a really good way to destress.
Im currently learning how to play 'wherever you are' and 'karasu (crows)' by one ok rock, That XX by g-dragon and more than words by extreme.

But im extremely happy cuz i can play the taste of ink now!! omg the chords were so friggin easy that i felt stupid for not learning to play earlier.

okay i shall end my post here today. Gotta get some sleep to prepare myself tmrw.
One of my friend is gonna go on a super excessive spazz mode cuz of this classmate of mine.
Meh, im actually getting used it.
I shall keep this story for another day.

Gonna go dream of minwoo,eric or tomoya..either one..OR MAYBE ALL THREE MUAHAHAHA

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Life as it is.

Havent been blogging much.
Well basically, my life is currently really stressed and i was on the verge of a mental breakdown
if i hadnt smoked one on monday. I guess sometimes a cigg has its really calms the shit out of you. but on the other hand, i wished i had a warning before i took the ice cool one..its really..cooling rofl.

So school,
well brand new class, some old mates, new modules the usual.  I am kind of glad i have always end up in the less serious and more of a fun kind of class. Seriously, today was really hilarious it made my day.
So this semester's modules are getting more in line with what i am actually studying.
It is exciting yet stressful. Who knew how much effort and thoughts go into one article? Its like having to brainstorm for an art project all over again.
But overall, i have my lamas, i have my mates ker,boon and minq, i have my awesomes that are there for me so school wise everything is fine.

I guess one thing i am not fine is my internal problem.
Family, father's side is a mess. My 'grandfather' passed away and it has caused loads of shit ass problems which i believe should not happen because he already left 'us' for almost 34 years. Also we lost contact with him for over 17 years or so. I totally remember what happened and stuff. yes i was young but still, i understand. that has always been me, understanding without asking.
Just now my mom told me that , 'that side' of the family wanted to give my mom $500 to support my studies. i just went "fuck them". They were never kind to us, they never treated us family so why of all a sudden you want to support me to go university? I'd rather go with my plan of just finishing diploma, find a work and work while studying in uni rather then take their damned offer. Who knows what strings are attached. Yes people may tell but their willing to pay you to study. Well thank you very much but just seriously get out. get out of our life. i never want to owe or do anything with them.
With all this things happening, its really been hard on my parents and that has been coming down to me. I cant control whats happening at "that side" of the family cuz i cant just give them a phone call and shout the shit out of myself and say what i want to say even though i really really want to do that.
So all i can do is take care of their well being and stay grounded myself. but thats been hard to do and it can be seen by my sudden craving of a medium to relief all my thoughts and stress.

My friend today sent me a msg after i wished him a happy birthday.
He told me "Sometimes just ignore the things around you"
i hope i can do that. I really want a break and i pray to god this will be over soon and we all can take a break. My grandma, my uncle, my aunt, my dad and mom they all need a break from everything. So i wish everything will end soon.

Sometimes music is the best remedy. Been listening to block b, epik high, SPYAIR and One Ok Rock these days. especially one ok rock. They are the only things that bring me joy next to shinhwa broadcast rofl.

I guess i will end my rant here and continue to type my article...Bye ^^

(Tomoya of One ok Rock...One sexy beast...lolz...)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


Everyone has their bad days. Some have a bad year. Some gets traumatized by past events that eventually leads to one wanting to take her own life. But trust me when i say death leads you no where. Death will only bring suffering and pain to those whom you thought never love you or cared for you.

Also i have to say this. Cyber bully or just normal cases of bullying must really be stopped. How many scenarios have i seen so far from the people i know that have fallen into the hands of bullying. Seriously just stop. Why do you want to see people die or see their life crumble? Does it make you feel good you bunch fucking sadists. Only when you drive them to the brink of death will you feel guilt. But even then, when you see them die and you dont feel sad, you are not human.
I hope these cases of bullying would stop, it not only damages one's mind but also lead them to death.
Think before you say people. There are many things people go through that you will never understand. Imagine people telling you to die, saying that your worthless, your ugly, why are you alive, your so fast, why dontyou drink this and this and die or even you slut go and die. Try hearing this day in day out, experience it by seeing it on your facebook page, walk into the school to your class and hear people murmur behind your back and then tell me if you can live through it.
Don't think that just cuz your friend is bullying that innocent girl in the corner means you should too.
Bullies, stop looking down on people. You are not good yourself. Having to say others so that you'll feel better. You people are the worst. You should be ashamed of what you have done.

To those who wants to give up the fighting battle between living and dying,
"Dream as if you will live forever, and live as if you die today"

Saturday, September 22, 2012


History.Memories. We all have them.
They maybe be happy or sad but many always tell us that memories can never come back and history will never repeat.

But i realized today that bad memories will always repeat no matter how many times we try to move on and erase it.

Many who knows  me will know how close i am to my parents. They might not know this but i cherish my whole family. My grandmother, my aunt and her family, my uncle and his family though im not close with his family. I cherish every moment with them especially during chinese new year.
Over the past 3 years when we held reunion dinner as a family, i have shut myself in the toilet having tears of joy down my face that is how happy i am.

But now, this had to happen. My childhood nightmare has resurfaced. The other side who broke our family apart once has now entered again.
Honestly, i know i have no reason to have any say in this situation because i am a 'child'. i was one and always will be. I am always excluded from 'family' talks because i am a child. Even then during the darkest period i was 6 and even now when i am 18 and am sensible enough to know what is going on.

My first visit to the hospital to see 'him' was during the last week of august. I was very reluctant to see him because i had so much hatred against the man who crippled the happiness of a simple family. However now i realised that was just my childish thoughts. The memories of my family quraelling was imprinted in my mind and nothing could erase that. So with that in mind i was super reluctant to see him, i told straight in my father's face that i do not have a grandfather. after which i said that he scolded me of course, saying that even though we went through alot, he was still my grandfather. So with a heavy heart and a stressful mind ( because i was in the middle of my final exam) i went to the GH to see him.
Honestly i didn't know what to expect, his face was really vague in my memory because i rarely saw him but once i stepped into the ICU, i broke down. Tears kept falling and i don't know why. I kept thinking why was i crying over a person whom was as good as having no relation with me? Then i realised it was because i felt pitiful for him. He looked so weak and could barely even stay awake. He had tubes all over, and i thought wow, a man who was one so strong and mighty can become weak and bed-ridden the next.
after an emotional evening i left for home. I tried my best to look normal because i hated people to know i cried but i guess my dad saw because he told my mum who then told me.

My next visit there was 3days after and he seemed to be better, he could talk and the tubes and mask was off his face it seemed like my 1st visit never occured. i felt afraid. i was afraid that man would yell at my dad to get out but no. He just stared and my dad and my aunt who accompained us. Listening to what they were saying. It wasnt until the 3rd visit when i realised something. In my 3rd visit, he started asking my dad questions like what did he work as, didnt i have school, what my mom was doing, where we lived etc.
they talked silently with pauses in between as if nothing happened between them before.
Thats when i realised, we may fight, we may disown or yell at each other but at the end of the day, on the brink of death, a family is still a family.

I may have wrote it like that but i probably still won't acknowledge the fact that i have a grandfather. My selfish and angered teenage self will never allow it. Maybe in the future, as i grow up and understand more, maybe then  i will say i had a grandfather who was like this and this.

i must have babbled alot here now. Haha, i think its a bit hard to understand right? but i needed a space to release my anger and cooped up feelings.
There is a reason why i sometimes grow quiet and i wish my friends would understand that.
Sometimes when everything is against you staying quiet and thinking about the situation calmly is the best.

Monday, August 27, 2012

The Irony in life

The irony in life. Just as what my tittle says.
i want to rant out my thoughts but i cant possibily do it on twitter because it might be subjected to be a hinderance to my fellow followers.
at least here, i can rant out in just one post. 
So, a news from my dad just came in about my so called "grandfather". The last time i ever saw him in life was 5 or 6 or maybe when i was 4. i dont remember or maybe because i don't want to. As i grew up, i learnt the word 'hate'. I hated that man.
I hated that man who left my grandmother. I hated that man who eventually had 7 or 8 mistresses in his life. Every time i heard about him, my blood would boil. It was because of him my family never had peace. We get said and our names tarnished. It also caused a ruckus between my dad and his siblings. Not to mention the children or grandchildren he had. I always told myself, who knows, maybe that person in the same class with me with the same surname as me could be my long distant cousin.

When i heard of how his health turned to the worse i thought "oh the irony in life. Its karma" but then again the other half of me felt sad for him. Then just tonight, my uncle messaged my dad regarding this man's health. He seem to be suffering a lot and might not survive till the end of this month. My uncle then said to me along to visit this man.This man i barely knew, this man whos face i barely remember, this man who probably has more than 10 grandchildren. How can he remember me? He has only seen me twice. TWICE for christ sake! But then since my dad asked me to go, i said i will go after my exam. Im not going because i want to see this man whom im supposed to call "grandfather" or rather i'm going because im afraid of my dad. I am afraid he will get rejected and yelled at. So even though my mind is having a whole line thoughts, thoughts flashing in my head of the possible worse-case scenario, i am scared of how things will turn out tommorw when i see that man. 
Just when i thought life was awesome, this had to happen. I cant have my dad have another fall, i cant have him down on his knees again. im just worried for him. very worried. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

long time no post ;)

hey! wow i havent blogged in such a long time.
please pardon my long absence as i have been immersed into the world of tumblr. haha.
Do check out my tumblr its 
yeap :)

Anyways, i just read a blog post from the lead singer of My First Story. Their japanese and yeah their not bad. alternative rock, my type of music, haha, which reminds me i have to change the songs on this blog soon :) im starting to slowly teleport myself out of the kpop world. ok yes i still listen to kpop sometimes but after the one ok rock concert. my thoughts kinda changed and yeah i have been back to listening to rock songs. what is different is that these days i am listening to J-rock ^^

So back to my story of reading his blog. It is all in japanese by the way so i did struggle a bit to understand the kanji but hey! i managed to read it! my time in jap class is not wasted man, im actually learning something! haha. 
So yeah he was writing how he decided to be alone today. He ate alone, listened to songs alone,walked place around alone etc. and he said it was good for a change. he also said how by spending time alone you can find your own weakness and work on it. 

as i read his post i realised how i havent made time for myself at all. i remember during the holidays i took some money and suddenly left my house for town. With earphones plugged in my ear i trudged down orchard looking at people, going to kinno buying random mags, walked around just to see whats happening. and i realised i should do it again soon. i've been so busy lately. School from monday to friday, jap class after school on tuesday night, it is currently exam period too, i just finished my 2nd last paper not to mention i try to please everyone and go out and stuff so i didnt really have time for myself except in the morning. Maybe that is one of the reason why i go to school alone these days. It is the only time i can really be alone.
The feeling of having your earplugs plugged in playing your fave playlist, looking out the window seeing cars past just kind of calm you down and give you a break from the hectic life.

However right now i just want to drink and have a puff. I cant wait till im 18, probably will buy a pack and keep it so i can puff whenever i wanna but i bet you i cant finish it. i dont know but i always wanted to try to smoke and sounds like an awesome feeling. ah well if i cant smoke then just let me drink. i feel like drinking and just staring into the night sky.

okay i will stop this nonsense and just go practice my guitar now :) but i will fuifill my wish of drinking after exam most definately. cant take this constant stressfulness i need a break.

well nights :)

Friday, June 22, 2012

Photo post!

So, i will be doing a picture post today
these are just some pictures i took over the 2 weeks where i didnt post
tired and cranky today so bear with me for no words
but i bet you like a blog with less words right so yeah
let the pictures speak for themselves ;)

                                                              (a small little summary picture)

(taken one day on my way home. that day had a beautiful sunset)

(i made onigiri or in english rice-balls in my jap class ^^)

(le llama unnie bought it for us!! ><)

(a bday cake to our lama A!!)

(le lama gurls)

(aunt came back from france and bought macroons!)

(this is why i keep growing fat. love my aunt and im glad her family and her are all back healthily ^^)

(a school project whereby we had to make a float for a parade and we chose da theme 'a garden city' i think
we did well for this project, hopefully da faci will finally give us an A ><)

with that i shall go to sleep
goodnight everyone :)

Saturday, June 9, 2012

uh hurr another post.

hey whats up!
yup im alive and actually kinda sleepy though i just drank my 3rd cup of coffee for the day.
amazing how i live..


sigh...all my other friends are like
"oh you know my test the other day was hard, i think im gonna screw it"
and im like dang it i havent had mine yet.
others were like
"hey! wanna hang next week? i finally got a break!"
and im like...mine just ended

so yeah that kinda summarizes my current thoughts.
im not ready for school. im not ready for UT.

yup so back on a happy mode.
i had fun on wednesday though i was in a rush again..well it was pretty unplanned.
i was just supposed to pass da present to my friend but my other bunch of friends
were late so i was like okay i shall just hang around then.
then yea, in the end i became late for the meeting with my other friends..
confused? GOTCHA haha..but yeah it was a very busy day.
anyways got to drink and that was all i needed...though i think i need another drink soon

and i feel like going back to the night this picture was taken already…
yup this was what we drank haha...i love the screwdriver. thats what im gonna continue to buy
from now on and its cheaper thn Heineken..

so yeah yesterday was our class gathering .___.
i actually was looking forward to it but then again i actually now regretted going.
everyone was enjoying themselves and i was the only one who was socially awkward there
but thanks to a  few awesome friends of mine who stayed by my side i managed to enjoy myself.
i must say some of my classmates really changed...especially the guys like i know i shouldnt say
anything cuz i'll probably be interrogated if i do so
yeahh...oh yea i was kinda shocked at the amount of smokers i had in my class

i was even more amazed at how they ta-haned in class during sec..i mean over 6hrs and u cant smoke
well done in keeping ur temptations..or did they learn to smoke after graduation?
it bewilders me but i shall say no more.
if not i will slip some thoughts in my mind.
image okay i guess thats about it?
nothing much to write cuz i didnt go through much this week.
im just broading over the fact that i have school next week



im gonna live it my way...and that means snuggling in my bed with a cup of coffee.

see da contrast?


okays then

im just kidding haha



Monday, June 4, 2012

the falling flower- M.I.B

KangNam] Scream At The Top Of Their Lungs
I See The Bright Lights This Is The High Life
We Do It For Everybody Aim For The Stars Just Like A Pilot
All Of Us Flying So Here We Go

[SIMS]I close my eyes and bite down hard
Hold back the tears, just one more, it's okay
Now I have no freedom with this poor heart huh
I lay down the burden that was heavy till now
You left and went too far away
It's A Lie Dear God, did it have to be her?
I can't believe I can only see that bright smile that appeared whenever, wherever, through a picture
My trembling breath and my tightly clenched fists
Life is so hard but why do things so easily come and go?
Do you know my heart? There are so many useless words, just ban all of it
Yes, don't say anything today, blue sky, please hold her

[HOOK] Yeah I Wanna See You Love Again
Nothing is different from yesterday
I can't believe that you are not here when I'm still here
Yeah I wanna See You Love Again
There's nothing different about today
I can't believe that you are not here now -- why you?

[KangNam] Scream At The Top Of Their Lungs
I See The Bright Lights This Is The High Life
We Do It For Everybody Aim For The Stars Just Like A Pilot
All Of Us Flying So Here We Go

[Cream]Why did you leave me here at such a young age, you left in the morning
I remember you -- my heart and head, why did it have to be you?
I don't know, this street without you is strange to me
I still remember your words, actions and face
Yeah, this isn't where I'm supposed to be, your spot is right next to me
Your smile in the picture and the habit of calling you everyday
What else is left? The last text, everything is a familiar trace that you left behind
This flow for you, this isn't it, I'm suffocating, asleep or awake
Just come back to me, I'll be better, two times more, no, however many more times possible

[HOOK] Yeah I Wanna See You Love Again
Nothing is different from yesterday
I can't believe that you are not here when I'm still here
Yeah I wanna See You Love Again
There's nothing different about today
I can't believe that you are not here now -- why you?

[KangNam] Scream At The Top Of Their Lungs
I See The Bright Lights This Is The High Life
We Do It For Everybody Aim For The Stars Just Like A Pilot
All Of Us Flying So Here We Go

[5Zic]White ash in a tomb -- a human turns into dust in a single day
I remember the first greeting I said to you "I missed you"
They are conversations only spoken in dreams
Let's hold hands and go together, there's still so much to show you
My teeth still hurt, what am I trying to hold back?
The scent that came from you numbs my nose
The world is cruel for everyone who lost you
Why did you leave without a word? I ask myself
The number stopped at 26, in two years, I'll be the oppa
It hurts a lot, the opposing wind is blowing, is it you?
I keep relating you to things that don't make sense
It's hard to believe but it's the truth that my exhausted body speaks
Goodbye my dear, put on your wings and fly wherever
Where are the gods? They shouldn't have done this
Don't take away my precious things, give it back to me

Everyday Everywhere Everytime
I'm sorry I couldn't treat you better
The damn day of April 5 that is always filled with regret
Three flowers are planted in the hearts of M.I.B.

(This song was written to their stylist who passed away.
however i just found the lyrics of the song really just reminded me of my grandparents
more closely my grandmother..
i was just thinking about her this morning. how when i started dreaming and having
a strong urge to go to japan in june that year i should have. i should have pestered my mom
more about it. if i knew what would have happened 4months later i would have just went there.
but we cant see the future.
the line "white ash in a tomb- a human turns into dust in a single day" that was something
i thought on the last day of the funeral.
its been almost 3years and i still cant accept the fact that she is gone. i feel that when i call that
number i used to call, she would answer and we would talk. i feel that if i bought a plane
ticket and went there now, she would be there greeting me with a smile. i wish i knew her more
i wish she lived to see me wear a kimono when i was 20. i cant stop myself from tearing when
i think about her and my grandfather. i dont know why i think more about her then my grandfather.
maybe because she visited me in my dreams..maybe. i miss her and my grandfather so much that
i dread when it comes to my birthday cuz they always sent me a card. a nice card with their signs on it.
sometimes a letter came and i couldnt read then. now, when i can read, they are not here.why did god
call them to him so early why? why couldnt they wait till my Os were over. i was supposed to visit
them when it was over but they left before i could. i miss them so much and i still feel sorry
for not being to see them properly before they went.)