Monday, November 29, 2010

-you dont know-

i miss you
i wished you
could see me
and dun let me go

just for one day,a minute,1 seconds.thats it
i wish it would just all stop
so i could just say thosefew words
to ya

how many years has it been
since i first saw you messing with the other kids
you were so different
so carefree
way more matured
then you are now
though you are older than then.yeah.

i wish i had the courage
i wish i had the chance
to say i kinda liked you
and waited for a stand
a verdict,or whatever you call it
sometimes i wonder
if you ever felt the same way as i did

people told me to never rush love
love when rushed
aint real and can be crushed

but i badly wanted to know
badly wanted to be held
badly wanted to feel how loved one can be felt

how does it feel when you hold your hands
how does it feel when your lips meet again
how does it feel when winter crawls through your skin
how does it feel
cuz i'll never know
and i bet i wont so go
i dun feel i wanna be loved anymore

when people say their in love
and wan me to meet their girls,guys,
i feel so sad
i try to shut them all in pairs
how can you even ask me
when i am just here so lonely
i wish you never appear in front of me
vanish just like air and oxygen

i say so much cuz i know i wont be loved
but im still happy for you to find your own true love
as a friend i'll be there for you
i'll cry with you
but my heart locked iced and cold
and it will never be out
of this cage it called home.

stressed much? lolz

i sometimes really wonder why i bother to update..lolz.
seriously nobody cares about other people's life so why blog?
hmm one of the reason is maybe cuz i stopped writing a diary like 2 years ago haha..
i still laugh when i read my entries...lolz..

anyways today nothing much..just a very stressful day.
morning brought my grandmother to see a physiatrist (?)
i duno how to spell..fine just some doctor.again.
seriously i think im gonna be mad dad is worried about my grandma not being able to
sleep and eat, my mom is worried about my dad not being able to sleep, im worried my mom
cant sleep and worried for my dad and grandma for the same reasons..
jeez.i really want a rest.

after seeing the doctor,went to buy lunch then went back to my grandma's house
to wait for my aunt
she wanted to go through some stuffs with me
cuz i have to bring my grandma to another doctor next week..
jeez..i really think theres nothing wrong with my grandma..she
just needs to eat more and sleep more~! but to ease almost my whole family's mind
minus the kids, i was asked to being her to the doctors and i agreed.

my aunt started explaning everything medical history
to the medicines..really i was very tired already.
but i care for my grandma.she was always there for my when i was young
now it is my time to be with her and care for her.
im trying to figure out what to buy for her with my first pay..haha.
not sure what to buy.she has like everything 0.0

gah i just wish i can go out.
im so tired.i wanna go out and have fun
i dun wanna work or anything im stressed as it already is.
though its okay if its an outside job..job with my dad makes me stressed.
he keeps talking to me abt my trying to convince him shes okay!!
cuz well she is! she needs to only eat and sleep more!
going to the doctors is scaring her more then curing her.. (=.=)

just for one day i wanna go out
shop or go to the beach relax
cuz its going to be a rocky 2 months.
next month january another rocky period.
another month to remind myself, time waits for no one.
leaving wif this vid
it made me laugh.haha

Saturday, November 27, 2010

days that are hard.

well im blogging..
though i have nothing much to say
cuz these few days its been kinda ruff
i really just want to get away from it all.
just for one day or two
i want to go to a place away from here
and able to not think of these things.

every since my grandma's health went down
i've been in constant remainder of how it is falling everyday
im the only kid in the house here and in the family
the only kid who understands whats happening
hence all the grown-ups come to me,tell me everything
but i dont want to hear!! i dont want to!!

just a month ago i had to be reminded of death
and soon in a month's time again will i have to be reminded
and i dont want to be. its hard to be understood.
everyday for the past 2 days i had to hide in the toilet or my room still haunts me to today
the look and coldness i felt.
sigh.i wish someone would just call me
and say theres a trip and if u want to go. somewhr my parents would allow me to go
i need a's only 2 days but its been months since i've been sad.

its a pretty depressing post today
but i felt like i needed to write things feel better
and i am feeling better.though i felt better after eating otah just now.

sigh.results cooming up soon eh.depressed again.
i seriously think i didnt do well.

aish well i should go now. nites

Thursday, November 25, 2010

4 years of reflection in one day...

(some picture...lolz~~)
(me spazzing lolz!!)
(with the girls~~)

(wif minq and extra lolz...jk jk)

im finally bloggin about my day yea?
i was too tired to do so... i mean i came home at like 12?
slept at 2am and woke up at 7 am
to go to work with my dad...
i just practically ran around the east area again haha

well lets just say yesterday was a blast :D
cuz it was prom night haha
i met minq at the bus stop
wait for syah and the taxi
lolz..we were super uncomfortable there..waiting..
then we had to climb the overhead bridge to get to the taxi
cuz it refused to stop at the bus lane =.=
it sounds ok
but for me it wasnt..wearing heels,climbing stairs...are u kidding me?
but we did it got into the cab and made our way
to hilton..heh

when we reached there we were so embarrassed..
stayed on the 2nd floor
waited for bryan and lydia to come then we went up
it was kinda cool...
but i felt so weird..i mean i was like the only one wearing red around my area 0.0
after being seated
take pics here and there
haha had a great shock from lydia
but it subsdized then it came back again after a while haha
after 10.30 it was like clubbing time
the lights were turned down,
the floor dance was open and flooded by people
it was like a club haha
i was like standing at the side..
i must say, the song choices were awesome haha

i totally enjoyed myself.
i never really realised but yeah im gonna miss everyone
not only people from my class
but the 2 NA class
in this school im only close with this 2 class im just that anti-social
my best memory was in sec 2G i really wish 2G could have gone up to sec 3
together..but got seperated.
3F was hard to get used to but i guess 4F was fun and exciting
but i guess half the time we were shouting at the teachers and the teachers shouting at us.
but hey we passed that moment
even though i was the class chair for 4F i seriously didnt have to do anything haha
everyone was too co-operative. lolz.
im gonna miss the left side and the back part of the class...the laughs we shared.
i really hope we all can go up to sec 5 together.

im really scared about my results..i have a feeling im getting 19-25 range.
i never did well in mid-year and prelim.
aish i always regret afterwards.furthermore i didnt study many subjects.
but if i dont make to sec 5 i think i'll be happier.
cuz to me,im going to sec 5 for my parents..i dont wanna go cuz i dont think
i can stand another year studying and competing with a new batch of students
who are definitely smarter then me. i think i can completely forget about going
for the aerospace course or even maritime.

well im gonna go now
self-reflection over.haha 4 years of secondary school life passes just like that
i came to this school feeling so depressed.afraid.cuz i did not know anyone at all
it was like starting a new life. but then at the end of the 4 years
i made friends.classmates.and memories that would be hard to erase.
let us all wait for our results now yea? haha

P.S will scan the pics tmrw..lolz.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

nervous? or scared?

(miss their smiles but always keeping the faith)

oh wow
im writing in again
well today nothing much
went to work wif my dad haha
some store owners were like "oh? u on break already?"
others were "back to working wif ur dad?" haha
im surprised store owners remembers me

ohh im so happy..
getting my first hard earned money tmrw :D
but i have to go work with my dad too..
which means morning i'll be working
then after work then go prom.

i duno why but im so nervous for prom? scared that when i go
it'll be boring but then if i dun go
i'll regret..
but i got my things have to go i guess..
im just so scared of wearing a dress out.
so so scared..somemore take taxi
i mean wearing a dress is not a small thing
for a girl who wears jeans, baggy shirts or double wear everywhr.
its a HUGE thing!!
the last time i wore i was 7?
when i became arnd 9 i told myself
i will never wear a dress cuz i dun have the looks for it
and here i am later tonight i am wearing a dress with heels =.=
jeez im gonna be so embarrased~~

well its 12.06am lolz..
i shall study a bit and then turn in..
no im not studying anything related to skool.
no maths,no amaths,no science and no revision.
im studying something outside of skool...
some people should know already haha

well gonna go

Sunday, November 21, 2010

colour change?

haha well today was really nothing
i was too excited about waking up and see my hair colour in the sun
other then that it was pretty boring

went out again to the usual place
hung around at the bookstore
bought another language book and a magazine
since i have started to learn the basic words
i am able to read like 5 words in one sentance..haha!!
i must study more i guess..
as i was outside i asked my mum
hows my hair colour
she was like "oh its purple"
then after a while as i started walking
she was like "oh its brownish gold"
then " oh its red"
then she stopped me and said
" is your hair colour 3D ?" HAHA
i couldnt stop laughing after that..
what does 3D have to do wif this?
yeah so until now i have no clue wud colour my hair is..
let me call it mysterious colour for now lolz..
different lighting literally is different colour

ahh well
ohh its 2 days to prom
how um unexciting
half of me is lking forward to it
my other half is like dreading it
cuz i have to wear a dress,heels and try to act like a girl...
which i must remember...
and im dreading that it may be boring :[
but hope it can be fun

tmrws monday lolz
have like tons of clothes to wash again
then maybe i might to BPP to buy some stuffs
or go my grandma's house to visit her
sigh i went today
and she was happily dyeing her hair haha
she seems well today so im glad..
aish! i just realised i forgot to call her 0.0
i better make it up to her
and call her twice tmrw...
haha i went to her house today
and she gave me my fave peanut soup to eat
uber nice.wish i can make it like her haha

well i gotta go..shall sleep
i feel so sleepy..lolz.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

time to say HIGH!!!

well well
i felt like bloggin so here i am...
well nothing much happened today

morning woke up dad wasnt around
he went to bring my grandma to the clinic
sigh seems like her health is getting to the worse side
i feel so bad not being able to be by her side
i ask her to come stay with us
she kepe say dont wan dont wan
sigh..really..sometimes she is really stubborn for her own good!
so i called her and talked to her
check on her..she seems fine now at least.

after the scare,my dad came home and my parents
dragged me out to buy groceries wif them..
nice weather though~~
sigh had to go BPP which i dun like to go to..
seems like we are buying groceries there from now on
cuz ten mile is closing down =.=

anyways went to buy stuff
got some accessories lolz~~
came home..
i went down again to buy hair dye
cuz i suddenly felt like dyeing since my old dye
kinda dropped~~
i bought the bubble dye :D
i used it before so bought it again
i wanted to buy lip smackers at guardian but i didnt see it around
maybe i missed it somewhr

so came home and started doing my hair..
after i washed i got a shock lolz..
a BIG shock
i tot i was gonna get like red
but i got like brown 0.0
then slowly it turned to gold 0.0
now i take picture it looks black lolz..
pictures arent accurate anways

gonna take sometime to get used to this colour lolz..

well im gonna go
someone inviting me to go play UNO on msn haha!!
buh bye~~

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

tiring but awesome day

haha hey hey hey
im backk~~
yeah today was my last day at work..pathetic rite?
2 days only~~ haha its okay
im really really tired today
i cant say anything about what i did here
but i can say one thing.. through working here and the job before this
i have learnt quite alot.
something i can never learn in skool :D
and hence its fun~~
but i am still tired..

this morning woke up at 7am..
still tired from yesterday haha
went to take LRT then MRT
the MRT was like soooo crammed!!
i was like squished from all four sides!
the front and the back was the most seriously.
then went down wait for uber lonely
saw the other part timer hu was working but in a different section.
we started talking, cuz that person was the only person i knew arnd there haha.
morning work was okay,kinda busy.
then lunch went to eat alone agian
sadist rite?
aftr lunch damn busy didnt have the chance to rest
knocked off at arnd 5.38
and it was raining HARD. ran to the bus..
got dang wet..freezed in the bus
went down ran to change shirt
cuz i couldnt stand the smell that stuck on me..
gave my paper thingy
then headed home...

finally got my bracelet hee~~
kinda like it but the bling flower disturbs me
after prom
im SO removing it...

well im really tired so im gonna sleep
and i think im going out tmrw..i duno
nites people!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

another post to add to the long list of nopes.

yup yup im here to blog again
kinda bored cuz twitter is like totally silent..
nobody is talking
and i dun follow enough people to chat wif them..
i wouldnt mind talking to total strangers
but even total strangers dun follow me
so im practically bored out of my wits.

its almost 10pm~~
and i know i have to sleep
cuz im starting work again
im just so worried i wont be able to reach on time
or the people there are strict, u know not friendly etc..
i really hope they will be patient wif me
or at least maybe give me things i can do
like washing towels for a whole day i can do prob.

the fun thing about it is that
the place is near the japanese skool
haha i can finally see what uniform they wear..
i always wished that instead of going to a normal skool
i went to a japanese skool

but hey i dun regret my parents choosing this path for me
cuz now i can speak 3 languages~~ haha. but can only write in 1 fluently
BUT im gonna self-study japanese first
wif my mom as my teacher (>.<)
im not ashamed that im gonna do workbooks which are done by kids who are 6 in japan
cuz learning from basic..just like anyone out there.
i hope i can cope..i mean the words are similar to chinese 0.0

well just now my friend asked me to go for a trip to america with her
aish it was such a good chance!! a golden opportunity!!
but alas.. i said no cuz my parents especially my dad
would only give me a bleeding ear.
in short.
i wish they were more open minded about these stuffs..
then i can have fun in the place i always wanted to go
ever since i was kid!! i mean i liked america alot when i was younger
though now i appreciate asia more lolz..
but maybe i would rather go to japan then america
but still america is still the place i always wanted to go
so sigh its kinda depressing still thinking about it~~

well anyways im gonna go.
have to sleep cuz
hey! tmrw's work..lolz..


Saturday, November 13, 2010

a very tiring day.

(my shoes...lks grand but got it for a cheap price)

(my cat shirt :D)

well today is a day out for me
to find stuffs for...sigh.prom.
it was a really totally last minute job.
just last week i was doing nothing thinking nothing
then BOOM! one sms and i am going...
i scare later i go,no seat 0.0
cuz i dun remember if i said i was going or not
though i did pass up my edusave form just this week on weds lolz

so i went to hunt for a dress today.
yes.a dress. u did not read wrongly. i planned on going wearing my suit
which i wanted to ask from japan..but my mum just beat my head.lolz.
so she kinda dragged me to metro..
found a nice dress. i liked the navy blue one..
but of course had to take in my mother's consideration i took red..
so blazer red,dress red,everything's red.. lolz..gonna be as if im attending
chinese new year..ah well..
i cant believe i was size 2!! but i bought size 3 cuz well...i hate fitting stuff..

after that i went to OG to buy
kinda stupid...bag i dun care..just grab something.
then after that i went to bugis to get my cat shirt!!
i cant believe they still sold it!!
haha yea i went through the place i hate most
to get it.. kinda tired..

i feel so bad for letting my parents buy all these stuffs for me..
just for a stupid prom..i feel damn bad..
i think after i get my 2nd pay i'll buy them something..
cuz i feel so bad.and i duno how to thank them...

maybe after work on mon i shall go buy the other stuffs...
well im hungry now so gonna make dinner~~
rice,natto,kimchi and cucumber.
yea im lazy...haha


Thursday, November 4, 2010


(the awesome skies)
(lolz..i have no idea what this is)
(tea..during tea break on the last day of work..lolz.)

(nobody at all)
(its very peaceful)
wow been so long eh since i wrote lolz..
i have been very tired these few days.
yeah i started work.
i wake up when people are still sleeping and get back home when dinner's ready.lolz.
so this has been my life..

morning,wake up at 5.30, get ready for everything
6.10 out the door for work, 6.45 wait for bus, 7.45 reach work.
lolz.. like normal working hours..8am - 4pm
since i have finished that job(yea it was only 3days =.= part time wud~~)
i shall say what it was...
i worked at tuas for 3 days.
but it was just awesome! i loved the experience...
haha weird right? it wasnt hard at all compared to my dad's job
i felt 3 days was too short
but im happy in a way that i dun have to wake up early anymore...

now im finding a new job to last till this month.
in december im gonna do something work.
maybe i'll go find at clarke quay..that 2nd hand bookstore is tempting me...

well for this job the experience was really awesome
i got to do things that were surprising
and the view there is just awesome
its like another world there... totally empty compared to where we live daily
i really dont mind working there...only the time a bit tight.

well im very tired today
and i have to find a job quick soo
haha,busy busy busy!! or trying to be~~
well nites then!!