GOODBYE~~ 2010,HELLO 2011~~

hey!

well im blogging..

why? i always do this on the last day of the year

so i must do it this year too..

well before i go on

let me write some reflection of what i did this year.

what i accomplished, what i felt sad about.

1.the starting of the year was a very rocky start, not even a few days

after the year turned, i lost someone close to my heart already.

i was pretty depressed about it. i still remember clearly

school just started, it was after skool i was happily laughing going home

when i received an sms...its pretty cruel. knowing someone passed away via sms

but i guess if she called me i wouldve just broke down infront of everyone and i didnt

want that. that was just plain harsh. i had just recovered from my other sad state

not 2 months back and just like that i was on the plane to japan for abt 1 week.

yes yes i said i had swine flu..that cuz i did not want anyone to know i went to japan.

for the next 3 months, just by hearing the word japan i would tear.

now at night i still think about them, during those stressful times i also thought of them.

however im better now and i guess at times i forgot my pain cuz the people in class

made me laugh :] by the time i returned to skool, i cried so much that i had no more

tears to cry.

2.the next most impacting thing was most probably my coursework...

i think i almost died doing it. i really put my heart into it but i got four for it *tch*

i guess its not pretty for others. but to me, its gorgeous..i like it.

i might even think of taking it back home..hey, i paid for that bloody canvas

its my property anyways. if people think it sucks then i might as well put it at home.

i love it. it has my sweat and blood in it. blood literally.

i remember i stayed in skool until 8..

haha i really slacked alot.

then during june holidays, i would do and do and do, paint and paint and paint

that corner of that art room became 2nd house. like literally.

haha.so yea. not taking art every again.

3.of course i have to talk about N levels right? haha. well it was a stressful period

but i dont remember studying. isnt it weird?

i remember i didnt study for my SS and history, i was practically panicking

that day cuz nothing could go in! however i managed to do the paper.

the 'intensive' period was more like slacking period and i loved maths lessons

for the first time. why? cuz maths was so easy! haha. i almost killed myself

doing amaths, i slept during english..come on honestly..it was boring!

for chinese? hmm i was half awake the class was pretty noisy

and i never learnt anything. hence i got a shock when i got three for it.

and merit for oral..yayz!

well i think i really paid attention in class for SS and history cuz it paid off,

i didnt study like a maniac like others but i still clinched a two..happy wif it.

i thought i would get a five or four =.=

english, super surprised, i thought cambridge was strict?

combined science..was kinda sad. i guess they moderated that paper right?

sigh chemistry...i feel so bad for my chem teacher..i remember one weekend

i went there asked all the questions in one go. i managed to do my paper!!

but then this marks =.=" super disappointed wif it.

so yeah in total my N level results was super shocking...for the first time in my life

i was proud of myself. who cares about those awards u get at CC or in skool.

i got friggin good points! and im proud of myself.im happy i did my parents proud too.

especially my dad..now he can go around showing off my results haha..even though its 'N'

im not those 'born then smart' kinda kid so yea.

3.i guess the last hightlight of the year was the JYJ showcase..now this was a real miracle.

me and ker experienced a miracle for the first time in our life.

we wanted JYJ to come and they came. we were excited. but when we saw the prices

for the tickets, our face fell, we could afford the cheapest one, however the ticket selling

was during our N levels so,yeah, we cant possibly ditch our national exam for a ticket.

so we were really sad. after the exam we heard it was still selling but it was DAMN ex.

we can certainly NOT afford it. so we were on the verge of giving up. but really did

not want to, cuz this was 3 guys from our fave group! so we tried radio station but failed

then finally i came across twitter selling ticks and tried it.

AND WE GOT IT! man we were so excited. we went and we had the time of our lives.

when we reached there, we totally felt under-dressed la.haha.everyone wore so nice nice.

we wore as if we were going bugis or something haha.ANYWAYS....

i still remember...haha i bet ker still remembers too. man we were so elated about it.

even after the showcase was over we were still shaking. i mean we just saw 3 of our idols~!!

haha yeah i still remember ker saw the video of yoochun and say he look like her mum

haha.must go her house one day see yoochun then haha..~~

well i guess thats about it, for the holidays i spent my days working.it was good experience

and i had a really good rest.

now this is really gonna be a long post so bear with me. cuz its the last post of the year

and well there was alot of 'Happening' things haha.

now my next year resolution i guess? or maybe not resolution

but things i want to do and stuff..wait..thats a resolution..ahh well.

1.be more like a girl.every year this resolution comes first.yet i can never

accomplish it.heh.

2.be able to see dbsk as 5? hopefully..hopefully 2011 they can be together

or at the least, let the courtcase be over peacefully and not let cassies or the boys

shed anymore tears.

3.'O' levels...i have to someting about this major exam i guess..haha..cant slack

like i did for N...must put my heart.mind.soul. wait,that sounds familiar...

4.hmm i think i have nothing else..not be depressed?

2010 was a rather depressing year for me so yea i hope 2011 will go well.

5.oh yeah GET RID OF ART! this i can accomplish..im so not taking art

next year..

6.hmm maybe get a bike like finally, and cycle.

7. oh yea after exam, im so dying my hair light brown.my parents already gave me

the green sign anyways..their kinda sad im dying back my hair black. i am too

so when i go back skool, i'll have jet black hair...kekeke. artificial black.

i wonder how i look like in black hair? i completely forgot.

8.of course after Os, i wanna go sentosa!! like really go!!!

so yeap.thats my resolution i guess..nothing much cuz i know some cant be accomplished

so yea.

hmm ok then im gonna go

tmrw is 1st of 2011, and i wish u all a blessed year ahead.

we are turning 17 next year and are really gonna be the senior of the senior

of our skool :D

dying my hair to black on sunday :[ so if on tuesday i look weird, its ok haha.

some people say its REALLY obvious,some say its not.

gah hu cares. im just gonna dye black.lolz.

well then, goodbye :D

and goodbye to 2010~~

my daily photo compilation part 2

my midnight snack~~

the IR from a driver's p.o.v of course im not driving pshft

my christmas present to my mum..she was WAY too overjoyed for her age

i saw super junior in sheng shiong!!! well not literally but here's proof :D

i like the colour but not the drink..haha

blue cocktail~~

my christmas dinner :D

this bottle is made up of glass!! it was nice to drink frm it

heh cant find it in singapore nowadays

beautiful chocolate rite?!? i have like BIG BIG box of them stuffed in the fridge

watermelon..lolz..

compilation of daily photos part 1

ok so

these are the pictures i wanted to post on twitter

however my laptop crashed

and my parents kept using the other 2

so the pics kept delaying..and delayed.

this is why i want a blackberry or android phone!!

next year next year...then i wont need da com heh.

so ya today theres gonna be a few photos of this

cuz i need to delete for more space heh~~

so yeah!

here it is my photo blog..

its really not taken well but heh, it brightens up my blog.

(i had to drink this yesterday..gosh it was so awful..i hate having stomach pain)

ohh tang yuan i made :D)

(the tang yuan before its cooked)

(lolz..the pink dough)

(my christmas present!)

(someone turn away..smart..kekeke)

yogi bear slurpee!! and someone's leg meh~~)

(like so quiet right? haha)

(taken while driving on the road lolz..well of course i wasnt the one driving pft)

A christmas rush

hey !

im here to blog haha

so rare..again

well today morning woke up groggily

did my house chores as usual.

then i started finding people to go out.

i wanted clothes...so i called people..

in the end i went to meet my old pri skool friend.

we went to IMM...looked around

and well i got contacts..

i got it, but then i put it till so hard...dun wan put liao =..=

so i guess im gonna leave it till expire..

cuz i mean my mom dosent even know i bought it la.

and i think after i try so many times that lens either scratch

or very dirty even though i washed it so many times.

well i always said i wanted to try it.

so now i try le, im satisfied..not touching it ever again.

thought i wanted to see how it look like when wear la..

haha.

after that went to get my assement books,

i asked my friend recommand..no bad :D

she took her Os this year so at least can help me choose assement.

come to think of it i have to start tution soon..sigh.sian.

i just hope for less then 19 points next year lolz.

then at least all fail can go higher nitec..loolz!

anyways. so this has been my day..

now my eye feels dry so imma go put eye drops..

hAHA

oh ya i bought my parents christmas presents

people were like staring at me wud i was carrying la!

haha

WELL ITS CHRISTMAS EVE...SO PARTAY TIME~~

hee having christmas dinner tmrw

and my grandma's coming over

im so happy :D

hee~~ go out buy groceries first though

maybe i'll help my mom tmrw..haha!!

well ok then

shall write again soon..

bye~~

and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

results.day.shock.

hey~!

well i got my marks back...

zomg la, when receiving i was like so nervous

ok la i was really shocked when i got the paper la..

like damn BIG BIG shock..i didnt know what to feel

happy or sad or something..i was like all feelings bunched up together

seriously... i mean i really really didnt expect the marks i got

i dun even think i deserve it...

lolz..it was weird how i worried many people...my parents, my grandmother,

my grandmother was the person next to my dad who was so worried for me

she even tell my dad not to scold me..i just love her too much

when i told her my marks she was so happy..haha

well when i got my results, i called my dad cuz i couldnt reach my mum

wah that really pissed me off..i wanted to tell my mum cannot.. i got pissed.

but when i managed to reach her, i couldnt help but cry..

she told me, that she prayed to my grandparents in the morning

even though they are not alive, they are watching from above.

just like that, i couldnt stop my tears from flowing and just ran to the toilet

i think i looked like a fool running like that..damn pai seh sia

especially in front of the guys...

but i couldnt let anyone see me cry..i hate that..

soo hmm i kinda like passed everything so its okay...

most proud of my maths and english...

most disappointed in my science and art! so sad la my art

never gonna do it!!

my chinese oral..heh heh merit seh~~

after the result wait for lydia they all finish take pic then

go off..then my friend call me

she was very sad, so i told her to meet up

and hence went to meet up with her

she seems okay when i met her

and she joked with me..lolz

so i guess that was okay.

i hope she will stay strong in whatever decision she make

and whatever she does, i'll always support her.

so i guess this has been my day.

my life in secondary preparing for N has come to an end

and next year i guess im studying for O?

well another year of hell..thats all i can think

to those who may not have gotten the marks you want,

dont think like that. this is just an exam

i told myself before as well, that this was the end,

but come to think, this was not. even i got the marks i tot i would

i would have just cried and moved on.

move on to become a better person.

so dont ever think of giving up. even if i didnt do well

i would think this..

im not being snobbish or anything.

im saying, dont ever give up, have just a really really little faith

and you can make it..

and always smile.

smile and u will be fine.

sometimes, the future is made out for us, we just dont know what.

and how it works.

well, im gonna go

yes im happy. or rather im glad.

im glad i didnt have to disappoint my father once again

and i could now happily tell my grandparents up there

i did well, and im smiling now. and thank you for watching over me.

i miss you 2 so much. one day im gonna go to japan

and pay my respects personally, in front of you 2.

and thank you.

sigh.ok then, im really gonna go..lolz..picture spazz tmrw :D

nites~

PICTURE SPAM~~ hee

hey~!

well im gonna do a picture post

since im lazy and kinda depressed to do a proper one..

its pictures i take everday..very normal stuff..lolz..

(my current table filled wif com. 1 for music,1 for surfing da net lolz.)

(my snack and DVD i enjoyed on friday..took me only 1 day to watch finish :D)

(my mickey cup :DDD)

(oh yea...JYJ on a jap mag..kinda not inverted..lolz)

(how hard it rained..when was this? this was when i was mobbed by killer people.)

(SLURPEEEEEE~~~)

(a very nice sunday)

(i have no idea what this is)

(fruit juice..or veggie juice? its delicious :D)

(someone just dosent like SJ...)

well gonna end my EPIC picture scam here

maybe i will continue when my phone is in a good condition like this..hehe

till then..ta-ta

oh yea tmrw is result day..

dun wanna think abt it

but i guess i will be crying...very badly

cuz i know i did, kinda no no ..quite badly...

sigh...well how the future wants me to go,i shall go.

i just wish i can go up next year and make my dad proud for once.

i dont want to disappoint him again..that face, the way he did not talk to me

when i got my PSLE results, but after that smile to me, and tell me to try harder.

i dun wan that to happen again..i told him

if i cant make it into sec 5, i dun wanna retain.i'll just go to the other skool.

he just said..sure. know what you are doing. however i really really

want to make it this time.

i should have thought about this when i was doing my papers.

now its marked, graded, sent back, calculated, i cant change anything.

past is a haze,leaving the future in the unknown.

well im gonna go before i get depressed again just by thinking..

nites!

almost christmas soon..CHRISTMAS SPECIAL :D

hey well nothing to post

and i can see my tagboard is being spammed by stuffs

but oh well, my blog's seems so dead.

i wanted to do photo post

but it seems that my phone dosent want to agree wif me..

soo,, i shall do a christmas special

like i do every year :D

but this year, it includes different languages..haha

yea cuz im kinda into korean music now cuz english music really aint grabbing my attention..

OKAY~~~

SO OF COURSE WHEN WE SAY CHRISTMAS I HAVE TO ADD THIS SONG

nice? heh, next of course my other fav band....MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

yes..it may seem that its the same as last year~~ however.....NEXT~~!! OF COURSE i wont forget my current fav boyband TVXQ :D

ok the next one is again from korean groups..my fav DBSK and the other group is super junior

i bet all super junior or dbsk fans would have come across this vid..i like it live but it wasnt clear

Sadly for the next vid i cant find the full song for you guys but i think it was cute :D

well the last vid for my christmas special would be...... TRAIN :D SHAKE UP CHRISTMAS

i was watching MTV and saw this vid...and well its different from the other vids so of course i would post it up here~~

WELL~~ hope these songs would get you all in a festive mood somehow

i'll be posting more to come...cuz hey!! CHRISTMAS IS COMING SOON

so take out yo wish list and think of what u wanna get.

however remember CHRISTMAS is a season of GIVNG from all you heart

and not receiving. giving a gift is what counts. it might make your day as well :D

well i shall go off now...gonna be bored again haha~~

byez!

memories just keep flooding

hey~~!!
haha

im enjoying myself cuz this online radio station is playing

DBSK songs for abt an hour now..haha

so awesome!!

now its doing love in the ice...

when i hear this song i cant help but remember some stuffs..

when i lost my grandfather, i remember hearing this song

on the airplane to japan cuz it was the only song i liked from the whole

list of mirotic album..now i like all the songs though haha

i listened to this song like a 100 times..

until i landed there and had to hand back my headphones.i cant help but

think about those days at times.

i miss my cousin there.hes so cute. i think cuz i dun have any boy cousins here..

but we were really close while i was there..haha.

oh and there was that dog...haha..kept barking and barking..

and when i rub its belly it squirms arnd..hee..cute one.

then my older cousins..

its kinda sad how now after my grandparents passed away

contact with them also moved away.

my mom dosent want to go back thr..

she say go japan also is to go hokkaido etc.

so if i want to go arnd there,i guess i have to save money

and go myself..

oh man seriously.

all i wish for christmas is a ticket...single the best, to go to japan.

i wanna go there alone.it'll be peaceful,and i'll have time to slowly look

at my other half country.

people might think i go there every year cuz im a half.

but their wrong.in my whole life,

the trip i remember going to japan is only 3 times.

i only saw my grandparents there twice.

this morning

i found a christmas card,they sent every year.

and one line just made me cry so badly.

it wrote "come to japan to visit when you are older"

i remember when i was 12 when i went there

they told my parents to send me to japan alone and to stay

there a while. i wish they did.

i really did.so that i could seen them face to face more.

their smiles more.

10 years time...

10 years time,i hope i'll be working and have enough money to go there.

to explore my other half's culture.

well shall go off now

dbsk is playing so happy thoughts should come now..

but then im still crying..sigh.

i wish i could meet my grandparents again.though it wont be possible..sigh.

well

hmm their playing dangerous minds by dbsk

haha

nice song :D i wanna meet them too.

the only boyband i ever kinda be very very into...haha...

but impossible to meet them...

im not senseless ok,i have brains.

haha

well i shall go now..go sleep

before they find out i am crying.

i hate people seeing me when im in my weakest...

nites!

lifes like that.unfair.unplanned.undistinguishable.

hey
well its well past 1am now and im blogging
these 2 days have been fun i guess haha
hanging out,and catching a movie.

just suddenly
i got the feeling of picking up my pen
and start writing again.
i still have my first piece of lyrics i wrote
stored deep within my file.
so long ago i started writing
i never showed it to anyone cuz i know it sounds crap...
haha sigh
my dream since so young to be in a band were crushed
to be a dancer was also crushed
yet i still find myself writing when im down
at times like this i wish i had a sibling
who i can share my music with
music has always been my life
my everything i can never pursue it
but i still love it.
i always envied those who get to perform on stage
cuz they could actually pursue their dream
but strip of their tittles,their looks
they are normal people like us with talents.
oh what i'd do to have talents.
i remember watching a music video of simple plan when i was 11
and went thats what i want to do.
i told myself when im 16 or 17 i'll be making music
but now 16,im nothing.
no talent.not good in anything.sucks at studying.sucks at maths.
being looked down,always alone,left alone.
my life seems different from what i imagined i guessed.
in short..most likely a failure.
i dont know how my life will continue from now on.
2 weeks from now it will be fixed.and i bet
i'll be the most biggest failure in the family.
think postive? HA. try to think positive when u are always a loner.
always alone in this small room.
always alone when nothings there to for you
always alone cuz u cant talk to anyone about stuffs cuz u feel so uncomfortable.

i think im half drunk lolz
typing this in the early morning.
i havent slept much these days,haha,reminiscing i guess.
5 years down the road,what would i be doing?
but i guess its nothing fabulous
cuz i was never lucky to start with.
i was always the last in everything
always alone everywhere
and i never felt close to anything before.
i felt lost
and i felt pain
so many worse things can happen in the next few years.

aish i think im really drunk
either that or im absent-mindly writing this
most probably when i look back at this post i'll think
what am i writing but yet im just lazy to delete.
well shall go sleep now.
just wanted to vent out my thoughts.

nites or rather good morning.

an"almost fell up the escalator thanks to a fanmeet" account

hey
back here today lolz..

wah super pissed sia!!
yea i said this like on twitter and on facebook and now on my blog.
well lets just say im damn pissd and that
im writing details here..
jeez if it was one of the gods of the rising east i wouldnt mind
but it wasnt so...yea
its not any fan account
i think its more like "almost being squashed" account

so as usual, today was work had to go to tampines
i badly wanted to send town area cuz i wanted to see someone..lolz
but ok now that i almost saw one..i wish i didnt.
so i went to tampines mall.raining damn bad
rushed arnd cuz well i was really in rush
i wanted the job done before it rained harder
delivery is very hard in the rain.and i seriously hope
people understands that. how do u get ur stuffs from ur fav store huh?
how do people transport ur fav food to the places from the warehouse?
delivery right? so appreciate these people.
they do things to make life easier.

so i sent the stuffs to the shops on the 2nd floor and i wanted to finish the whole mall, but when i went down it was crowded lie zomg
so i no choice went to another mall first.(theres like 3 malls in tampines.stuck together)
came back,the crowd was still there..i at first tot it was some sales
then as i walked nearer people were holding cameras.
i was like wth..of all times now then come...i was damn pissed off..
i mean IM RUSHING!!HELLO!! then so no choice i squeezed
cuz i debated to take the lift..but lift also i didnt whr it was at.
and i didnt want to waste time lking for it.
so as i squeezed,people screamed in my ear.like HELLO!!
SCREAM ALSO HE/THEM WONT KNOW ITS YOU!! scream somewhere like open and not at an enclosed place
like at concerts?showcases? scream all u want.but at a civilised place
like a mall? where people dun care dun scream.
i tried to overtake some people but then this aunty was like
"hello? i also trying to go down right?"
then im like " yeah look im doing a delivery and really need to get down im really sorry"
but the aunty didnt buge and was like " i also trying to go down"
i was like shit la.
then i overheard the host say something abt stampede and so move back
i almost yelled " dont move back move front!!"
cuz seriously i almost fell up the escalator..
lolz..up yeah..cuz the escalator was coming up instead of down..
if i fell down the escalator i wouldnt mind
cuz at least i reached my destination.
and also will reach faster then that aunty..hmph.
i should have whacked her curry puff..so cram already still eat!
so finally i reached the escalator wah i dun care la
i just like practically ran down.and went saying "im really really sorry excuse me excuse me..so damn sorry"
ran to the shop..the shop owner i guess saw me like so tired.
and i was wearing a jacket.she was like "is it raining?"
i replied "yeah raining of fans.." then i asked her whos coming cuz i almost
died up there she was like some famous korean star..
and i thought...korean star at tampines? hmph.
then another store owner came and helped me sign and stuff
say" even if not famous also alot of people wan la"
that totally made my day haha
finally over i went back to the van
and practically slammed the door..damn pissed.
as we drove past tampines mall
like wah lau outside also people..there were people holding umbrellas and waiting 0.0
i was like oh..so still haven come
but i overheard some people say "i only took his head"
so i guess those people were mistaken.

i saw like fan boards but was written in korean..
i thought nice how sweet.i cant read korean except for dong bang shin ki.
after a while once i started to calm down i started to think
who it was..i mean..a korean star at tampines is rare.
then i rmbr it was the face shop.then i rmbr people said
the face shop change people..the face of the face shop changed to kim hyun joong
then it all clicked.yes it was kim hyun joong at tampines.
sheesh.as i drove it was raining badly..
haha if he still wasnt there at tampines, his fans were going to have to wait for a long time.
wah but i was super pissed la..is he so famous?
i only know him cuz hes jaejoong's friend.never really interested.
but hmm it was a damn tiring experience.it taught me never to go for fanmeet
i think i wont even dare to go see gu yong ha la.

other then this incident i had fun going to changi airport for delivery
and i also got praised for being good..im a girl yet help my dad during holidays every year..what can i say? haha i love this job..ok sometimes i hate it..like today.
i think i've been delivering for a very long time i mean the first time i went
to work wif my dad was P3 cuz he couldnt leave me alone at home.
started sending glasses when i was 12 so..thats quite long...
haha
yesterday i even got to work at the office..and earned money!
so impromtu!! just for one day but it was fun
unpacking and checking haha...the people there knows me too.
at stores im that tall guy's daughter..haha.

well i guess thats all for today.
other then almost falling up,i guess it was kinda fun
to be angry at times..i rarely get that angry
but next time when im working
and i ever get into this kind of situation
which i dun think i ever will..
i might um accidentally.eh hem. punch someone..and i apologize.
my dad was like asking me..u never stay and see arh
i told him.im not interested in korean stars except for DBSK.
i just listen to their songs cuz english songs are getting boring.
ok then i wrote TOOOO much shall go watch TV now haha
byes!

I.party.

hey!

well today was a tiring and surprising day haha

i woke up as usual

thinking im gonna be working with my dad

delivering the west side.

but then when i reached the office to collect the goods

it seemed like some were on MC and leave

and hence they needed people last minute

and asked me to help.hence i did.

haha.i mean $7 per hour

its like $2 more then my last 2 jobs!!

gladly accepted it

and i also was interested in it too

plus there wasnt much to deliver today...

well work just consisted of taking out goods,sorting them,past and label,

check if the goods is in its casing,scan,then sort out again.,.thats it..

the whole day,i finished like 2 cartons of them hee..

i kinda felt bad for leaving with half of the box done for box 3....

by the end of the job, i got $42!! like wah

i damn shock la!!

went home happily...haha

took a mrt from redhill got crushed by the people..

like no place to hold..i kinda at times thank myself

for being good in balancing. i had JYJ be my girl remix blasting in my ears haha

i cant get it out my head since the flash mob vid..i did it at home >.<>

i reached lot1 and decided to buy a book. i was debating between

book,itouch cover and polo tees..i

i really needed polo tees, but i bought a book instead.

queued for a very long time...like 15 to 20 minutes?

why people buy skool books at that time?!?! buy during weekends la..

kinda got angry there..

was debating to buy polo tees,but i got too lazy and just walked through the whole mall

to the bus stop..

im thinking of going out on friday haha~~

well im gonna go now

lolz..sleep mayb? kinda tired...tmrw have to wake up at 7.45. :F

nites!!

-you dont know-

i miss you

i wished you

could see me

and dun let me go

just for one day,a minute,1 seconds.thats it

i wish it would just all stop

so i could just say thosefew words

to ya

how many years has it been

since i first saw you messing with the other kids

you were so different

so carefree

way more matured

then you are now

though you are older than then.yeah.

i wish i had the courage

i wish i had the chance

to say i kinda liked you

and waited for a stand

a verdict,or whatever you call it

sometimes i wonder

if you ever felt the same way as i did

people told me to never rush love

love when rushed

aint real and can be crushed

but i badly wanted to know

badly wanted to be held

badly wanted to feel how loved one can be felt

how does it feel when you hold your hands

how does it feel when your lips meet again

how does it feel when winter crawls through your skin

how does it feel

cuz i'll never know

and i bet i wont so go

i dun feel i wanna be loved anymore

when people say their in love

and wan me to meet their girls,guys,

i feel so sad

i try to shut them all in pairs

how can you even ask me

when i am just here so lonely

i wish you never appear in front of me

vanish just like air and oxygen

i say so much cuz i know i wont be loved

but im still happy for you to find your own true love

as a friend i'll be there for you

i'll cry with you

but my heart locked iced and cold

and it will never be out

of this cage it called home.

stressed much? lolz

hmmm

i sometimes really wonder why i bother to update..lolz.

seriously nobody cares about other people's life so why blog?

hmm one of the reason is maybe cuz i stopped writing a diary like 2 years ago haha..

i still laugh when i read my entries...lolz..

anyways today nothing much..just a very stressful day.

morning brought my grandmother to see a physiatrist (?)

i duno how to spell..fine just some doctor.again.

seriously i think im gonna be mad soon..my dad is worried about my grandma not being able to

sleep and eat, my mom is worried about my dad not being able to sleep, im worried my mom

cant sleep and worried for my dad and grandma for the same reasons..

jeez.i really want a rest.

after seeing the doctor,went to buy lunch then went back to my grandma's house

to wait for my aunt

she wanted to go through some stuffs with me

cuz i have to bring my grandma to another doctor next week..

jeez..i really think theres nothing wrong with my grandma..she

just needs to eat more and sleep more~! but to ease almost my whole family's mind

minus the kids, i was asked to being her to the doctors and i agreed.

my aunt started explaning everything medical history

to the medicines..really i was very tired already.

but i care for my grandma.she was always there for my when i was young

now it is my time to be with her and care for her.

im trying to figure out what to buy for her with my first pay..haha.

not sure what to buy.she has like everything 0.0

gah i just wish i can go out.

im so tired.i wanna go out and have fun

i dun wanna work or anything im stressed as it already is.

though its okay if its an outside job..job with my dad makes me stressed.

he keeps talking to me abt my grandma..im trying to convince him shes okay!!

cuz well she is! she needs to only eat and sleep more!

going to the doctors is scaring her more then curing her.. (=.=)

just for one day i wanna go out

shop or go to the beach relax

cuz its going to be a rocky 2 months.

next month january another rocky period.

another month to remind myself, time waits for no one.

leaving wif this vid

it made me laugh.haha

nites!

days that are hard.

hey~

well im blogging..

though i have nothing much to say

cuz these few days its been kinda ruff

i really just want to get away from it all.

just for one day or two

i want to go to a place away from here

and able to not think of these things.

every since my grandma's health went down

i've been in constant remainder of how it is falling everyday

im the only kid in the house here and in the family

the only kid who understands whats happening

hence all the grown-ups come to me,tell me everything

but i dont want to hear!! i dont want to!!

just a month ago i had to be reminded of death

and soon in a month's time again will i have to be reminded

and i dont want to be. its hard to be understood.

everyday for the past 2 days i had to hide in the toilet or my room

shivering...thinking...it still haunts me to today

the look and coldness i felt.

sigh.i wish someone would just call me

and say theres a trip and if u want to go. somewhr my parents would allow me to go

i need a break.it's only 2 days but its been months since i've been sad.

its a pretty depressing post today

but i felt like i needed to write things out.to feel better

and i am feeling better.though i felt better after eating otah just now.

sigh.results cooming up soon eh.depressed again.

i seriously think i didnt do well.

aish well i should go now. nites

4 years of reflection in one day...

(some picture...lolz~~)

(me spazzing lolz!!)

(with the girls~~)

(wif minq and extra lolz...jk jk)

haha

im finally bloggin about my day yea?

i was too tired to do so... i mean i came home at like 12?

slept at 2am and woke up at 7 am

to go to work with my dad...

i just practically ran around the east area again haha

well lets just say yesterday was a blast :D

cuz it was prom night haha

i met minq at the bus stop

wait for syah and the taxi

lolz..we were super uncomfortable there..waiting..

then we had to climb the overhead bridge to get to the taxi

cuz it refused to stop at the bus lane =.=

it sounds ok

but for me it wasnt..wearing heels,climbing stairs...are u kidding me?

but we did it got into the cab and made our way

to hilton..heh

when we reached there we were so embarrassed..

stayed on the 2nd floor

waited for bryan and lydia to come then we went up

it was kinda cool...

but i felt so weird..i mean i was like the only one wearing red around my area 0.0

after being seated

take pics here and there

haha had a great shock from lydia

but it subsdized then it came back again after a while haha

after 10.30 it was like clubbing time

the lights were turned down,

the floor dance was open and flooded by people

it was like a club haha

i was like standing at the side..

i must say, the song choices were awesome haha

i totally enjoyed myself.

i never really realised but yeah im gonna miss everyone

not only people from my class

but the 2 NA class

in this school im only close with this 2 class im just that anti-social

my best memory was in sec 2G i really wish 2G could have gone up to sec 3

together..but got seperated.

3F was hard to get used to but i guess 4F was fun and exciting

but i guess half the time we were shouting at the teachers and the teachers shouting at us.

but hey we passed that moment

even though i was the class chair for 4F i seriously didnt have to do anything haha

everyone was too co-operative. lolz.

im gonna miss the left side and the back part of the class...the laughs we shared.

i really hope we all can go up to sec 5 together.

im really scared about my results..i have a feeling im getting 19-25 range.

i never did well in mid-year and prelim.

aish i always regret afterwards.furthermore i didnt study many subjects.

but if i dont make to sec 5 i think i'll be happier.

cuz to me,im going to sec 5 for my parents..i dont wanna go cuz i dont think

i can stand another year studying and competing with a new batch of students

who are definitely smarter then me. i think i can completely forget about going

for the aerospace course or even maritime.

well im gonna go now

self-reflection over.haha 4 years of secondary school life passes just like that

i came to this school feeling so depressed.afraid.cuz i did not know anyone at all

it was like starting a new life. but then at the end of the 4 years

i made friends.classmates.and memories that would be hard to erase.

let us all wait for our results now yea? haha

byez~~

P.S will scan the pics tmrw..lolz.

nervous? or scared?

(miss their smiles but always keeping the faith)

oh wow

im writing in again

haha

well today nothing much

went to work wif my dad haha

some store owners were like "oh? u on break already?"

others were "back to working wif ur dad?" haha

im surprised store owners remembers me

haha

ohh im so happy..

getting my first hard earned money tmrw :D

but i have to go work with my dad too..

which means morning i'll be working

then after work then go prom.

i duno why but im so nervous for prom?

lolz...im scared that when i go

it'll be boring but then if i dun go

i'll regret..

but i got my things already..so have to go i guess..

im just so scared of wearing a dress out.

so so scared..somemore take taxi

i mean wearing a dress is not a small thing

for a girl who wears jeans, baggy shirts or double wear everywhr.

its a HUGE thing!!

the last time i wore i was 7?

when i became arnd 9 i told myself

i will never wear a dress cuz i dun have the looks for it

and here i am later tonight i am wearing a dress with heels =.=

jeez im gonna be so embarrased~~

well its 12.06am lolz..

i shall study a bit and then turn in..

no im not studying anything related to skool.

no maths,no amaths,no science and no revision.

im studying something outside of skool...

some people should know already haha

well gonna go

nites~~!

colour change?

hey

haha well today was really nothing

i was too excited about waking up and see my hair colour in the sun

other then that it was pretty boring

went out again to the usual place

hung around at the bookstore

bought another language book and a magazine

since i have started to learn the basic words

i am able to read like 5 words in one sentance..haha!!

i must study more i guess..

as i was outside i asked my mum

hows my hair colour

she was like "oh its purple"

then after a while as i started walking

she was like "oh its brownish gold"

then " oh its red"

then she stopped me and said

" is your hair colour 3D ?" HAHA

i couldnt stop laughing after that..

what does 3D have to do wif this?

yeah so until now i have no clue wud colour my hair is..

let me call it mysterious colour for now lolz..

different lighting literally is different colour

ahh well

ohh its 2 days to prom

how um unexciting

half of me is lking forward to it

my other half is like dreading it

cuz i have to wear a dress,heels and try to act like a girl...

which i must remember...

and im dreading that it may be boring :[

but hope it can be fun

hmm~~

tmrws monday lolz

have like tons of clothes to wash again

then maybe i might to BPP to buy some stuffs

or go my grandma's house to visit her

sigh i went today

and she was happily dyeing her hair haha

she seems well today so im glad..

aish! i just realised i forgot to call her 0.0

i better make it up to her

and call her twice tmrw...

haha i went to her house today

and she gave me my fave peanut soup to eat

uber nice.wish i can make it like her haha

well i gotta go..shall sleep

i feel so sleepy..lolz.

nites!

time to say HIGH!!!

well well

i felt like bloggin so here i am...

well nothing much happened today

morning woke up dad wasnt around

he went to bring my grandma to the clinic

sigh seems like her health is getting to the worse side

i feel so bad not being able to be by her side

i ask her to come stay with us

she kepe say dont wan dont wan

sigh..really..sometimes she is really stubborn for her own good!

so i called her and talked to her

check on her..she seems fine now at least.

after the scare,my dad came home and my parents

dragged me out to buy groceries wif them..

nice weather though~~

sigh had to go BPP which i dun like to go to..

seems like we are buying groceries there from now on

cuz ten mile is closing down =.=

anyways went to buy stuff

got some accessories lolz~~

came home..

i went down again to buy hair dye

cuz i suddenly felt like dyeing since my old dye

kinda dropped~~

i bought the bubble dye :D

i used it before so bought it again

i wanted to buy lip smackers at guardian but i didnt see it around

maybe i missed it somewhr

so came home and started doing my hair..

after i washed i got a shock lolz..

a BIG shock

i tot i was gonna get like red

but i got like brown 0.0

then slowly it turned to gold 0.0

now i take picture it looks black lolz..

pictures arent accurate anways

gonna take sometime to get used to this colour lolz..

well im gonna go

someone inviting me to go play UNO on msn haha!!

buh bye~~

tiring but awesome day

haha hey hey hey

im backk~~

yeah today was my last day at work..pathetic rite?

2 days only~~ haha its okay

im really really tired today

i cant say anything about what i did here

but i can say one thing.. through working here and the job before this

i have learnt quite alot.

something i can never learn in skool :D

and hence its fun~~

but i am still tired..

this morning woke up at 7am..

still tired from yesterday haha

went to take LRT then MRT

the MRT was like soooo crammed!!

i was like squished from all four sides!

the front and the back was the most awkward..like seriously.

then went down wait for bus...so uber lonely

saw the other part timer hu was working but in a different section.

we started talking, cuz that person was the only person i knew arnd there haha.

morning work was okay,kinda busy.

then lunch went to eat alone agian

sadist rite?

aftr lunch damn busy didnt have the chance to rest

knocked off at arnd 5.38

and it was raining HARD. ran to the bus..

got dang wet..freezed in the bus

went down ran to change shirt

cuz i couldnt stand the smell that stuck on me..

gave my paper thingy

then headed home...

finally got my bracelet hee~~

kinda like it but the bling flower disturbs me

after prom

im SO removing it...

well im really tired so im gonna sleep

and i think im going out tmrw..i duno

lolz..sigh

nites people!!

another post to add to the long list of nopes.

yup yup im here to blog again

kinda bored cuz twitter is like totally silent..

nobody is talking

and i dun follow enough people to chat wif them..

i wouldnt mind talking to total strangers

but even total strangers dun follow me

so im practically bored out of my wits.

its almost 10pm~~

and i know i have to sleep

cuz im starting work again

im just so worried i wont be able to reach on time

or the people there are strict, u know not friendly etc..

i really hope they will be patient wif me

or at least maybe give me things i can do

like washing towels for a whole day i can do that..no prob.

the fun thing about it is that

the place is near the japanese skool

haha i can finally see what uniform they wear..

i always wished that instead of going to a normal skool

i went to a japanese skool

but hey i dun regret my parents choosing this path for me

cuz now i can speak 3 languages~~ haha. but can only write in 1 fluently

BUT im gonna self-study japanese first

wif my mom as my teacher (>.<)

im not ashamed that im gonna do workbooks which are done by kids who are 6 in japan

cuz hey..im learning from basic..just like anyone out there.

i hope i can cope..i mean the words are similar to chinese 0.0

well just now my friend asked me to go for a trip to america with her

aish it was such a good chance!! a golden opportunity!!

but alas.. i said no cuz my parents especially my dad

would only give me a bleeding ear.

in short. they.wont.let.me.go.

i wish they were more open minded about these stuffs..

then i can have fun in the place i always wanted to go

ever since i was kid!! i mean i liked america alot when i was younger

though now i appreciate asia more lolz..

but maybe i would rather go to japan then america

but still america is still the place i always wanted to go

so sigh its kinda depressing still thinking about it~~

well anyways im gonna go.

have to sleep cuz

hey! tmrw's work..lolz..

nites!

a very tiring day.

(my shoes...lks grand but got it for a cheap price)

(my cat shirt :D)

hey

well today is a day out for me

to find stuffs for...sigh.prom.

it was a really totally last minute job.

just last week i was doing nothing thinking nothing

then BOOM! one sms and i am going...

i scare later i go,no seat 0.0

cuz i dun remember if i said i was going or not

though i did pass up my edusave form just this week on weds lolz

so i went to hunt for a dress today.

yes.a dress. u did not read wrongly. i planned on going wearing my suit

which i wanted to ask from japan..but my mum just beat my head.lolz.

so she kinda dragged me to metro..

found a nice dress. i liked the navy blue one..

but of course had to take in my mother's consideration i took red..

so blazer red,dress red,everything's red.. lolz..gonna be as if im attending

chinese new year..ah well..

i cant believe i was size 2!! but i bought size 3 cuz well...i hate fitting stuff..

after that i went to OG to buy shoes..yea..shoes..lolz.

kinda stupid...bag i dun care..just grab something.

then after that i went to bugis to get my cat shirt!!

i cant believe they still sold it!!

haha yea i went through the place i hate most

to get it.. kinda tired..

i feel so bad for letting my parents buy all these stuffs for me..

just for a stupid prom..i feel damn bad..

i think after i get my 2nd pay i'll buy them something..

cuz i feel so bad.and i duno how to thank them...

maybe after work on mon i shall go buy the other stuffs...

haha

well im hungry now so gonna make dinner~~

rice,natto,kimchi and cucumber.

yea im lazy...haha

byez~!!

tired~~

(the awesome skies)

(lolz..i have no idea what this is)

(tea..during tea break on the last day of work..lolz.)

(nobody at all)

(its very peaceful)
hey!

wow been so long eh since i wrote lolz..

i have been very tired these few days.

yeah i started work.

i wake up when people are still sleeping and get back home when dinner's ready.lolz.

so this has been my life..

morning,wake up at 5.30, get ready for everything

6.10 out the door for work, 6.45 wait for bus, 7.45 reach work.

lolz.. like normal working hours..8am - 4pm

since i have finished that job(yea it was only 3days =.= part time wud~~)

i shall say what it was...

i worked at tuas for 3 days.

but it was just awesome! i loved the experience...

haha weird right? it wasnt hard at all compared to my dad's job

i felt 3 days was too short

but im happy in a way that i dun have to wake up early anymore...

now im finding a new job to last till this month.

in december im gonna do something else..so..cant work.

maybe i'll go find at clarke quay..that 2nd hand bookstore is tempting me...

well for this job the experience was really awesome

i got to do things that were surprising

and the view there is just awesome

its like another world there... totally empty compared to where we live daily

i really dont mind working there...only the time a bit tight.

haha

well im very tired today

and i have to find a job quick soo

haha,busy busy busy!! or trying to be~~

well nites then!!