Friday, December 31, 2010

GOODBYE~~ 2010,HELLO 2011~~

hey!
well im blogging..
why? i always do this on the last day of the year
so i must do it this year too..
well before i go on
let me write some reflection of what i did this year.
what i accomplished, what i felt sad about.

1.the starting of the year was a very rocky start, not even a few days
after the year turned, i lost someone close to my heart already.
i was pretty depressed about it. i still remember clearly
school just started, it was after skool i was happily laughing going home
when i received an sms...its pretty cruel. knowing someone passed away via sms
but i guess if she called me i wouldve just broke down infront of everyone and i didnt
want that. that was just plain harsh. i had just recovered from my other sad state
not 2 months back and just like that i was on the plane to japan for abt 1 week.
yes yes i said i had swine flu..that cuz i did not want anyone to know i went to japan.
for the next 3 months, just by hearing the word japan i would tear.
now at night i still think about them, during those stressful times i also thought of them.
however im better now and i guess at times i forgot my pain cuz the people in class
made me laugh :] by the time i returned to skool, i cried so much that i had no more
tears to cry.

2.the next most impacting thing was most probably my coursework...
i think i almost died doing it. i really put my heart into it but i got four for it *tch*
i guess its not pretty for others. but to me, its gorgeous..i like it.
i might even think of taking it back home..hey, i paid for that bloody canvas
its my property anyways. if people think it sucks then i might as well put it at home.
i love it. it has my sweat and blood in it. blood literally.
i remember i stayed in skool until 8..
haha i really slacked alot.
then during june holidays, i would do and do and do, paint and paint and paint
that corner of that art room became 2nd house. like literally.
haha.so yea. not taking art every again.

3.of course i have to talk about N levels right? haha. well it was a stressful period
but i dont remember studying. isnt it weird?
i remember i didnt study for my SS and history, i was practically panicking
that day cuz nothing could go in! however i managed to do the paper.
the 'intensive' period was more like slacking period and i loved maths lessons
for the first time. why? cuz maths was so easy! haha. i almost killed myself
doing amaths, i slept during english..come on honestly..it was boring!
for chinese? hmm i was half awake the class was pretty noisy
and i never learnt anything. hence i got a shock when i got three for it.
and merit for oral..yayz!
well i think i really paid attention in class for SS and history cuz it paid off,
i didnt study like a maniac like others but i still clinched a two..happy wif it.
i thought i would get a five or four =.=
english, super surprised, i thought cambridge was strict?
combined science..was kinda sad. i guess they moderated that paper right?
sigh chemistry...i feel so bad for my chem teacher..i remember one weekend
i went there asked all the questions in one go. i managed to do my paper!!
but then this marks =.=" super disappointed wif it.
so yeah in total my N level results was super shocking...for the first time in my life
i was proud of myself. who cares about those awards u get at CC or in skool.
i got friggin good points! and im proud of myself.im happy i did my parents proud too.
especially my dad..now he can go around showing off my results haha..even though its 'N'
im not those 'born then smart' kinda kid so yea.

3.i guess the last hightlight of the year was the JYJ showcase..now this was a real miracle.
me and ker experienced a miracle for the first time in our life.
we wanted JYJ to come and they came. we were excited. but when we saw the prices
for the tickets, our face fell, we could afford the cheapest one, however the ticket selling
was during our N levels so,yeah, we cant possibly ditch our national exam for a ticket.
so we were really sad. after the exam we heard it was still selling but it was DAMN ex.
we can certainly NOT afford it. so we were on the verge of giving up. but really did
not want to, cuz this was 3 guys from our fave group! so we tried radio station but failed
then finally i came across twitter selling ticks and tried it.
AND WE GOT IT! man we were so excited. we went and we had the time of our lives.
when we reached there, we totally felt under-dressed la.haha.everyone wore so nice nice.
we wore as if we were going bugis or something haha.ANYWAYS....
i still remember...haha i bet ker still remembers too. man we were so elated about it.
even after the showcase was over we were still shaking. i mean we just saw 3 of our idols~!!
haha yeah i still remember ker saw the video of yoochun and say he look like her mum
haha.must go her house one day see yoochun then haha..~~

well i guess thats about it, for the holidays i spent my days working.it was good experience
and i had a really good rest.

now this is really gonna be a long post so bear with me. cuz its the last post of the year
and well there was alot of 'Happening' things haha.

now my next year resolution i guess? or maybe not resolution
but things i want to do and stuff..wait..thats a resolution..ahh well.

1.be more like a girl.every year this resolution comes first.yet i can never
accomplish it.heh.
2.be able to see dbsk as 5? hopefully..hopefully 2011 they can be together
or at the least, let the courtcase be over peacefully and not let cassies or the boys
shed anymore tears.
3.'O' levels...i have to someting about this major exam i guess..haha..cant slack
like i did for N...must put my heart.mind.soul. wait,that sounds familiar...
4.hmm i think i have nothing else..not be depressed?
2010 was a rather depressing year for me so yea i hope 2011 will go well.
5.oh yeah GET RID OF ART! this i can accomplish..im so not taking art
next year..
6.hmm maybe get a bike like finally, and cycle.
7. oh yea after exam, im so dying my hair light brown.my parents already gave me
the green sign anyways..their kinda sad im dying back my hair black. i am too
so when i go back skool, i'll have jet black hair...kekeke. artificial black.
i wonder how i look like in black hair? i completely forgot.
8.of course after Os, i wanna go sentosa!! like really go!!!

so yeap.thats my resolution i guess..nothing much cuz i know some cant be accomplished
so yea.
hmm ok then im gonna go
tmrw is 1st of 2011, and i wish u all a blessed year ahead.
we are turning 17 next year and are really gonna be the senior of the senior
of our skool :D
dying my hair to black on sunday :[ so if on tuesday i look weird, its ok haha.
some people say its REALLY obvious,some say its not.
gah hu cares. im just gonna dye black.lolz.
well then, goodbye :D
and goodbye to 2010~~

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

my daily photo compilation part 2

my midnight snack~~
the IR from a driver's p.o.v of course im not driving pshft
my christmas present to my mum..she was WAY too overjoyed for her age
i saw super junior in sheng shiong!!! well not literally but here's proof :D
i like the colour but not the drink..haha
blue cocktail~~
my christmas dinner :D
this bottle is made up of glass!! it was nice to drink frm it
heh cant find it in singapore nowadays
beautiful chocolate rite?!? i have like BIG BIG box of them stuffed in the fridge

watermelon..lolz..

compilation of daily photos part 1

ok so
these are the pictures i wanted to post on twitter
however my laptop crashed
and my parents kept using the other 2
so the pics kept delaying..and delayed.
this is why i want a blackberry or android phone!!
next year next year...then i wont need da com heh.
so ya today theres gonna be a few photos of this
cuz i need to delete for more space heh~~
so yeah!
here it is my photo blog..
its really not taken well but heh, it brightens up my blog.

(i had to drink this yesterday..gosh it was so awful..i hate having stomach pain)
ohh tang yuan i made :D)
(the tang yuan before its cooked)
(lolz..the pink dough)
(my christmas present!)
(someone turn away..smart..kekeke)
yogi bear slurpee!! and someone's leg meh~~)
(like so quiet right? haha)

(taken while driving on the road lolz..well of course i wasnt the one driving pft)

Friday, December 24, 2010

A christmas rush

hey !
im here to blog haha
so rare..again
well today morning woke up groggily
did my house chores as usual.

then i started finding people to go out.
i wanted clothes...so i called people..
in the end i went to meet my old pri skool friend.
we went to IMM...looked around
and well i got contacts..
i got it, but then i put it till so hard...dun wan put liao =..=
so i guess im gonna leave it till expire..
cuz i mean my mom dosent even know i bought it la.
and i think after i try so many times that lens either scratch
or very dirty even though i washed it so many times.
well i always said i wanted to try it.
so now i try le, im satisfied..not touching it ever again.
thought i wanted to see how it look like when wear la..
haha.

after that went to get my assement books,
i asked my friend recommand..no bad :D
she took her Os this year so at least can help me choose assement.
come to think of it i have to start tution soon..sigh.sian.
i just hope for less then 19 points next year lolz.
then at least all fail can go higher nitec..loolz!
anyways. so this has been my day..
now my eye feels dry so imma go put eye drops..
hAHA
oh ya i bought my parents christmas presents
people were like staring at me wud i was carrying la!
haha

WELL ITS CHRISTMAS EVE...SO PARTAY TIME~~
hee having christmas dinner tmrw
and my grandma's coming over
im so happy :D
hee~~ go out buy groceries first though
maybe i'll help my mom tmrw..haha!!

well ok then
shall write again soon..
bye~~
and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

results.day.shock.

hey~!
well i got my marks back...
zomg la, when receiving i was like so nervous
ok la i was really shocked when i got the paper la..
like damn BIG BIG shock..i didnt know what to feel
happy or sad or something..i was like all feelings bunched up together
seriously... i mean i really really didnt expect the marks i got
i dun even think i deserve it...

lolz..it was weird how i worried many people...my parents, my grandmother,
my grandmother was the person next to my dad who was so worried for me
she even tell my dad not to scold me..i just love her too much
when i told her my marks she was so happy..haha

well when i got my results, i called my dad cuz i couldnt reach my mum
wah that really pissed me off..i wanted to tell my mum cannot.. i got pissed.
but when i managed to reach her, i couldnt help but cry..
she told me, that she prayed to my grandparents in the morning
even though they are not alive, they are watching from above.
just like that, i couldnt stop my tears from flowing and just ran to the toilet
i think i looked like a fool running like that..damn pai seh sia
especially in front of the guys...
but i couldnt let anyone see me cry..i hate that..

soo hmm i kinda like passed everything so its okay...
most proud of my maths and english...
most disappointed in my science and art! so sad la my art
never gonna do it!!
my chinese oral..heh heh merit seh~~

after the result wait for lydia they all finish take pic then
go off..then my friend call me
she was very sad, so i told her to meet up
and hence went to meet up with her
she seems okay when i met her
and she joked with me..lolz
so i guess that was okay.
i hope she will stay strong in whatever decision she make
and whatever she does, i'll always support her.

so i guess this has been my day.
my life in secondary preparing for N has come to an end
and next year i guess im studying for O?
well another year of hell..thats all i can think

to those who may not have gotten the marks you want,
dont think like that. this is just an exam
i told myself before as well, that this was the end,
but come to think, this was not. even i got the marks i tot i would
i would have just cried and moved on.
move on to become a better person.
so dont ever think of giving up. even if i didnt do well
i would think this..
im not being snobbish or anything.
im saying, dont ever give up, have just a really really little faith
and you can make it..
and always smile.
smile and u will be fine.
sometimes, the future is made out for us, we just dont know what.
and how it works.

well, im gonna go
yes im happy. or rather im glad.
im glad i didnt have to disappoint my father once again
and i could now happily tell my grandparents up there
i did well, and im smiling now. and thank you for watching over me.
i miss you 2 so much. one day im gonna go to japan
and pay my respects personally, in front of you 2.
and thank you.

sigh.ok then, im really gonna go..lolz..picture spazz tmrw :D
nites~

Thursday, December 16, 2010

PICTURE SPAM~~ hee

hey~!
well im gonna do a picture post
since im lazy and kinda depressed to do a proper one..
its pictures i take everday..very normal stuff..lolz..
(my current table filled wif com. 1 for music,1 for surfing da net lolz.)
(my snack and DVD i enjoyed on friday..took me only 1 day to watch finish :D)
(my mickey cup :DDD)
(oh yea...JYJ on a jap mag..kinda not inverted..lolz)
(how hard it rained..when was this? this was when i was mobbed by killer people.)
(SLURPEEEEEE~~~)
(a very nice sunday)
(i have no idea what this is)
(fruit juice..or veggie juice? its delicious :D)
(someone just dosent like SJ...)

well gonna end my EPIC picture scam here
maybe i will continue when my phone is in a good condition like this..hehe
till then..ta-ta

oh yea tmrw is result day..
dun wanna think abt it
but i guess i will be crying...very badly
cuz i know i did, kinda no no ..quite badly...
sigh...well how the future wants me to go,i shall go.
i just wish i can go up next year and make my dad proud for once.
i dont want to disappoint him again..that face, the way he did not talk to me
when i got my PSLE results, but after that smile to me, and tell me to try harder.
i dun wan that to happen again..i told him
if i cant make it into sec 5, i dun wanna retain.i'll just go to the other skool.
he just said..sure. know what you are doing. however i really really
want to make it this time.
i should have thought about this when i was doing my papers.
now its marked, graded, sent back, calculated, i cant change anything.
past is a haze,leaving the future in the unknown.

well im gonna go before i get depressed again just by thinking..
nites!


Monday, December 13, 2010

almost christmas soon..CHRISTMAS SPECIAL :D

hey well nothing to post
and i can see my tagboard is being spammed by stuffs
but oh well, my blog's seems so dead.
i wanted to do photo post
but it seems that my phone dosent want to agree wif me..
soo,, i shall do a christmas special
like i do every year :D
but this year, it includes different languages..haha
yea cuz im kinda into korean music now cuz english music really aint grabbing my attention..
OKAY~~~
SO OF COURSE WHEN WE SAY CHRISTMAS I HAVE TO ADD THIS SONG

nice? heh, next of course my other fav band....MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

yes..it may seem that its the same as last year~~ however.....NEXT~~!! OF COURSE i wont forget my current fav boyband TVXQ :D

ok the next one is again from korean groups..my fav DBSK and the other group is super junior
i bet all super junior or dbsk fans would have come across this vid..i like it live but it wasnt clear


Sadly for the next vid i cant find the full song for you guys but i think it was cute :D

well the last vid for my christmas special would be...... TRAIN :D SHAKE UP CHRISTMAS
i was watching MTV and saw this vid...and well its different from the other vids so of course i would post it up here~~



WELL~~ hope these songs would get you all in a festive mood somehow
i'll be posting more to come...cuz hey!! CHRISTMAS IS COMING SOON
so take out yo wish list and think of what u wanna get.
however remember CHRISTMAS is a season of GIVNG from all you heart
and not receiving. giving a gift is what counts. it might make your day as well :D

well i shall go off now...gonna be bored again haha~~
byez!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

memories just keep flooding

hey~~!!
haha
im enjoying myself cuz this online radio station is playing
DBSK songs for abt an hour now..haha
so awesome!!

now its doing love in the ice...
when i hear this song i cant help but remember some stuffs..
when i lost my grandfather, i remember hearing this song
on the airplane to japan cuz it was the only song i liked from the whole
list of mirotic album..now i like all the songs though haha
i listened to this song like a 100 times..
until i landed there and had to hand back my headphones.i cant help but
think about those days at times.
i miss my cousin there.hes so cute. i think cuz i dun have any boy cousins here..
but we were really close while i was there..haha.
oh and there was that dog...haha..kept barking and barking..
and when i rub its belly it squirms arnd..hee..cute one.
then my older cousins..
its kinda sad how now after my grandparents passed away
contact with them also moved away.
my mom dosent want to go back thr..
she say go japan also is to go hokkaido etc.
so if i want to go arnd there,i guess i have to save money
and go myself..
oh man seriously.
all i wish for christmas is a ticket...single the best, to go to japan.
i wanna go there alone.it'll be peaceful,and i'll have time to slowly look
at my other half country.
people might think i go there every year cuz im a half.
but their wrong.in my whole life,
the trip i remember going to japan is only 3 times.
i only saw my grandparents there twice.
this morning
i found a christmas card,they sent every year.
and one line just made me cry so badly.
it wrote "come to japan to visit when you are older"
i remember when i was 12 when i went there
they told my parents to send me to japan alone and to stay
there a while. i wish they did.
i really did.so that i could seen them face to face more.
their smiles more.

10 years time...
10 years time,i hope i'll be working and have enough money to go there.
to explore my other half's culture.

well shall go off now
dbsk is playing so happy thoughts should come now..
but then im still crying..sigh.
i wish i could meet my grandparents again.though it wont be possible..sigh.
well
hmm their playing dangerous minds by dbsk
haha
nice song :D i wanna meet them too.
the only boyband i ever kinda be very very into...haha...
but impossible to meet them...
im not senseless ok,i have brains.
haha

well i shall go now..go sleep
before they find out i am crying.
i hate people seeing me when im in my weakest...
nites!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

lifes like that.unfair.unplanned.undistinguishable.

hey
well its well past 1am now and im blogging
these 2 days have been fun i guess haha
hanging out,and catching a movie.

just suddenly
i got the feeling of picking up my pen
and start writing again.
i still have my first piece of lyrics i wrote
stored deep within my file.
so long ago i started writing
i never showed it to anyone cuz i know it sounds crap...
haha sigh
my dream since so young to be in a band were crushed
to be a dancer was also crushed
yet i still find myself writing when im down
at times like this i wish i had a sibling
who i can share my music with
music has always been my life
my everything i can never pursue it
but i still love it.
i always envied those who get to perform on stage
cuz they could actually pursue their dream
but strip of their tittles,their looks
they are normal people like us with talents.
oh what i'd do to have talents.
i remember watching a music video of simple plan when i was 11
and went thats what i want to do.
i told myself when im 16 or 17 i'll be making music
but now 16,im nothing.
no talent.not good in anything.sucks at studying.sucks at maths.
being looked down,always alone,left alone.
my life seems different from what i imagined i guessed.
in short..most likely a failure.
i dont know how my life will continue from now on.
2 weeks from now it will be fixed.and i bet
i'll be the most biggest failure in the family.
think postive? HA. try to think positive when u are always a loner.
always alone in this small room.
always alone when nothings there to for you
always alone cuz u cant talk to anyone about stuffs cuz u feel so uncomfortable.

i think im half drunk lolz
typing this in the early morning.
i havent slept much these days,haha,reminiscing i guess.
5 years down the road,what would i be doing?
but i guess its nothing fabulous
cuz i was never lucky to start with.
i was always the last in everything
always alone everywhere
and i never felt close to anything before.
i felt lost
and i felt pain
so many worse things can happen in the next few years.

aish i think im really drunk
either that or im absent-mindly writing this
most probably when i look back at this post i'll think
what am i writing but yet im just lazy to delete.
well shall go sleep now.
just wanted to vent out my thoughts.

nites or rather good morning.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

an"almost fell up the escalator thanks to a fanmeet" account

hey
back here today lolz..

wah super pissed sia!!
yea i said this like on twitter and on facebook and now on my blog.
well lets just say im damn pissd and that
im writing details here..
jeez if it was one of the gods of the rising east i wouldnt mind
but it wasnt so...yea
its not any fan account
i think its more like "almost being squashed" account

so as usual, today was work had to go to tampines
i badly wanted to send town area cuz i wanted to see someone..lolz
but ok now that i almost saw one..i wish i didnt.
so i went to tampines mall.raining damn bad
rushed arnd cuz well i was really in rush
i wanted the job done before it rained harder
delivery is very hard in the rain.and i seriously hope
people understands that. how do u get ur stuffs from ur fav store huh?
how do people transport ur fav food to the places from the warehouse?
delivery right? so appreciate these people.
they do things to make life easier.

so i sent the stuffs to the shops on the 2nd floor and i wanted to finish the whole mall, but when i went down it was crowded lie zomg
so i no choice went to another mall first.(theres like 3 malls in tampines.stuck together)
came back,the crowd was still there..i at first tot it was some sales
then as i walked nearer people were holding cameras.
i was like wth..of all times now then come...i was damn pissed off..
i mean IM RUSHING!!HELLO!! then so no choice i squeezed
cuz i debated to take the lift..but lift also i didnt whr it was at.
and i didnt want to waste time lking for it.
so as i squeezed,people screamed in my ear.like HELLO!!
SCREAM ALSO HE/THEM WONT KNOW ITS YOU!! scream somewhere like open and not at an enclosed place
like at concerts?showcases? scream all u want.but at a civilised place
like a mall? where people dun care dun scream.
i tried to overtake some people but then this aunty was like
"hello? i also trying to go down right?"
then im like " yeah look im doing a delivery and really need to get down im really sorry"
but the aunty didnt buge and was like " i also trying to go down"
i was like shit la.
then i overheard the host say something abt stampede and so move back
i almost yelled " dont move back move front!!"
cuz seriously i almost fell up the escalator..
lolz..up yeah..cuz the escalator was coming up instead of down..
if i fell down the escalator i wouldnt mind
cuz at least i reached my destination.
and also will reach faster then that aunty..hmph.
i should have whacked her curry puff..so cram already still eat!
so finally i reached the escalator wah i dun care la
i just like practically ran down.and went saying "im really really sorry excuse me excuse me..so damn sorry"
ran to the shop..the shop owner i guess saw me like so tired.
and i was wearing a jacket.she was like "is it raining?"
i replied "yeah raining of fans.." then i asked her whos coming cuz i almost
died up there she was like some famous korean star..
and i thought...korean star at tampines? hmph.
then another store owner came and helped me sign and stuff
say" even if not famous also alot of people wan la"
that totally made my day haha
finally over i went back to the van
and practically slammed the door..damn pissed.
as we drove past tampines mall
like wah lau outside also people..there were people holding umbrellas and waiting 0.0
i was like oh..so still haven come
but i overheard some people say "i only took his head"
so i guess those people were mistaken.

i saw like fan boards but was written in korean..
i thought nice how sweet.i cant read korean except for dong bang shin ki.
after a while once i started to calm down i started to think
who it was..i mean..a korean star at tampines is rare.
then i rmbr it was the face shop.then i rmbr people said
the face shop change people..the face of the face shop changed to kim hyun joong
then it all clicked.yes it was kim hyun joong at tampines.
sheesh.as i drove it was raining badly..
haha if he still wasnt there at tampines, his fans were going to have to wait for a long time.
wah but i was super pissed la..is he so famous?
i only know him cuz hes jaejoong's friend.never really interested.
but hmm it was a damn tiring experience.it taught me never to go for fanmeet
i think i wont even dare to go see gu yong ha la.

other then this incident i had fun going to changi airport for delivery
and i also got praised for being good..im a girl yet help my dad during holidays every year..what can i say? haha i love this job..ok sometimes i hate it..like today.
i think i've been delivering for a very long time i mean the first time i went
to work wif my dad was P3 cuz he couldnt leave me alone at home.
started sending glasses when i was 12 so..thats quite long...
haha
yesterday i even got to work at the office..and earned money!
so impromtu!! just for one day but it was fun
unpacking and checking haha...the people there knows me too.
at stores im that tall guy's daughter..haha.

well i guess thats all for today.
other then almost falling up,i guess it was kinda fun
to be angry at times..i rarely get that angry
but next time when im working
and i ever get into this kind of situation
which i dun think i ever will..
i might um accidentally.eh hem. punch someone..and i apologize.
my dad was like asking me..u never stay and see arh
i told him.im not interested in korean stars except for DBSK.
i just listen to their songs cuz english songs are getting boring.
ok then i wrote TOOOO much shall go watch TV now haha
byes!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I.party.

hey!
well today was a tiring and surprising day haha

i woke up as usual
thinking im gonna be working with my dad
delivering the west side.
but then when i reached the office to collect the goods
it seemed like some were on MC and leave
and hence they needed people last minute
and asked me to help.hence i did.
haha.i mean $7 per hour
its like $2 more then my last 2 jobs!!
gladly accepted it
and i also was interested in it too
plus there wasnt much to deliver today...

well work just consisted of taking out goods,sorting them,past and label,
check if the goods is in its casing,scan,then sort out again.,.thats it..
the whole day,i finished like 2 cartons of them hee..
i kinda felt bad for leaving with half of the box done for box 3....
by the end of the job, i got $42!! like wah
i damn shock la!!

went home happily...haha
took a mrt from redhill got crushed by the people..
like no place to hold..i kinda at times thank myself
for being good in balancing. i had JYJ be my girl remix blasting in my ears haha
i cant get it out my head since the flash mob vid..i did it at home >.<>

i reached lot1 and decided to buy a book. i was debating between
book,itouch cover and polo tees..i
i really needed polo tees, but i bought a book instead.
queued for a very long time...like 15 to 20 minutes?
why people buy skool books at that time?!?! buy during weekends la..
kinda got angry there..
was debating to buy polo tees,but i got too lazy and just walked through the whole mall
to the bus stop..

im thinking of going out on friday haha~~
well im gonna go now
lolz..sleep mayb? kinda tired...tmrw have to wake up at 7.45. :F
nites!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

-you dont know-

i miss you
i wished you
could see me
and dun let me go

just for one day,a minute,1 seconds.thats it
i wish it would just all stop
so i could just say thosefew words
to ya

how many years has it been
since i first saw you messing with the other kids
you were so different
so carefree
way more matured
then you are now
though you are older than then.yeah.

i wish i had the courage
i wish i had the chance
to say i kinda liked you
and waited for a stand
a verdict,or whatever you call it
sometimes i wonder
if you ever felt the same way as i did

people told me to never rush love
love when rushed
aint real and can be crushed

but i badly wanted to know
badly wanted to be held
badly wanted to feel how loved one can be felt

how does it feel when you hold your hands
how does it feel when your lips meet again
how does it feel when winter crawls through your skin
how does it feel
cuz i'll never know
and i bet i wont so go
i dun feel i wanna be loved anymore

when people say their in love
and wan me to meet their girls,guys,
i feel so sad
i try to shut them all in pairs
how can you even ask me
when i am just here so lonely
i wish you never appear in front of me
vanish just like air and oxygen

i say so much cuz i know i wont be loved
but im still happy for you to find your own true love
as a friend i'll be there for you
i'll cry with you
but my heart locked iced and cold
and it will never be out
of this cage it called home.

stressed much? lolz

hmmm
i sometimes really wonder why i bother to update..lolz.
seriously nobody cares about other people's life so why blog?
hmm one of the reason is maybe cuz i stopped writing a diary like 2 years ago haha..
i still laugh when i read my entries...lolz..

anyways today nothing much..just a very stressful day.
morning brought my grandmother to see a physiatrist (?)
i duno how to spell..fine just some doctor.again.
seriously i think im gonna be mad soon..my dad is worried about my grandma not being able to
sleep and eat, my mom is worried about my dad not being able to sleep, im worried my mom
cant sleep and worried for my dad and grandma for the same reasons..
jeez.i really want a rest.

after seeing the doctor,went to buy lunch then went back to my grandma's house
to wait for my aunt
she wanted to go through some stuffs with me
cuz i have to bring my grandma to another doctor next week..
jeez..i really think theres nothing wrong with my grandma..she
just needs to eat more and sleep more~! but to ease almost my whole family's mind
minus the kids, i was asked to being her to the doctors and i agreed.

my aunt started explaning everything medical history
to the medicines..really i was very tired already.
but i care for my grandma.she was always there for my when i was young
now it is my time to be with her and care for her.
im trying to figure out what to buy for her with my first pay..haha.
not sure what to buy.she has like everything 0.0

gah i just wish i can go out.
im so tired.i wanna go out and have fun
i dun wanna work or anything im stressed as it already is.
though its okay if its an outside job..job with my dad makes me stressed.
he keeps talking to me abt my grandma..im trying to convince him shes okay!!
cuz well she is! she needs to only eat and sleep more!
going to the doctors is scaring her more then curing her.. (=.=)

just for one day i wanna go out
shop or go to the beach relax
cuz its going to be a rocky 2 months.
next month january another rocky period.
another month to remind myself, time waits for no one.
leaving wif this vid
it made me laugh.haha
nites!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

days that are hard.

hey~
well im blogging..
though i have nothing much to say
cuz these few days its been kinda ruff
i really just want to get away from it all.
just for one day or two
i want to go to a place away from here
and able to not think of these things.

every since my grandma's health went down
i've been in constant remainder of how it is falling everyday
im the only kid in the house here and in the family
the only kid who understands whats happening
hence all the grown-ups come to me,tell me everything
but i dont want to hear!! i dont want to!!

just a month ago i had to be reminded of death
and soon in a month's time again will i have to be reminded
and i dont want to be. its hard to be understood.
everyday for the past 2 days i had to hide in the toilet or my room
shivering...thinking...it still haunts me to today
the look and coldness i felt.
sigh.i wish someone would just call me
and say theres a trip and if u want to go. somewhr my parents would allow me to go
i need a break.it's only 2 days but its been months since i've been sad.

its a pretty depressing post today
but i felt like i needed to write things out.to feel better
and i am feeling better.though i felt better after eating otah just now.

sigh.results cooming up soon eh.depressed again.
i seriously think i didnt do well.

aish well i should go now. nites

Thursday, November 25, 2010

4 years of reflection in one day...

(some picture...lolz~~)
(me spazzing lolz!!)
(with the girls~~)

(wif minq and extra lolz...jk jk)

haha
im finally bloggin about my day yea?
i was too tired to do so... i mean i came home at like 12?
slept at 2am and woke up at 7 am
to go to work with my dad...
i just practically ran around the east area again haha

well lets just say yesterday was a blast :D
cuz it was prom night haha
i met minq at the bus stop
wait for syah and the taxi
lolz..we were super uncomfortable there..waiting..
then we had to climb the overhead bridge to get to the taxi
cuz it refused to stop at the bus lane =.=
it sounds ok
but for me it wasnt..wearing heels,climbing stairs...are u kidding me?
but we did it got into the cab and made our way
to hilton..heh

when we reached there we were so embarrassed..
stayed on the 2nd floor
waited for bryan and lydia to come then we went up
it was kinda cool...
but i felt so weird..i mean i was like the only one wearing red around my area 0.0
after being seated
take pics here and there
haha had a great shock from lydia
but it subsdized then it came back again after a while haha
after 10.30 it was like clubbing time
the lights were turned down,
the floor dance was open and flooded by people
it was like a club haha
i was like standing at the side..
i must say, the song choices were awesome haha

i totally enjoyed myself.
i never really realised but yeah im gonna miss everyone
not only people from my class
but the 2 NA class
in this school im only close with this 2 class im just that anti-social
my best memory was in sec 2G i really wish 2G could have gone up to sec 3
together..but got seperated.
3F was hard to get used to but i guess 4F was fun and exciting
but i guess half the time we were shouting at the teachers and the teachers shouting at us.
but hey we passed that moment
even though i was the class chair for 4F i seriously didnt have to do anything haha
everyone was too co-operative. lolz.
im gonna miss the left side and the back part of the class...the laughs we shared.
i really hope we all can go up to sec 5 together.

im really scared about my results..i have a feeling im getting 19-25 range.
i never did well in mid-year and prelim.
aish i always regret afterwards.furthermore i didnt study many subjects.
but if i dont make to sec 5 i think i'll be happier.
cuz to me,im going to sec 5 for my parents..i dont wanna go cuz i dont think
i can stand another year studying and competing with a new batch of students
who are definitely smarter then me. i think i can completely forget about going
for the aerospace course or even maritime.

well im gonna go now
self-reflection over.haha 4 years of secondary school life passes just like that
i came to this school feeling so depressed.afraid.cuz i did not know anyone at all
it was like starting a new life. but then at the end of the 4 years
i made friends.classmates.and memories that would be hard to erase.
let us all wait for our results now yea? haha
byez~~

P.S will scan the pics tmrw..lolz.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

nervous? or scared?

(miss their smiles but always keeping the faith)

oh wow
im writing in again
haha
well today nothing much
went to work wif my dad haha
some store owners were like "oh? u on break already?"
others were "back to working wif ur dad?" haha
im surprised store owners remembers me
haha

ohh im so happy..
getting my first hard earned money tmrw :D
but i have to go work with my dad too..
which means morning i'll be working
then after work then go prom.

i duno why but im so nervous for prom?
lolz...im scared that when i go
it'll be boring but then if i dun go
i'll regret..
but i got my things already..so have to go i guess..
im just so scared of wearing a dress out.
so so scared..somemore take taxi
i mean wearing a dress is not a small thing
for a girl who wears jeans, baggy shirts or double wear everywhr.
its a HUGE thing!!
the last time i wore i was 7?
when i became arnd 9 i told myself
i will never wear a dress cuz i dun have the looks for it
and here i am later tonight i am wearing a dress with heels =.=
jeez im gonna be so embarrased~~

well its 12.06am lolz..
i shall study a bit and then turn in..
no im not studying anything related to skool.
no maths,no amaths,no science and no revision.
im studying something outside of skool...
some people should know already haha

well gonna go
nites~~!


Sunday, November 21, 2010

colour change?

hey
haha well today was really nothing
i was too excited about waking up and see my hair colour in the sun
other then that it was pretty boring

went out again to the usual place
hung around at the bookstore
bought another language book and a magazine
since i have started to learn the basic words
i am able to read like 5 words in one sentance..haha!!
i must study more i guess..
as i was outside i asked my mum
hows my hair colour
she was like "oh its purple"
then after a while as i started walking
she was like "oh its brownish gold"
then " oh its red"
then she stopped me and said
" is your hair colour 3D ?" HAHA
i couldnt stop laughing after that..
what does 3D have to do wif this?
yeah so until now i have no clue wud colour my hair is..
let me call it mysterious colour for now lolz..
different lighting literally is different colour

ahh well
ohh its 2 days to prom
how um unexciting
half of me is lking forward to it
my other half is like dreading it
cuz i have to wear a dress,heels and try to act like a girl...
which i must remember...
and im dreading that it may be boring :[
but hope it can be fun
hmm~~

tmrws monday lolz
have like tons of clothes to wash again
then maybe i might to BPP to buy some stuffs
or go my grandma's house to visit her
sigh i went today
and she was happily dyeing her hair haha
she seems well today so im glad..
aish! i just realised i forgot to call her 0.0
i better make it up to her
and call her twice tmrw...
haha i went to her house today
and she gave me my fave peanut soup to eat
uber nice.wish i can make it like her haha

well i gotta go..shall sleep
i feel so sleepy..lolz.
nites!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

time to say HIGH!!!


well well
i felt like bloggin so here i am...
well nothing much happened today

morning woke up dad wasnt around
he went to bring my grandma to the clinic
sigh seems like her health is getting to the worse side
i feel so bad not being able to be by her side
i ask her to come stay with us
she kepe say dont wan dont wan
sigh..really..sometimes she is really stubborn for her own good!
so i called her and talked to her
check on her..she seems fine now at least.

after the scare,my dad came home and my parents
dragged me out to buy groceries wif them..
nice weather though~~
sigh had to go BPP which i dun like to go to..
seems like we are buying groceries there from now on
cuz ten mile is closing down =.=

anyways went to buy stuff
got some accessories lolz~~
came home..
i went down again to buy hair dye
cuz i suddenly felt like dyeing since my old dye
kinda dropped~~
i bought the bubble dye :D
i used it before so bought it again
i wanted to buy lip smackers at guardian but i didnt see it around
maybe i missed it somewhr

so came home and started doing my hair..
after i washed i got a shock lolz..
a BIG shock
i tot i was gonna get like red
but i got like brown 0.0
then slowly it turned to gold 0.0
now i take picture it looks black lolz..
pictures arent accurate anways

gonna take sometime to get used to this colour lolz..

well im gonna go
someone inviting me to go play UNO on msn haha!!
buh bye~~

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

tiring but awesome day

haha hey hey hey
im backk~~
yeah today was my last day at work..pathetic rite?
2 days only~~ haha its okay
im really really tired today
i cant say anything about what i did here
but i can say one thing.. through working here and the job before this
i have learnt quite alot.
something i can never learn in skool :D
and hence its fun~~
but i am still tired..

this morning woke up at 7am..
still tired from yesterday haha
went to take LRT then MRT
the MRT was like soooo crammed!!
i was like squished from all four sides!
the front and the back was the most awkward..like seriously.
then went down wait for bus...so uber lonely
saw the other part timer hu was working but in a different section.
we started talking, cuz that person was the only person i knew arnd there haha.
morning work was okay,kinda busy.
then lunch went to eat alone agian
sadist rite?
aftr lunch damn busy didnt have the chance to rest
knocked off at arnd 5.38
and it was raining HARD. ran to the bus..
got dang wet..freezed in the bus
went down ran to change shirt
cuz i couldnt stand the smell that stuck on me..
gave my paper thingy
then headed home...

finally got my bracelet hee~~
kinda like it but the bling flower disturbs me
after prom
im SO removing it...

well im really tired so im gonna sleep
and i think im going out tmrw..i duno
lolz..sigh
nites people!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

another post to add to the long list of nopes.

yup yup im here to blog again
kinda bored cuz twitter is like totally silent..
nobody is talking
and i dun follow enough people to chat wif them..
i wouldnt mind talking to total strangers
but even total strangers dun follow me
so im practically bored out of my wits.

its almost 10pm~~
and i know i have to sleep
cuz im starting work again
im just so worried i wont be able to reach on time
or the people there are strict, u know not friendly etc..
i really hope they will be patient wif me
or at least maybe give me things i can do
like washing towels for a whole day i can do that..no prob.

the fun thing about it is that
the place is near the japanese skool
haha i can finally see what uniform they wear..
i always wished that instead of going to a normal skool
i went to a japanese skool

but hey i dun regret my parents choosing this path for me
cuz now i can speak 3 languages~~ haha. but can only write in 1 fluently
BUT im gonna self-study japanese first
wif my mom as my teacher (>.<)
im not ashamed that im gonna do workbooks which are done by kids who are 6 in japan
cuz hey..im learning from basic..just like anyone out there.
i hope i can cope..i mean the words are similar to chinese 0.0

well just now my friend asked me to go for a trip to america with her
aish it was such a good chance!! a golden opportunity!!
but alas.. i said no cuz my parents especially my dad
would only give me a bleeding ear.
in short. they.wont.let.me.go.
i wish they were more open minded about these stuffs..
then i can have fun in the place i always wanted to go
ever since i was kid!! i mean i liked america alot when i was younger
though now i appreciate asia more lolz..
but maybe i would rather go to japan then america
but still america is still the place i always wanted to go
so sigh its kinda depressing still thinking about it~~

well anyways im gonna go.
have to sleep cuz
hey! tmrw's work..lolz..

nites!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

a very tiring day.

(my shoes...lks grand but got it for a cheap price)

(my cat shirt :D)

hey
well today is a day out for me
to find stuffs for...sigh.prom.
it was a really totally last minute job.
just last week i was doing nothing thinking nothing
then BOOM! one sms and i am going...
i scare later i go,no seat 0.0
cuz i dun remember if i said i was going or not
though i did pass up my edusave form just this week on weds lolz

so i went to hunt for a dress today.
yes.a dress. u did not read wrongly. i planned on going wearing my suit
which i wanted to ask from japan..but my mum just beat my head.lolz.
so she kinda dragged me to metro..
found a nice dress. i liked the navy blue one..
but of course had to take in my mother's consideration i took red..
so blazer red,dress red,everything's red.. lolz..gonna be as if im attending
chinese new year..ah well..
i cant believe i was size 2!! but i bought size 3 cuz well...i hate fitting stuff..

after that i went to OG to buy shoes..yea..shoes..lolz.
kinda stupid...bag i dun care..just grab something.
then after that i went to bugis to get my cat shirt!!
i cant believe they still sold it!!
haha yea i went through the place i hate most
to get it.. kinda tired..

i feel so bad for letting my parents buy all these stuffs for me..
just for a stupid prom..i feel damn bad..
i think after i get my 2nd pay i'll buy them something..
cuz i feel so bad.and i duno how to thank them...

maybe after work on mon i shall go buy the other stuffs...
haha
well im hungry now so gonna make dinner~~
rice,natto,kimchi and cucumber.
yea im lazy...haha

byez~!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

tired~~

(the awesome skies)
(lolz..i have no idea what this is)
(tea..during tea break on the last day of work..lolz.)

(nobody at all)
(its very peaceful)
hey!
wow been so long eh since i wrote lolz..
i have been very tired these few days.
yeah i started work.
i wake up when people are still sleeping and get back home when dinner's ready.lolz.
so this has been my life..

morning,wake up at 5.30, get ready for everything
6.10 out the door for work, 6.45 wait for bus, 7.45 reach work.
lolz.. like normal working hours..8am - 4pm
since i have finished that job(yea it was only 3days =.= part time wud~~)
i shall say what it was...
i worked at tuas for 3 days.
but it was just awesome! i loved the experience...
haha weird right? it wasnt hard at all compared to my dad's job
i felt 3 days was too short
but im happy in a way that i dun have to wake up early anymore...

now im finding a new job to last till this month.
in december im gonna do something else..so..cant work.
maybe i'll go find at clarke quay..that 2nd hand bookstore is tempting me...

well for this job the experience was really awesome
i got to do things that were surprising
and the view there is just awesome
its like another world there... totally empty compared to where we live daily
i really dont mind working there...only the time a bit tight.
haha

well im very tired today
and i have to find a job quick soo
haha,busy busy busy!! or trying to be~~
well nites then!!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

a post of useless thoughts :D

(i just found this really cute..haha it was too near)

(totally stoked for this..it came in a box!!)

(been a long time since i last had it,my most fav drink)

hey!
been a while since i blogged
thats cuz i've been tired..
well lets see the whole week i went to NYP for some attachment course
it was not bad,fun, but cuz its not in my range of interest
well i didnt enjoy it as much as i should.
but still it was a good experience..

so moving on,yesterday i did nothing in the morning and afternoon.
i basically finished my house chores so that i'd be free today..haha
then at night,i was waiting for ker to call me
instead i got a phone call to go slack at starbucks
i was super scared to ask my parents.
but when i did,my mom was like
"sure,go ahead,we'll fetch you from the lrt station"
haha i was so shocked! and very glad they give me a bit of freedom.

so went starbucks slacked with a few people
i got to drink the green tea drink which i havent drank in a while.
it was really fun,i wish i can do it more often..but i dun think so la..
haha then after 9.30+ ker smsed me she reached
and she looked for me
and i got my album!!
LIKE FINALLY!!
i was so super stoked
and the packaging was so awesome!!
but me being stupid,i broke the red part of the CD cover box thingy :[
it was super awesome~~!!!
im now trying to figure out where to put my poster..
somewhere i can see and well dun get scolded by my parents.
they are already asking me when am i gonna stop pasting
posters on my wall
but i think they're starting to give up..
cuz the first set of posters i put up, filling my whole room wall
was when i was 12. haha~ its been so many years
and posters up and down often.i totally love my room.
hee..

gonna start work tmrw
then after that few days i think im gonna find another one..
but totally cutting off my work in December
so i can do my personal things.haha.im tat lazy.

well im gonna go..
i think iron my dad's pants cuz i have nothing to do~~

bye!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

still not enough sleep

wow
im updating
seriously i feel so tired these days
and this is just waking up at 6.30 to go to yio chu kang
next week when i start work
i have to wake up WAY earlier just to reach my workplace.
oh sheesh
i just dont want to do anything during the weekends..just sleep.

well today went to that skool again for the attachment.
it was a abit awkward..no no WAY awkward.
super awkward and it will still be awkward tmrw
i dun feel like going tmrw
i mean i was supposed to have tuition tmrw at 3pm but i cancelled it
cuz the course ends at like 3.30++
at least tmrw's the last day.
i've had no holiday lor.

sigh so tired..and wheres my class photo?
next to my study table there is still an empty space
and its for this year..but whr is it? >.<~~
well nothing to write

sad case..my fren col me yesterday to say want to go east coast anot
but i cant cuz of the attachment thingy tmrw..
sigh
oh well,
i hope everything goes smoothly and well nothing bad happens and stuff
embarrassing or wudevar.cuz i just want to get it over and done with
no that im not interested or anything
it is just tiring to wake up early and take a train packed with humans.
haha

well off to sleep i guess
exhausted to the max..
haha nites!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

the day before yesterday is always the best

hey
yea its late and yet im blogging
lolz, doing some preparations for tmrw.
i shall catch some sleep on the way there.

sheesh one smsed pissed me off.
so lucky.
i wish i had enough money too,to let my mom go.
i feel so sad for her.
tmrw is the day where i really felt lost.
so fast 1 year has went by.
im so scared.i feel so lost and sad again.
everytime i think about it i tear.
what makes things worse is she cant go tmrw.
life's like that..unfair till even till the last minute,corner.whatever.
maybe its just me,..i also wanted to go
but its okay if i dont,cuz life's been unfair
but she should go.and i feel terrible.
there's been no contact whatsoever.
i guess when one moves on,all they leave behind is misery
and broken pieces.

well.im not gonna write much anymore.
im gonna go finish up my stuff and sleep.
nites.haha~~
depressing post much? lolz.
its just to express what i feel now
if not i most likely would be spamming twitter so i dun care.
tmrw's a long day..a very very long day.

Monday, October 25, 2010

short post.

hey!
im writing
wow!!awesomeness~~ haha

well its 2.51am now...almost 3am in short
lolz~ i have no idea why i havent slept too.
i should sleep and then wake up at 5am go for a walk and stuff
but i cant.my waking time is like way later..
seems like later today im gonna go out..i think
i was thinking of trying to catch that movie first..
but then 11.40 at orchard? what time must i wake up!?!
then have to meet them at 1+ plus so cannot

wow i cant express how comfortable i am now..
haha at times like this
im really glad i actually have lived to see today..
yea i talk like an old person
but then sigh,
next week i might start work i think
awaiting for call of address then im going~~
haha well,
i guess im gonna sleep now
someone just told me to get my butt to the bed
and sleep if not i'll get more pimples..
so...

that someone should know who
haha

well good nite then!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

a day of fun and regrets

hey!
im back here writing
well what did i do today?
i read on a bus,decorated a so called underwater kingdom with my cousin
loving every minute of where i was.
i was at my grandma's house in short.
it's been so long since i last went to her house
but she never fails to make me smile.
she cooked today and omg, i cant believe how much i missed it
i almost cried eating it.
i tell myself i must visit her often but then
if i get a job in the holidays
i have no time to go to her house...
im just so devastated..i shouldnt have gone to look for a job

i should have just stay at my grandma;s house till next year.
well, no point in saying so much now and regretting. whats done is done.
im gonna miss alot of things in life now.

well recently i've gone back to writing again
and i am seriously thinking of saving for a keyboard.
just now i was hearing some piano version of my fav songs
and omg,i wish i could play like that.
im not talented, i cant play by ear, i practically suck at playing piano
but theres no harm trying...
anyways its for my own whats that called...entertainment.

sigh~
im seriously still regretting gettin that job
i hope its not confirmed or something
but it already is...sigh

well imma go.
bye!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

day.of.nothing.

(sigh~ i can never get bored living with it..haha
it was sad that my dad havent given him a treat)
(no it aint a fog,it aint rain..its haze..)
(this is the current book im reading :D)

hellloo!!
haha well im writing again(WOW!)
lolz~ yea drama effect..

so lets see what have i been doing
well yesterday went to this recruitment place(which i kinda regret)
to find a job
so now im waiting for confirmation of a job
which is like from monday to friday 8.30 to 5pm for 2 months
really wish i dont get it...weird huh
look for a job and say dun wan.cuz u see its so well packed
and the holidays i also want to rest leh...
should have made my requirements clearer.
ahh well if get accepted then never mind lor
im just not gonna get anymore sleep.
so better sleep now haha~

today well went to skool before 10am already can go home
i heard the teacher say go home after 10.30
but we went out the gate at like 10.15 :P
heh heh
reached home made myself lunch..i seriously need to start cooking again
the taste went down..so i kinda ate a miserable lunch...
when lunch was done, did housework so that i wont get scolded as a 'good for nothing'
i dun get my parents..i do everything from the dishes to the washing of clothes to the changing of bedsheets. and i just groaned a bit when i was watching tv yesterday to keep some things they bought and i got scolded like theres no tomorrow..
i seriously dun get them..at least im not the kind of person who never does anything...
maybe one day i should try...not to do anything at all~~
see how much they need to do..

ok moving on.. after folding clothes, went to take a short nap,cuz im still tired
from yesterday..i think i didnt sleep till 1 or 2.30am cant remember..
after waking up drank coffee and started continuing in reading my book
dan brown's book are awesome
the first time i read was i think in 2007 or 2006? a year after the movie came out
it was nice and i guess after that i kept on reading..
i finally bought the recent book 'the lost symbol' and finally got the time to read yesterday
now im halfway through..its nice :D
after this book, i think im gonna go to beauty world to borrow some books..
i need to start reading again lolz~~ one book on my list of reading
is eat,pray,love.
i seriously want to read that book haha

well im gonna go
oh and everyone please take care
it seems ridiculously hazy these days
and im wondering why they havent issued a warning for it yet cuz
its as worse as in 2006(?) i mean the PSI index shot up to 86 0.0
and my nose is getting worse..
oh and good luck to all taking 'O' level subjects...maths or mother tongue or just everything..
haha
well imma go continue reading..
bye!~~!