Life as it is.

Hey
Havent been blogging much.
Well basically, my life is currently really stressed and i was on the verge of a mental breakdown
if i hadnt smoked one on monday. I guess sometimes a cigg has its pros...it really calms the shit out of you. but on the other hand, i wished i had a warning before i took the ice cool one..its really..cooling rofl.

So school,
well brand new class, some old mates, new modules the usual.  I am kind of glad i have always end up in the less serious and more of a fun kind of class. Seriously, today was really hilarious it made my day.
So this semester's modules are getting more in line with what i am actually studying.
It is exciting yet stressful. Who knew how much effort and thoughts go into one article? Its like having to brainstorm for an art project all over again.
But overall, i have my lamas, i have my mates ker,boon and minq, i have my awesomes that are there for me so school wise everything is fine.

I guess one thing i am not fine is my internal problem.
Family, father's side is a mess. My 'grandfather' passed away and it has caused loads of shit ass problems which i believe should not happen because he already left 'us' for almost 34 years. Also we lost contact with him for over 17 years or so. I totally remember what happened and stuff. yes i was young but still, i understand. that has always been me, understanding without asking.
Just now my mom told me that , 'that side' of the family wanted to give my mom $500 to support my studies. i just went "fuck them". They were never kind to us, they never treated us family so why of all a sudden you want to support me to go university? I'd rather go with my plan of just finishing diploma, find a work and work while studying in uni rather then take their damned offer. Who knows what strings are attached. Yes people may tell but their willing to pay you to study. Well thank you very much but just seriously get out. get out of our life. i never want to owe or do anything with them.
With all this things happening, its really been hard on my parents and that has been coming down to me. I cant control whats happening at "that side" of the family cuz i cant just give them a phone call and shout the shit out of myself and say what i want to say even though i really really want to do that.
So all i can do is take care of their well being and stay grounded myself. but thats been hard to do and it can be seen by my sudden craving of a medium to relief all my thoughts and stress.

My friend today sent me a msg after i wished him a happy birthday.
He told me "Sometimes just ignore the things around you"
i hope i can do that. I really want a break and i pray to god this will be over soon and we all can take a break. My grandma, my uncle, my aunt, my dad and mom they all need a break from everything. So i wish everything will end soon.

Sometimes music is the best remedy. Been listening to block b, epik high, SPYAIR and One Ok Rock these days. especially one ok rock. They are the only things that bring me joy next to shinhwa broadcast rofl.

I guess i will end my rant here and continue to type my article...Bye ^^

(Tomoya of One ok Rock...One sexy beast...lolz...)

rants.

Everyone has their bad days. Some have a bad year. Some gets traumatized by past events that eventually leads to one wanting to take her own life. But trust me when i say death leads you no where. Death will only bring suffering and pain to those whom you thought never love you or cared for you.

Also i have to say this. Cyber bully or just normal cases of bullying must really be stopped. How many scenarios have i seen so far from the people i know that have fallen into the hands of bullying. Seriously just stop. Why do you want to see people die or see their life crumble? Does it make you feel good you bunch fucking sadists. Only when you drive them to the brink of death will you feel guilt. But even then, when you see them die and you dont feel sad, you are not human.
I hope these cases of bullying would stop, it not only damages one's mind but also lead them to death.
Think before you say people. There are many things people go through that you will never understand. Imagine people telling you to die, saying that your worthless, your ugly, why are you alive, your so fast, why dontyou drink this and this and die or even you slut go and die. Try hearing this day in day out, experience it by seeing it on your facebook page, walk into the school to your class and hear people murmur behind your back and then tell me if you can live through it.
Don't think that just cuz your friend is bullying that innocent girl in the corner means you should too.
Bullies, stop looking down on people. You are not good yourself. Having to say others so that you'll feel better. You people are the worst. You should be ashamed of what you have done.

To those who wants to give up the fighting battle between living and dying,
"Dream as if you will live forever, and live as if you die today"