Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Viruses and headaches =.="

Well guess what I'm suffering from a virus attack +.+
I can't exactly call it a flu cuz I have no cough or running nose but I suddenly had a fever of 37.6 degrees.
It's a good thing I decided to take my temperature before going out the class if not I could've fainted from the dizziness I felt.

Well how is school? Its horrible. I feel like quitting it. Seriously. Sometimes in class I sit there and think what am I doing here? Why am I studying? What is my goal? For the past few years I had a goal which was to complete my O levels but nw that in done and here in poly I'm thinking again. So. What is my goal? I feel like its just another phase I need to pass so I can go to work an get better pay. But isn't it ridiculous? Cuz by the time (or if I even graduate) diplomas are nothing in the workforce. You will need a degree. And to get that u have to study for another 3 years.

By the time u finish u'll be like what 25? Almost half your life has been wasted on grades and plain learning.
I don't know that's how I feel. And it's only the 2nd week of school.
Maybe is because I'm not putting in an effort to try to succeed in my modules,but getting a D in my creative concepts really brought my self-esteem down. And the fact u need to get at least 3Bs for a 3.0 GPA is really wow. My classmates are nice and friendly but there is no bond. We're all separated in our own circles and it pretty obvious cuz there's like only 20 of us. So yeah. You do feel left out as ur munching on ur sandwich in the corner of class and the rest are together eating and having fun.

But right now, I'm not thinking about poly,all I'm thinking is getting a hang of my Japanese class. I just want to take my exam and get till N1. That's the ony thing im striving now and I'm still pissed I can't for for lessons today =.=" bloody flu. Seriously hate whoever who passed it to me.

Well I should turn in early. Hopefully as months pass by things get better (or maybe not and ill go into phase 2 of depression) ahh well
Perseverance is strength :) that's what I have been telling myself since I started school so yea :)

Well nites ^^

Saturday, April 21, 2012


its finally saturday :D
well basically all the did today was slack. haha. nothing more nothing less.
well i did do the laundry and tried ( i emphasize on the word TRIED)
to do my jap class's homework but to no avail :/

anyways i was just looking back at some stuffs in my hard disk
and i realised that.... I MISS MY LONG HAIR :(
i think i am really bi-polar and i realised that i always like to cut my hair
really short after a major exam. =.="
and then regret it afterwords...
my red hair dye didnt even stick...i totally am saddened that i cut my hair
and now it dosent have layers as well! the woman just like *whoosh*
cut it across : ( im saddened.
other then my hair sadness, i found my N level art piece!
well the incomplete ones though. i didnt seem to save my final painting O.O
looking at them just gave me a smile and a frown.
but hey what can i do? the judges didnt seem to like it and slapped a B4 at me so yeah

as for life in poly, i guess im slowly adjusting?
i feel a bit awkward in my class still and a bit left out
but i guess thats a process in life :/
i miss my secondary days just hangins out wif my gang and laughing at the most retarded things
some memories just cant be replaced.
i met fiona and lydia on friday and the feeling was overwhelming
i didnt notice how much i missed them until i met them.
the bickering between the two and just slacking away at KFC.
i guess some things wont change where ever we are.
its kinda sad how we all are not in the same school.
but i treasure them as i treasure others and i will never forget the friends i made in sec
i never will. they gave me memories that can never be erased and its stored in a tiny corner in my heart :)

shall leave wif some crappy pictures of my '10 N lvl art piece haha


YOU COMING!? heh heh]

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Another day in a new life.

So how's everything so far?
Hmm well 1) im screwed 2) I'm really screwed and 3) I need to sleep.
Basically that summarizes what I've been through the past 2 days :)

OB seemed hard for me because the words they used to describe the various feeling of people are very complicated. however,the lesson itself was interesting. How we can actually use these personality test and find suitable people for the job. It's really rather interesting.
So after my horrendous first day of school ( cuz I screwed up my presentation) I rushed home in time to grab dinner and finish my work before rushing out to catch da bus to orchard.sometimes I really wish my Japanese class was at lot 1. Oh speaking of classes...heh heh I'm improving ^^ or that's what my mum says so its giving me more confidence to take N4 :/

Well, yesterday was maths so yea...it' was actually okay 0.0 yes an ex-F maths grade student in primary school is saying that maths was okay. But hey! It was fun. Solving questions in a team was really something kinda fun...but the quiz later on damaged my brain by 50%.

So yeap so far so stable..haha OH! I had a briefing about my course yesterday and I'm really worried. I mean the things I have to do,the things I need to graduate...hearing everything made me nervous.
It made me think...can I do this? Can I? Sighh...

Well I needs go to Skool nw :)
Byezzz ^^

Monday, April 16, 2012

no tittle for the day~~

well well well tommorow is the start of school.
(how awesome! eh hem eh hem)
nothing much to write about today as i was introduced to the school system
but my facilitator said something interesting to us today...
she said that people nowadays ask for our blogs and take a look at it
as part of our portfolio 0.0
like really? if they do i'll be so shy :/

so orientation is finally over ( after 4 days...yippee no more cheers!)
but im actually gonna miss the cheers. it was fun haha.
bob marley sonnange CCC poweerrrrr
i think my school is nice. the SLs were awesome and they really made us feel comfortable.
in the whole school,there is only one course so yeah,easier for us to bond more i guess.
as for my selection of IG i think i'm only looking forward to write IG and jive
i cant wait for jive to start. its another way to work haha and i like to work :)
oh and if there's concerts i wish i can really help out, im super interested
in the behind-the-scenes. i want to help out with the sound system of the area if possible

but something got me really worried. after the director and head facilitator spoke.
about our 3 years in RP.
how if we fail one module we can't graduate made me nervous.
i dont wanna stay for another extra year. i really want to get this over and done with.
furthermore its the shortest length of studying time! ( primary =6 years secondary =5 years)
poly is only 3 years so i guess its still okay...i really dont wanna make it 4
so hopefully i can do well :D
i remember they made us write on a paper our what we would want to achieve after our 3 years.
haha i remember i wrote gain confidence as one. yes that is one part i really lack of.
confidence. im really nervous about class because we have to present almost everyday
wow. i cant imagine myself presenting. i mean i spoke in front of the whole school twice and
rapped away instead of speaking.ecks! but i guess i have to overcome this fear rite?

oh yeah i hace something i want to rat about today.
the transport system in singapore. more particularly the MRT.
how awesome was i feeling today? so awesome i could puke blood.
i left my house at 8.05 and reached my school at 9.15 thanks to the train.
i was riding towards woodlands when it kept stopping after i passed kranji.
and it stopped for like 5minutes! oh gosh i was so worried i had to walk on the track
to my next station.
but i find it a bit weird. the MRT system had been fine over the many years since it
has been built,why had it suddenly became so rattled? after the breakdown incident
(which i almost also got caught in but luckily i felt lazy that day so i took the bus.
sometimes laziness saves people too)
i am seriously wondering and hoping LTA would release a statement on what is happening
to the train and what they are doing so we can all understand.
i only knew that over the weekend, they were fixing some technical stuffs and thats it.
it would be nice if they told us that they are fixing the tracks and is recommanded that
we took the bus instead of the train unless neccesary or just shut the whole track down.
they should have just shut the whole line down..better than getting stuck in the middle of the
track and panicking because you were gonna be late when you left your house so early :/
okay now that i ratted it out i feel better :)

well i should go off now. my computer seems to like to configure itself
and it has 92 updates so yea...sigh. hopefully it'll be over soon...


Sunday, April 15, 2012


yup its a sunday night and tmrw's monday. its 11.05pm now.
and im not sleeping yet.
oh how much will i suffer :/
tmrw will be my first day in getting a taste of poly life -.-
introduction to the poly system. how stressful.
i never believed i actually will make it here.
now that im here i dont wanna go on.
i dont know, i lost all motivation to study.
i just want to throw everything and just go to work.
i know that i need to study in order to get a better job but still.
sigh i still have another 3 years ahead of me. how awesome is that?

so i got to know people who are in the same course as me,
not bad i guess.
but i dont know how my life will be for the next three years.
all i know is that i just want it to pass and graduate so that i can work.
i practically forgot all my basics in maths and science thanks to the 5months+ of break.
gosh i seriously wonder how i will do in those 2 classes.
i dont even want you answer that for me. its a rhetorical question.
i cant believe how fast 5 years passed by for me
it feels like just yesterday i was stressing over my art for my N levels
than my amaths for my Os. (which i think i've become stupid after i took the test)
during da orientation i guess it was okay, made some friends it was fun
but the burden of having to study is weighing on me now.
as i dont have anyone in my family..as im the oldest among my cousins,
who went to poly so i dont know what the system is like.
heck i dont even know what is GPA. or what CE points.
to make it worse, my skool is not like the other skool, it dosent use textbks
and has no lectures
meaning i cant using my humanities trick in the auditorium when taking notes.
i seriously have lost my touch on 'hw to study'
i wonder how long will it take for me to adjust to this whole new system.
poly is like going to college but just that i'll emo-ing again like the past 5 years.
sigh. i just want for this 3 years to be over and done with.
lets see what i'll write three years down the road.
fun or not, hard or not, i have no idea.
im scared of whats coming at me.like a train advancing at me in a fast speed.

well wish me good luck as i go and experience what poly is all about tmrw
before my classes officially start on tuesday :/


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Day 2: its actually FUN

hey hey hey!
wow today was a 360 change of yesterday!
i actually had fun at orientation rofl!
who knew...so lets see.
i woke up at 7 and was thinking till like 7.20 whether to go to orientation or not
until my mom dragged me out the bed telling me to go.
so i went.
the people i was always with werent with me so yeah i had to go alone.
plugged in my earphones and bobbed to skool.
morning was the IG thingy and yeah not bad.
if the group i always am wif were here today i could've hang wif them lor... :/
anyways...went arnd signed my name up for some and went off after finding 2 people
to spend with haha.
hang till 11.45am. go back home base
eat lunch,cheer cheer cheer...fun la but throat pain
then our SL told a ghost story...it was ohhh-some damn epic haha!
after that was discussion for a skit tmrw...
at first i wanted to help out wif props cuz i did it before for animal farm
and it cant be worse thn that rite no matter how hard they say it is..
(animal farm props were a nightmare okay)
so someone asked who has an extensive music library so i raised up my hand.
abit pai seh i cant do anything in music... :/
but still...anyways was teamed with another 2 girls and whoop...had fun chatting with them.
then since we were the sound people we had to see and stuff
so the acting team was changing and re-doing the scripts and stuff..
i must really throw my hat to them they just like totally one after another they improvised
and an amazing skit was created.
laughed my ASS off seriously haha...

one thing that was sad was that the sole of my shoe came off...
friggin pai seh can?
anyways...finding the songs needed for tmrw
and haha...so epic. sabai sabai~~ :)

ok then shall continue to cut cut cut the song a bit so tmrw can just fit..
nites ^^

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Day1:Like a 4ever alone lost sheep.

So day 1 of orientation has gone by and yeap...just Fck my life.
It feels like I went back 5years ago but worse.
The people in my team like already knew each other...so not fair.
So I was like the only one always friggin left out.
Another reason is I have no idea how to approach people!
I'm delusional now..whether to go tmrw anot. But after hearing da things da SL said I feel like I have to go :/
I don't know.still don't feel like going.
Just because I was 'forever alone' dosent mean I didn't participate okay! I did play captain's ball bt hor Wah I played like a wimp la.tch. Shld not have volunteered. Sigh.
And all I gotta say is people in my class is very very bright. Their ideas an the way they solve problems in situations are really good. And also their English is tok kong (Y)
Everyone like fits together while I feel so out of place =.="
Sigh. What to do? This was worse thn when I went into west spring.
I'm really at lost.
Can someone like give me a
"how to act and make new friends 101" book?!

Sigh. Tired.exhausted.confused.
Really dont know whether to go...
Well I shall turn in early
Boomshakalaka babies ^^
Nites :)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

imma indian indian indian boiii~~ (jk its a song)

well well back to blog haha
feeling pissed (whats new?) but at the same time happy :)
well im happy cuz i got new clothes :D
i bought from uniqlo today haha~~
oh and for the first time i bought legging pants..
its actually also the first time i heard it but wow their really comfy
it feels like im not wearing pants at all (sounds wrong haha!)
so yeah
went out with lydiaaa today haha..glad she could go out with me :D
anyho just when i vented wud i felt to her,
another same problem comes up *rolls eye*
you know what im getting old to play games already okay
so if you wanna go then go if dont want then dont want
im sick and tired okay.

im not gonna talk about wuds pissing me off cuz it'll just lead me to depression
and to those who think that im not 'lady-like' cuz i love to swear
well faq u, i dont care. this is who i am...for now..
i am polite to outsiders but if u piss me off,tats it i'll swear like a sailor.

OMFG *cries*
im actually not attached to the whole band scene cuz i think the principal
was super biased to that particular CCA next to shooting
but hey the skool actually got a gold...i thought they were gonna get silver with honors again.
but ah well graduated already,but still i wanna see how the band's like
cuz well the last time i went for SYF it was awesome :)
i think it was in '08? i dont remember..haha.

sigh...ahh school's starting soong :(
orientation on wednesday. im so not looking forward for it. im not ready for poly life.
i just wanna continue working while studying my jap :/
things are gonna get harder now that i need to balance my jap classes too.
heng i didnt start last year...i cant imagine balancing my jap class wif Os (o.o)
ahh im gonna miss my one gang of frens.
syah,fiona,lydia and bryan. gawsh. those days we walk home from school
are now gonna be just memories. each of us are like really seperated into diferent skools!
not ONE of us are together...its just so sad. im gonna miss them so much :(
who can i bully next to me? who can i tease as ah ma? who can i spazz with over stuffs?
who can i fight verbally on a high level? sigh...even bryan's annoyance is something
im gonna miss =.=" fiona's owl owl owl syah's dongwoo dongwoo though i think shes more into one direction now and lydia's epic contagious laughter.sigh.
a new school but at least this time i have people i know like minq boon and ker
but then in da course im alone again. and technically i think i'll be surrounded by english
pros....so why did i choose this course again? na molla...yes. chonen mitchogeso.
anyways i shall go off now ^^
sleepy.tired.headache haha~~


(mom's birthday dinner heh heh satay and chicken wing!!)

(i find this paper bag from uniqlo really cool..andy warhol..suddenly reminds me of my art
class whr i had to do research on him *shivers*)

(taken when i just felt like after a bath heh)


(as you can see i look half dead...so yeah..NITES!)

Friday, April 6, 2012

Random lyrics of mine and Bday post

Hellloo~~ haha
Well I was working up late last night again cuz I suddenly had an inspiration for another song.

How many years has it been since I started penning lyrics I don't know.
But I've never made my song before
Cuz I don't know anything in the production department..how to make da beats I want etc etc.
I can write da songs and have da beat in my head,but producing it out is another story :/

Anyhoooo I'll post up half da lyrics I worked on heh.

"I look up in the sky tell myself a tale
As I sip from a bottle,(my holy grail)
Can't think for a moment (my mind's in a reel)
Look up again just to mock myself

Tears fall off my cheek oh so unknowingly
As I think of everything's that happening arnd me
18 and life is already so demanding
What else should I accept from an older me

Trouble after trouble
All are stacked so high
Bottle after bottles
Memories on wire
Tumbling and stumbling keeping things to myself
Bottle em up till one day I explode and fall out

Why why can't anyone see that the monster inside of me is uprising in heat
Please please someone just help me please
My wall of strength is failing im blinded by my pleas"

Watcha think? Haha~~ sigh..if only I cld make it out sigh. If I could I would dig out my other lyrics too..
Currently my notepad in my itouch is filled with half written lyrics haha..
Hopefully I'll get to learn how to produce music one day eh~~

Anyways will update soon
Oh before I forget
I am thankful for everything she has done and I hope no more accidents will occurs this year or ANY year.
I hope she will always be healthy and I love u mom :)

Okies then goodnite~~

Thursday, April 5, 2012

the girl who suffers in silence.

On this dark night i lay here awake
wishing for a life different from what i've been through
wishing for time to be turned back to when things were alright.
but then again when were things alright?

its times like this when i feel lost in the dark
so lost that i cant see whats ahead of me.
my subconsciousness speaks to me
"what lies before you? who cares about you? who do you have?"
i reply with a simple "no one".
being brought up with an invisible wall around me i am forever protected.
protected by careless words that hurt me everytime im alone.
the real tears fall only when i let them go
the fake tears show only when i can hold.
times passes so silently
but yet here i am still thinking what am i about to become.
the monster inside of me tore me up years before
the scars on me shows the harm done.
the lack of confidence i show where ever i go
forever keeps me confined behind this line.

i trudge this road with heavy steps with no one to support me in the darkest hour
i thought i finally made it
but only to be brought back down to this harsh reality.
all my thoughts are hung up high in my room with the smokes i blow
all my screams are shut in this bottle i hold
but when. when am i able to live a day with no worries.
when am i able to find someone i can rely on.
when can i have someone hold me tight with warmth to comfort me
cuz i never felt warmth anywhere.
just smiles of happiness and sounds of laughter are heard occasionally.
deep inside i just want to be loved. to feel loved. to feel wanted.not to be used.
oh how many times have i been used and pushed aside i have forgotten.
i try to patch the many holes only to make it worse.
so broken inside that everything's just messed up.
my head churns with all the broken memories that made these broken roads.
those images that forever stain my mind.
the image of a girl hiding on the staircase peeking down only to see a broken family.
the image of a rainy day rushing to a house to see a broken down man.
the image of a familiar face being sent off on her last journey
the image of sending yet another familiar person on his last journey as well.
its all too much.
but i hasnt stopped.
images after images are all just torturing my nights.
and when i thought i've forgotten and recovered,back on my feet a new one falls in place.
who knew another family will be seperated
who knew i'll be the fault in another cold war
who knew i would be at blame
who knew i was the fault of everything
who knew i was the one breaking everything
at times with these thoughts in mind
my positive conscience leaves me silently
as i drown myself and put my life to rest.
music take me away
take me away from this storm im suffering.
bring me to another season better then this.
give me something to live for
show me life and what i was born for.
cuz right now, i feel hopeless and at fault for who knows what.

"Somtimes,its da people who least show sorrow and pain that needs the most comfort.
At times,they just need people to lean on,so as to know that they live for a purpose."