Untittled post.

yo yo yo updating post again haha

sigh hows life? tiring

hows skool? i think im gonna fling it.

i have a feeling tat next year the place i am going to is not poly

sigh kinda giving up already

its tiring...somemore,studying is not my passion

so all the more does it feel like a burden then a joyful day.

this week was tiring, not sure why but yea

im always sleepy cuz i keep sleeping at 12 or 1 am.

yes 12 or 1 am is late for me

not to mention on weds morning da bloody rain woke me up -,-

sigh

i seriously think im totally flinging everything

and am just not gonna get anywhr in life.

sometimes i guess im just useless

taking up space only.

sigh

not to mention these days its just so complicating

how many years already...since then?

i still think about it. when something happens

i feel something. i shall call it jealousy.

and it sucks. i thought i have forgotten

but i have not. i guess i have to continue to hate as i always did.

sigh why cant i for once smile for a week in genuine?

i am just really really troubled and sad

i want to get away

i want to stop studying,being a student,

but once i stop what happens? i dont have a life.

sigh

i feel like the time in N lvls. at least last year i had a goal.go to sec 5. 19 points.

now!? nothing!! i dun noe whr to go,i don't know what to do

i really seriously think i am either gonna retain or end up somewhr i dun want to

seriously why does everyone seem to have it easy?

i tell myself i have to do it, i study, but no matter how i study i still fling it!

its irritating! not enough practice,not enough reading they might say

but im sick of it all!

this week, i managed to walk home twice and cleared my mind

the sky was so blue and beautiful

for that few minutes nothing was on my mind.

i smiled like a mad person walking home under the hot sun

but looking at the sky made me a free person.

by walking home along i felt at peace

i didnt have to think about what would happen, what needs to be done

what my actions will bring.

sigh.

i wish for a better day everyday. a day i would stop hurting, a day i can

overcme my thoughts and fears. a day i can be free.

believe.be strong.

so tonight dosent seem like a good night
some of my friends are going through a rough patch
i dont know what but seeing them just makes me feel sad too
i may never understand what they go through
but i want to help them
but i can only give them a words of encouragement
but i am yet not close to them
so my words of encouragement become anonymous sentences

really many of us have been through ups and down

cuz of trying to find the real u,family,peers,relationships

at many times when things just fall and crash we will feel helpless

the only 2 words i can say is. be strong

we all should understand that even if u feel it,

u are never alone.

there will always be someone.

if u cant take it cry it out

guy or girl its not written in black and white

that its wrong to cry

if u fear people seeing u

just cry under da covers

rmbr theres hope tmrw

personally,

i rarely have anyone to go to cuz im always insecure

so in the end everything every pain is always in me

in the end i just write them all out like this.

at times,i find myself crying in the middle of the night

i ask myself why was i born? whats so good about this?

my answer to myself was,u get to see tmrw.

being alive and seeing tmrw is a fortunate thing.

even though i may say things like "gosh i wish i can just die"

but i take them back

life is something u must cherish

thats what i learnt

people who feel life's useless shld watch the news more often

force urself to see what this world is going through

while ur having fun,have food to eat,be picky abt it

theres people suffering having a total opposite life frm urs

i learnt abt death just 2 to 1 year ago

and it was sad. i lost someone so close to me.

but of course someone took it worse

i had to stay strong tats what i told myself.

so throughout tat whole stay i never cried.

if i threatened to cry i told myself i have to be strong

however when i came back, i went to my room

and that night i cried non stop and slept in my tears.

life is really hard.its not always bright and sunny

people say u can never buy happiness

i believe so too

u can only earn happiness.

i believe tat one way that can really get u going is music

when ur down u hear this one song u get better

when ur down write it on paper and pen

get 'em out

well on this cold late night or morning

i shall say gdbye

rmbr tmrw's always a better day..believe tat.