Friday, July 15, 2011

Untittled post.

yo yo yo updating post again haha
sigh hows life? tiring
hows skool? i think im gonna fling it.
i have a feeling tat next year the place i am going to is not poly
sigh kinda giving up already
its tiring...somemore,studying is not my passion
so all the more does it feel like a burden then a joyful day.
this week was tiring, not sure why but yea
im always sleepy cuz i keep sleeping at 12 or 1 am.
yes 12 or 1 am is late for me
not to mention on weds morning da bloody rain woke me up -,-
i seriously think im totally flinging everything
and am just not gonna get anywhr in life.
sometimes i guess im just useless
taking up space only.

not to mention these days its just so complicating
how many years already...since then?
i still think about it. when something happens
i feel something. i shall call it jealousy.
and it sucks. i thought i have forgotten
but i have not. i guess i have to continue to hate as i always did.
sigh why cant i for once smile for a week in genuine?
i am just really really troubled and sad
i want to get away
i want to stop studying,being a student,
but once i stop what happens? i dont have a life.
i feel like the time in N lvls. at least last year i had a goal.go to sec 5. 19 points.
now!? nothing!! i dun noe whr to go,i don't know what to do
i really seriously think i am either gonna retain or end up somewhr i dun want to
seriously why does everyone seem to have it easy?
i tell myself i have to do it, i study, but no matter how i study i still fling it!
its irritating! not enough practice,not enough reading they might say
but im sick of it all!

this week, i managed to walk home twice and cleared my mind
the sky was so blue and beautiful
for that few minutes nothing was on my mind.
i smiled like a mad person walking home under the hot sun
but looking at the sky made me a free person.
by walking home along i felt at peace
i didnt have to think about what would happen, what needs to be done
what my actions will bring.
i wish for a better day everyday. a day i would stop hurting, a day i can
overcme my thoughts and fears. a day i can be free.

Sunday, July 3, 2011 strong.

so tonight dosent seem like a good night
some of my friends are going through a rough patch
i dont know what but seeing them just makes me feel sad too
i may never understand what they go through
but i want to help them
but i can only give them a words of encouragement
but i am yet not close to them
so my words of encouragement become anonymous sentences
really many of us have been through ups and down
cuz of trying to find the real u,family,peers,relationships
at many times when things just fall and crash we will feel helpless
the only 2 words i can say is. be strong

we all should understand that even if u feel it,
u are never alone.
there will always be someone.
if u cant take it cry it out
guy or girl its not written in black and white
that its wrong to cry
if u fear people seeing u
just cry under da covers
rmbr theres hope tmrw

i rarely have anyone to go to cuz im always insecure
so in the end everything every pain is always in me
in the end i just write them all out like this.
at times,i find myself crying in the middle of the night
i ask myself why was i born? whats so good about this?
my answer to myself was,u get to see tmrw.
being alive and seeing tmrw is a fortunate thing.
even though i may say things like "gosh i wish i can just die"
but i take them back
life is something u must cherish
thats what i learnt
people who feel life's useless shld watch the news more often
force urself to see what this world is going through
while ur having fun,have food to eat,be picky abt it
theres people suffering having a total opposite life frm urs

i learnt abt death just 2 to 1 year ago
and it was sad. i lost someone so close to me.
but of course someone took it worse
i had to stay strong tats what i told myself.
so throughout tat whole stay i never cried.
if i threatened to cry i told myself i have to be strong
however when i came back, i went to my room
and that night i cried non stop and slept in my tears.

life is really hard.its not always bright and sunny
people say u can never buy happiness
i believe so too
u can only earn happiness.

i believe tat one way that can really get u going is music
when ur down u hear this one song u get better
when ur down write it on paper and pen
get 'em out

well on this cold late night or morning
i shall say gdbye
rmbr tmrw's always a better day..believe tat.