wishing for a life different from what i've been through
wishing for time to be turned back to when things were alright.
but then again when were things alright?
its times like this when i feel lost in the dark
so lost that i cant see whats ahead of me.
my subconsciousness speaks to me
"what lies before you? who cares about you? who do you have?"
i reply with a simple "no one".
being brought up with an invisible wall around me i am forever protected.
protected by careless words that hurt me everytime im alone.
the real tears fall only when i let them go
the fake tears show only when i can hold.
times passes so silently
but yet here i am still thinking what am i about to become.
the monster inside of me tore me up years before
the scars on me shows the harm done.
the lack of confidence i show where ever i go
forever keeps me confined behind this line.
i trudge this road with heavy steps with no one to support me in the darkest hour
i thought i finally made it
but only to be brought back down to this harsh reality.
all my thoughts are hung up high in my room with the smokes i blow
all my screams are shut in this bottle i hold
but when. when am i able to live a day with no worries.
when am i able to find someone i can rely on.
when can i have someone hold me tight with warmth to comfort me
cuz i never felt warmth anywhere.
just smiles of happiness and sounds of laughter are heard occasionally.
deep inside i just want to be loved. to feel loved. to feel wanted.not to be used.
oh how many times have i been used and pushed aside i have forgotten.
i try to patch the many holes only to make it worse.
so broken inside that everything's just messed up.
my head churns with all the broken memories that made these broken roads.
those images that forever stain my mind.
the image of a girl hiding on the staircase peeking down only to see a broken family.
the image of a rainy day rushing to a house to see a broken down man.
the image of a familiar face being sent off on her last journey
the image of sending yet another familiar person on his last journey as well.
its all too much.
but i hasnt stopped.
images after images are all just torturing my nights.
and when i thought i've forgotten and recovered,back on my feet a new one falls in place.
who knew another family will be seperated
who knew i'll be the fault in another cold war
who knew i would be at blame
who knew i was the fault of everything
who knew i was the one breaking everything
at times with these thoughts in mind
my positive conscience leaves me silently
as i drown myself and put my life to rest.
music take me away
take me away from this storm im suffering.
bring me to another season better then this.
give me something to live for
show me life and what i was born for.
cuz right now, i feel hopeless and at fault for who knows what.
"Somtimes,its da people who least show sorrow and pain that needs the most comfort.
At times,they just need people to lean on,so as to know that they live for a purpose."
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