Life as it is.

Hey
Havent been blogging much.
Well basically, my life is currently really stressed and i was on the verge of a mental breakdown
if i hadnt smoked one on monday. I guess sometimes a cigg has its pros...it really calms the shit out of you. but on the other hand, i wished i had a warning before i took the ice cool one..its really..cooling rofl.

So school,
well brand new class, some old mates, new modules the usual.  I am kind of glad i have always end up in the less serious and more of a fun kind of class. Seriously, today was really hilarious it made my day.
So this semester's modules are getting more in line with what i am actually studying.
It is exciting yet stressful. Who knew how much effort and thoughts go into one article? Its like having to brainstorm for an art project all over again.
But overall, i have my lamas, i have my mates ker,boon and minq, i have my awesomes that are there for me so school wise everything is fine.

I guess one thing i am not fine is my internal problem.
Family, father's side is a mess. My 'grandfather' passed away and it has caused loads of shit ass problems which i believe should not happen because he already left 'us' for almost 34 years. Also we lost contact with him for over 17 years or so. I totally remember what happened and stuff. yes i was young but still, i understand. that has always been me, understanding without asking.
Just now my mom told me that , 'that side' of the family wanted to give my mom $500 to support my studies. i just went "fuck them". They were never kind to us, they never treated us family so why of all a sudden you want to support me to go university? I'd rather go with my plan of just finishing diploma, find a work and work while studying in uni rather then take their damned offer. Who knows what strings are attached. Yes people may tell but their willing to pay you to study. Well thank you very much but just seriously get out. get out of our life. i never want to owe or do anything with them.
With all this things happening, its really been hard on my parents and that has been coming down to me. I cant control whats happening at "that side" of the family cuz i cant just give them a phone call and shout the shit out of myself and say what i want to say even though i really really want to do that.
So all i can do is take care of their well being and stay grounded myself. but thats been hard to do and it can be seen by my sudden craving of a medium to relief all my thoughts and stress.

My friend today sent me a msg after i wished him a happy birthday.
He told me "Sometimes just ignore the things around you"
i hope i can do that. I really want a break and i pray to god this will be over soon and we all can take a break. My grandma, my uncle, my aunt, my dad and mom they all need a break from everything. So i wish everything will end soon.

Sometimes music is the best remedy. Been listening to block b, epik high, SPYAIR and One Ok Rock these days. especially one ok rock. They are the only things that bring me joy next to shinhwa broadcast rofl.

I guess i will end my rant here and continue to type my article...Bye ^^

(Tomoya of One ok Rock...One sexy beast...lolz...)